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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with MIL on SIL's behalf?

15 replies

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 08/03/2007 10:46

My SIL has been PG with her first baby and has had a rough time of it during the last two weeks. She has gone overdue and had high blood pressure and been pretty fed up but MIL has been in her face the whole time, texting her every night before she goes to bed, decending on her in her really tiny cottage with obnoxious partner in tow and staying overnight. SIL has expressed concern to my other SIL that MIL would be straight there after the birth, and she would rather have some 'alone' time with her new baby, but is too shy to say it (she is relatively new to the family and wouldn't say boo to a goose) However, when she was taken into hospital yesterday and induced, MIL and her obnoxious partner packed their bags and went to stay at SILs house to wait for news (why they couldn't just stay at their own house and wait, I do not know). SIL eventually had her waters broken at 9.30pm, and ended up undergoing an emergency section at around 11pm. By 11.30 she had a lovely healthy baby girl, but when text arrived from BIL, MIL text back to ask if they could come up to see her!!! At 11.30pm!!! Straight after an emergency section!!!!!
I'm really P**d off with MIL for this. I have always referred to her (secretly) as the quiet manipulator. Her partner is a lazy, argumentative PITA and she thinks nothing of bringing him down to stay with her at BIL's miniature cottage when his first baby is born and his poor DP has no say whatsoever. She didn't ask or offer help, she just steamed on down because it's what she wanted and it has made me really . I think she has been very insensitive and considering they only live less than an hour away, cannot understand why she has moved in. Why not just visit? (Even that would be bad enough for poor SIL, as neither MIL nor her lazy P do much to help at all) I'm just thankful I live across the Irish sea. BTW she already has 5 grandchildren, so it's not as though it's all new to her. Am I an unreasonable cow to get so cross about this?

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 08/03/2007 10:49

No, I would be cross too.

Poor SIL Maybe her dh will say something to his mum today? He has to, it's not fair on his wife to come home to these 2 living in her house!!

Nockney · 08/03/2007 10:50

It is annoying, but it really isn't your problem.

I do wonder, though, where is your BIL in all this? Why does your MIL have keys to your SIL's house?

Bozza · 08/03/2007 10:51

No I would feel very much like you do. But it is hard coming from a DIL, isn't it? She would just turn round and accuse your of jealousy or something. Could your DH say something?

throckenholt · 08/03/2007 10:53

sounds like your BIL is a complete pushover not to stand up to his mum. Can your DH have a word with his mum ?

Original poster
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 08/03/2007 10:58

My Dh doesn't see what the problem could be. He just said 'Surely it'd be nice to come home and she's got the house all warm and everything' to which I replied that everyone is different, and very often new mothers need a bit of time to get over what has happened - it is a life changing experience, after all - and that offering assistance is better than just assuming they want you there. It's not even as though it is just her on her own, she's taken that Twunt with her but again, that is just so typical of her.

OP posts:
Nockney · 08/03/2007 10:59

I'm guessing you don't have a great relationship with your MIL? And that your DH doesn't understand your issues there?

Original poster
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 08/03/2007 11:10

Actually, our relationship isn't that bad - She is a nice person, but, as I said before, she is a quiet manipulator. She has 4 sons and is used to being the Queen Bee. She will always get what she wants in a quietly persuasive way and can be fairly insensitive, but in a way that many people will not notice, IYSWIM. She would never shout and rant but she can have a sly little dig with ambiguous comments and always does what she wants to do, rather than what may be best for others.

OP posts:
Bozza · 08/03/2007 11:12

It sounds to me as though your relationship with your MIL benefits from that little matter of the Irish Sea that you mentioned in a previous post.

Bozza · 08/03/2007 11:12

It sounds to me as though your relationship with your MIL benefits from that little matter of the Irish Sea that you mentioned in a previous post.

Bozza · 08/03/2007 11:12
Blush
helenhismadwife · 10/03/2007 18:49

your poor sil its nice that you are thinking of her, is there anyone who can suggest to mil it would be nice if she perhaps had a nice meal waiting for sil when she comes home from hospital with the new baby served it cleared up and then left them alone with there new dd?

Hotenoughtoburnasausage · 02/08/2022 09:09

Zombie.....

titchy · 02/08/2022 09:10

Hmm Err check the date. The 'baby' is a 15 year old now. Why have you resurrected a thread from 2007?

SpiderVersed · 02/08/2022 09:18

Oh my god, it’s not her mother, it’s her husband’s mother???

That poor woman! That’s awful, your husband needs to have a word with his mum. She needs to step back.

AlloftheTime · 02/08/2022 09:45

There is possibly a teenager hiding from her grandparents

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