about my DH putting a time limit on TTC???

[becklespeckle]

He only wants to try until Christmas as doesn't want to 'put his life on hold' or have too big an age gap between DS2 (4.1) and new baby. Trouble is I have a terrible cycle (anything from 3 weeks to 4 months - no pattern at all) and it is worse than usual after m/c last year.
I don't think he understands that since the m/c there is a baby-shaped gap in my life and that I don't care how long it takes.

I can understand both of you. Both dh and I felt as your dh (re life on hold, not re age gap). Also there's the feeling that we wd be chasing a dream rather than enjoying and getting the most out of our reality. OTOH, I can understand your attitude re your body and wanting to give yourself the best chance.

Have you told him what you've told us? Sometimes you need to be totally blunt and unsubtle with men.

Could you come to a compromise, such as trying up to a certain date and then looking for help (medical, alternative, etc) and reassessing at that point?

Dh and I had set a limit, but when I had my mc - despite having reached that limit - dh realised that he was as upset as me and felt the lack as well. So we moved our goalposts - twice - and conceived no3 one month before reaching the new limit.

His original time limit was Christmas just gone - he feels he has already moved the goalposts by a year due to m/c. I have told him how I feel, quite bluntly actually, but it didn't have much impact! We have been to see consultant as I know my hormones are often out (conceived first pg with clomid and DS2 took 18 months), had a blood test which shows hormones are out but consultant just said go back in 4 months.
I was quite upset after the appointment and DH chose the way home to remind me again about the time limit thing.

I had hoped that if I didn't say anything or make a fuss then he would 'forget' to go and book up for the snip but given that he keeps reminding me I guess that won't happen!

Do you think that he really truly wants a no3?

I was more keen than DP to have number 2. However we talked it through and it all worked out right in the end. I pushed to TTC earlier, had a m/c then conceived the month we originally planned to start trying.

TBH I'm not sure setting deadlines is the way to go. It puts even more pressure on what can be a stressful situation. I found the moment I stopped stressing I fell pregnant. As next xmas is such a long way off, I'd say to DP that you will forget about it for now, and both of you discuss it with open minds near the end of the year. Easier said than done but likely to increase you chances of conceiving IMO!! Good luck.

It was his idea to try for number 3! Also his to try again after the m/c so I think he does want another, he just doesn't like to wait for things.
However, I definitely want another more than him. Before the m/c I wasn't too worried but now it is very important to me - I guess I am frustrated because he is quite flippant about it. I don't think deadlines are the way to go - you can't time these things.
Thank you for your comments guys and for letting me rant, I know I am very lucky to have the 2 I've got.

Children, not comments! (just read that last post back - looked a bit funny)

Maybe in that case he is actually grieving over the mc more than you realise (and more than he is willing to accept) and is torn: wants another child but OTOH can't bear the possibility of going through such an experience again.

Men do often see situations as problems with solutions, rather than as processes to go through - which is a more female perspective. I think Flossam is right - try to change the deadline from a point of stopping to a point of reassessssment.

Hope you find a way through this.

I hadn't thought of that PrettyCandles, it is quite like him to bottle things up so I think you may be right.
I also think reassessment point is far better than a deadline and have mentioned it to him - he didn't agree or disagree but has not mentioned it again yet so hopefully it is a step forward.
Also, next appointment date with consultant has come through for July and he seems a little more relaxed since that too.
Thank you both for your advice - made me feel much better on a very low day xxx