My DB has always been helped out by our parents both in terms of money, life, childcare etc and I am so pleased my parents help out when times are tough. A few years ago my bro was doing it tough with his dw and two boys. My parents helped them out with bills etc alot as money was bad. My bro took the move to get a better job and landed a brilliant job. He and dw earn approx 90k between them. They save approx £600 a month. My brother does whatever he can not to pay for childcare and always ends up calling asking for help with my nephew's in the holiday and they can't afford to pay for the childminder or school clubs etc. As it happens i like looking after them for the occasional day and they are close with my son. But he puts on my parents unreasonably for childcare. E.g despite knowing term times it's always a last minute problem and noone to have the kids tomorrow etc.
So that's a big annoyance but not my problem so i get over that. HOWEVER.... Last year they went on a 6k holiday, this year a 5k holiday and next year have booked another 6k holiday. He has asked my parents to give him £25k to top up their savings so that they can buy a house and that they can write it in their will that i get £25k more when they die. I already have a mortgage as i sacrificed nice holidays to buy a house. Yes i admit to holiday envy. My parents said yes and then said no as not fair to me and can't afford to give us £50k now. I only found this out as he was moaning to me about it and surely i wouldn't mind as he only has half the money needed for a deposit. I told him I actually felt uncomfortable with the whole conversation and that perhaps if they were so desperate for a house they could sacrifice £15k worth of holidays until after next year. But as it's money from bonus' he doesn't see it was actual money.
Anyway, i rang my mum to talk and said i felt bad that they had this major conversation about money that could screw them over in old age (only 60s now). I was told they have agreed to give my bro stamp duty and fees once he has proved he can save the rest (a few days after they had that conversation he booked a £4k holiday). He didn't tell me that last part about the stamp duty etc. Mum said to me she would give me and DH the same amount. I said very politely that whilst that's a nice gesture, i felt they were only offering me money because they wanted to help my bro out who they said is desperate for a house and want to be fair to us. They hadnt actually just wanted to help us both out randomly iyswim. I said i felt that as my bro can save £5-600 a month plus big bonuses, that i felt their family has made the choice to take longer to save and to enjoy nice holidays, therefore his decision to delay a mortgage. It's not that he can't save. I basically said i felt that he should be made to save up for a mortgage and all fees themselves as only another 2-2 years off having full deposit & fees. The £10k for giving is money my bro could save in a year, two max. Most people aren't in that situation. Aibu? I had to work hard to save for my mortgage and whilst i don't begrudge my parents wanting to help us out occasionally, it's a huge sum of money for them. If he had got 90% of what he needed but couldn't save e.g on one salary etc, then I'd totally support my parents helping him. So it's not about the money but the principal as he has always been bailed out by them. I don't know why i am so upset by this.
Knock some sense into me