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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to expect people to respect my nervous and shy rescue dog on her dog walk by recalling your dog from approaching us?

64 replies

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 02/04/2017 23:03

Went on a lovely river walk today. DDog is very shy and nervous and doesnt really enjoy her street walks although we do these twice a day to help her get used to all the new noise.

Weekends we have time to walk along the river on her long lead, she gets to go in front and ahead. She is a major sniffer so I always catch her up quickly, she really enjoys the river walk and so do I.

Today, out of no where runs a dog straight towards us with no owner in view. I'll admit I panicked due to not seeing an owner and ended up picking my girl up (not a small breed) and putting my back to this dog. Not sure if that was the right thing to do but that's what I did. Owner eventually came along, failed to recall multi times and wasn't bothered at all.

We went our separate ways and enjoyed the rest of a walk only to encounter them again. And again the dog legged it to us. By now I'm thinking it's a friendly dog and my DDog is ok but doesn't like to be rushed in to meeting new friends. AIBU to think this is just rude and if you can't recall your dog they should be on a long lead at the least?

I spoke to the owner and told him to sort his re call out and get his dog on a long lead but he just said his dog is friendly and happy!

It really nerves me, did I do the right thing by picking my girl up. We live the river weekend walk but I can't cope with that every weekend, any tips?

OP posts:
muttrat · 03/04/2017 09:57

I don't think you can expect other owners to realise your dog is so nervous. I would let my dog run to your dog but I would make eye contact and ask if it was OK. My dog is very kind and friendly and I know he won't start a fight but I always check. Some owners like him to come and say hello to help socialise their own dog, some say better not in which case I put t him on the lead. It's lovely when they meet friends and play off lead.

GreyHare · 03/04/2017 09:58

I have learnt that people are arseholes, and that some/many of them own dogs and just don't care that their 'friendly' dog will bounce/pester/annoy off lead dogs and on lead dogs and will come out with such gems as 'don't worry, he's just being friendly,/he just wants to play' and my personal favourite of 'oh don't worry if your dog goes for him, he needs a good telling off' I find standing between my dogs and their dog makes us boring and uninteresting, and fending off approaching dog with a leg or foot tends to get the other owners attention as they worry you are going to kick their dog, or the other thing to do is throw a handful of treats at approaching dog in the hope of distracting it and you walk away quickly and confidently, but please don't pick your dog up as this will just escalate her fear as she will pick up on your nerves and she will then worry more because you are worried, when she should be looking to you to get confidence from you.

GreyHare · 03/04/2017 10:00

Muttrat seriously you allow your off lead dog to approach on lead dogs? Please don't it takes 2 seconds to pop on a lead and walk past an on lead dog, it is so rude and annoying allowing your dog to pester others.

smallchanceofrain · 03/04/2017 10:17

I have a similar problem with my dog. She's very nervous if other dogs run towards her - she jumps and "screams" and tries to get away. However, she's fine if they approach calmly and will usually ignore them. Over time I have worked out where we are most likely to bump into dogs off lead and we avoid those places. One of the best places to walk near us has a group of dog owners who meet up and have 8 or 9 dogs running around together. We encountered them a couple of times and never went back.
If I can see a problem heading our way I ask the other owner to clip their lead on. The ones that make me really angry are the dogs that just appear with no owner in view. The owner usually appears a few minutes later, after my dog has been terrified, to tell me that their dog won't hurt us and just wants to play. My standard response is that my dog doesn't know this. They then walk off, leaving rover to do a dump that they fail to see him doing. Boils my piss. Sorry, but it really does. If a dog doesn't have good recall it shouldn't be off lead.
GreyHare gives good advice. If a dog owner sees you with your foot in the air they soon quicken their step. Don't pick your dog up but do put yourself between your dog and the other dog if you can. My dog is more confident if there are two or three of us walking with her, it's a pack thing presumably.

JigglyTuff · 03/04/2017 10:40

I put my dog on a lead if I see another dog on lead as he will go and say hello otherwise.

Ideally all owners should do that but just as there are parents who are a bit shit, there are rubbish dog owners. Training recall takes time and effort

winkywinkola · 03/04/2017 10:44

As soon as I see a dog on a lead - any lead - I call my two dogs back. There's usually a reason a dog is on a lead.

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 11:25

YANBU OP.

This is one of the reasons I never visit off lead dog places. We're in the US and in most places your dog must be leashed at all times, other than on your own property, and in my experience this is enforced pretty strictly. Where we used to live a couple of people kept ignoring the laws, so the animal control chap took the dogs to the pound, and the owners had to pay the release fee fine. They were very abusive to him, but their dogs were far enough away from them that he had time to coach them and load them into his truck before the owner got close - apparently they still insisted their dogs were under control.

People tend to keep their dogs away from ours as she's a doberman and presumably they think they might get more than they bargained for if they let their dog barrel up to her Hmm. They wouldn't, she not remotely interested in other dogs unless they get aggressive but people make assumptions.

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 11:25

Catch them, not coach them!

MipMipMip · 03/04/2017 12:10

Gray PLEASE don't throw treats at dogs - a lot are on a specialist diet and can get very ill. There are several. Like that in my local training class.

In fact to everyone don't feed a dog treats without asking! And if someone does ask don't assume they'll be offended if you say no - always amazes me how people are so nervous about saying no to an offer.

Jemimapiddleduck · 03/04/2017 12:17

Not at all.

We have many dogs (working sheep dogs)

I would never allow them to approach a dog they did not know, all dogs should only be off leash if they have a recall. I mean a say their name once and they come rushing back recall. If they dont have that you need to work on training.

It really annoys me when people allow their boistrous dogs to come and clamber all over my dogs in the name of "play" keep your fucking dog under control.

I found having a good distractor for the timid dogs works well, a treat or a tennis ball whatever you can do to get them away from teh approaching dog. And JUST.KEEP.WALKING

GreyHare · 03/04/2017 12:51

*Gray PLEASE don't throw treats at dogs - a lot are on a specialist diet and can get very ill. There are several. Like that in my local training class.

In fact to everyone don't feed a dog treats without asking! And if someone does ask don't assume they'll be offended if you say no - always amazes me how people are so nervous about saying no to an offer.*

If your dogs approach when my dogs on leads and you don't recall them then I will do whatever I see fit and necessary to keep my dogs and myself happy and safe.

I do not randomly feed other dogs, only rude dogs with ruder ignorant owners, it's not hard to clip your dog on a lead if you see an approaching dog on a lead, it's called manners and respect.

BiteyShark · 03/04/2017 13:00

It always amazes me when people really think an off lead 'friendly' dog is 'in control' but an on lead one isn't. Unfortunately OP some people think the world revolves around them and their dog and they have the right to go and jump up on your dog despite your dog being under control on a lead.

An owner that was struggling with a recall would grab them and apologise. An owner who doesn't care won't and I have come to realise you won't change their opinion because they don't care about anyone else at all.

MipMipMip · 03/04/2017 13:37

Gray I DO put my dog on the lead if i see one. I've been quite surprised recently how many people don't - my dog is temporarily on lead walks so I've been noticing (and yes, if I see someone clocking us and putting their dog on lead i let them know mine is friendly so they don't have to.)

But I also see LOADS of people giving out treats without checking. Post OP MipHound wasn't allowed biscuits but he got loads because so many people just assumed it was ok and gave him things. Normally wouldn't matter for him but there are others I know who get very very sick if given things off diet. You can't always tell someone will do something so stupid without checking.

Glad you're not one who feeds random dogs Gray but there's a lot that do.

FireSquirrel · 03/04/2017 14:26

Please ignore any advice which mentions 'pack leader' or 'dominance', these are very old outdated theories which have been debunked.

Nobody should be letting their off lead dog run up to yours. Their dog might be friendly but yours is on lead for a reason, so common courtesy dictates that they should call theirs back and call out to check whether it's ok for their dog to approach or not.

I absolutely disagree with those who say that you are mollycoddling her and that meeting other dogs like that will help her get used to it. What will help her get used to other dogs is gradual exposure at her own pace in a controlled environment. All that having uncontrolled dogs runbing upto her is going to do is overwhelm her and make her even more scared the next time, not less so. Sometimes when dogs are pushed too far beyond their threshold they can shut down completely, this can give the illusion of being cured but in fact the behaviour has just been suppressed, which means it's likely to resurface at a later date or express itself through some other way, often through 'unexpected' aggression.

Ideally preventing the situation occuring in the first place is the ideal, so i'd suggest not walking her at busy times or where there's likely to be lots of off lead dogs. There's not a lot you can do when a dog suddenly runs up to you unexpectedly, I would suggest not picking her up, purely because that can make the approaching dog even more excited and likely to jump up. Place yourself between your dog and he approaching dog and block it with your body, or turn and walk rapidly the other way, depending on the situation. Don't be afraid to be very assertive wth calling out to approaching dog owners and asking them to recall their dog.

Long term you want to work on desensitisation, find somewhere where your dog can observe other dogs at a distance and give lots of praise and treats for not reacting or for positive reactions, then slowly decrease the distance over time. If your dog won't take the treats or respond to commands then they are anxious, you are too close and you need to increase the distance.

StarryIllusion · 03/04/2017 14:54

I think you just have to expect it. I'd not be letting mine do that but sadly the world is full of people who just don't care. Don't pick her up though. As well as putting you both in danger, you are reinforcing to her that there is something to be afraid of.

muttrat · 03/04/2017 15:52

Muttrat seriously you allow your off lead dog to approach on lead dogs? Please don't it takes 2 seconds to pop on a lead and walk past an on lead dog, it is so rude and annoying allowing your dog to pester others

Oh well. I've not upset anyone yet

*settles down and awaits the wrath of the mumsnet dog police×

missyB1 · 03/04/2017 16:02

OP you say your dog was on a long lead, how long and was the lead visible? I've come across dogs that appear to be off lead until we are very close up and I realise they are on a long lead, other dogs and owners may well think yours is off lead especially if it's one of those awful retractable (and invisible) leads.

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 16:03

muttrat but what if the on lead dog attacks your dog?

Madbengalmum · 03/04/2017 16:09

It is one of my bugbears too Op, we have been verbally attacked on many occasions when i have asked people to put dogs on their lead. As mine is a large breed they assume it is because she is aggressive, but its actually because an off lead labrador bit her and she has been nervous ever since. I have always advocated that dogs should be on leads in a public place, for the sake of others and thier dogs, also children and adults who may be dog nervous.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2017 16:11

Get one of those traffic light things to put on your lead, to warn others your dog needs space.

podrig · 03/04/2017 17:07

You will reinforce your dog's fear by behaving like that Hmm.

theredjellybean · 03/04/2017 17:17

I have encountered a similar issue..i live in country , loads of lovely quiet lanes to walk your dog on , on the lead, but one lady insists of walking accross the open fields where most of us let our dogs off the lead to run around, and she has a nervous dog and gets very shouty and angry when my dogs went up to hers...I called mine back and they came and i walked past her with mine at heel but i am not putting them back on their leads. Her dog was on a very long lead and wandering around and my two went over to have a sniff...all reasonable i thought. If she was so worried she should a: choose to walk not on open fields perhaps and b: retract her very long lead ....so my two dogs walked nicely at heel past her dog still wandering freely about on a 10 ft lead ...she was not happy i did not put them on the lead.

Hidingtonothing · 03/04/2017 17:17

muttrat but what if the on lead dog attacks your dog?

I'd like to know the answer to this too. So many owners seem happy to take this risk with their own dogs' safety and I genuinely don't get it Confused

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 18:17

Yes exactly Hidingtonothing I don't get it Confused

MiaowTheCat · 03/04/2017 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.