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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go into school tomorrow

29 replies

AppleCakeCustard · 02/04/2017 19:45

On Friday,one of DDs subject teachers asked to speak to her at the end of the lesson. The teacher asked if she had counselling and dd said no. The teacher then told dd that she shouldn't be afraid to admit if she does and that she wouldn't tell anyone and that dd should use the lesson as an escape/outlet .

Aibu to go into schooo tomorrow and ask the teacher what all that was about? Dd doesn't have counselling,and she said the lesson went the same as any lesson,went to class,did the work and doesn't see why the teacher would think she had counselling.

OP posts:
dinosaursandtea · 02/04/2017 19:46

Are there any issues at home or school? Maybe she was confusing your DD with another child..

Grannyben · 02/04/2017 19:52

Don't make it an issue but just ask out of curiosity. It does seem a funny thing to say. How old is your daughter

Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 02/04/2017 19:53

She's 15. I don't want to go to school and make a big deal,just find out why she asked in case there's anything I'm missing Hmm

OP posts:
BrieAndChilli · 02/04/2017 20:00

I probably wouldn't go in but would email/wrote a note

tinytemper66 · 02/04/2017 20:05

Children can have access to counselling sessions in school without parental consent but I do admit it is odd for the teacher to ask.

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2017 20:08

A teacher should never promise not to tell anyone. That's odd. They are obliged to report any information that suggests the child may be at risk.
I would approach the school and ask if there are any concerns.

Lazyafternoon · 02/04/2017 20:43

Definitely contact the school. I don't think going in person is necessary, but email/ phone and find out if

  • mistaken identity
  • something the teacher was asking everyone
  • something you are not aware of

Presumably your DD has told you this and is equally confused. Make this clear to school, that the teacher had confused your DD and concerned you. You would like what's going on clarified.

Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 02/04/2017 20:53

I will phone in tomorrow. Dd said she was the only one that had to stay behind and got asked. I've never had any reason to think Dd needs counselling so I'm not sure why this teacher does. I've asked Dd is she's okay or had any problems at school and she said no.

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Allthebestnamesareused · 02/04/2017 20:54

Under safeguarding she or he should definitely not have said she won't tell anyone. I would report this.

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2017 20:55

Teacher could have overheard something. Could be as simple as them discussing a soap or a book they've read and the teacher thinking it is real experience.
Could be something she wrote.
Teacher could have mistaken who she heard saying something worrying.
I wouldn't assume your child needed counselling.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 02/04/2017 20:58

Yep I'd email the teacher or ring in, that's unprofessional of them to ask that.

Oakmaiden · 02/04/2017 21:05

She wasn't saying she wouldn't tell anyone about safeguarding concerns, she was saying she wouldn't tell anyone if the child was having counselling. Which, I would have thought, was fine.

Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 02/04/2017 21:05

Yes , Oak you're right. She said she wouldn't tell anyone if she had counselling sessions

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MaisyPops · 02/04/2017 21:12

She wasn't saying she wouldn't tell anyone about safeguarding concerns, she was saying she wouldn't tell anyone if the child was having counselling. Which, I would have thought, was fine.
Thats how i took it.
Kids come to see staff all the time saying they have a mentor meetinf/counselling but could we not tell. Aka. Please dont mention it to me at all in class, when i ask to leave please dont aks my reason because ive been to see you in advance etc.
But some MN folk love to jump straight to reporting on staff.

OP, it may have been mistaken identity. I wouldnt go into school but I would give the teacher a call and just say you think theres beem a misunderstanding, could you have a quick chat. If any parent of a student called me lile that I really wouldnt mind (and might be awkward embarrassed if i have got the wrong child!).
Id be more annoyed if a parent went in reporting me like others suggest on these kinds of threads without having had the courtesy to speak to me.

SecretNetter · 02/04/2017 21:18

What lesson was it op and what was it discussing?

Could it have been more of a point of interest for the teacher as dd had come out with a particular phrase common in self-help techniques or something...and then maybe become concerned if your dd reacted defensively? As opposed to being a suggestion that she needed counselling?

SecretNetter · 02/04/2017 21:25

Not sure if my post made sense as such...I don't mean 'point of interest' for the teacher in a nosy way. But if it was, say, a biology class discussing the bodies fight or flight reactions and your dd has come out with something to do with stress/breathing techniques that sounded like she'd heared it professionally, and got the teacher thinking enough to check if all was ok?

Trifleorbust · 02/04/2017 21:25

A teacher can't promise a child they won't tell anyone about a safeguarding concern, i.e. something that the child chooses to disclose that someone needs to know about - a risk to the child. The fact that the child might be under counselling, however, wouldn't fall into that category of 'disclosure' because the child is already under the care of professionals. It isn't a safeguarding concern.

Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 02/04/2017 21:27

It was music and they're leaning about a concerto . Dd said nothing like that came up in the lesson

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Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 03/04/2017 13:02

The teacher said Dd is usually quiet and looks withdrawn every lesson

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Trifleorbust · 03/04/2017 13:04

Sounds like she is just concerned for her.

Bluntness100 · 03/04/2017 13:05

Clearly something is alerting the teacher and he or she is concerned about your daughter. I'd speak to the teacher to find out why.

Allthewaves · 03/04/2017 13:07

Perhaps teacher has noticed a personality change. I'd ask for the teacher to ring me and have a chat. I'd be worried that she's noticed something iv missed

Original poster
AppleCakeCustard · 03/04/2017 15:38

I spoke to the head of year this morning and she said that the teacher came to her on Friday after the lesson to say Dd was very withdrawn and quiet.

I did get a call back from the teacher and she said Dd hasn't been her usual self ,answering questions or being chatty so wondered if something has happened. Glad the teacher noticed because I haven't noticed a change

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Rinoachicken · 03/04/2017 15:42

Has she been quiet and withdrawn in all her lessons aloe just music though? If it's only in that lesson then maybe she just isn't enjoying the lesson?

Oakmaiden · 03/04/2017 19:44

It is nice to know the teacher is looking out for her pupils, and cares enough to notice when they seem not quite right...

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