To remind you: DON'T cut bread rolls while holding them.

[BertieBotts]

I have just spent five hours in an admittedly very lovely German hospital being sliced up and put back together.

On Monday of last week I decided to have a bread roll at work. I was cutting into it with a serrated table knife and I didn't realise the knife was sharper than the ones I have at home, and cut my little finger. Oh well, thought I, that's annoying, and held it under the tap, but it wouldn't stop bleeding, so I ran to get help. Some of the office staff patched me up but strongly suggested I go to hospital. They even wanted to call an ambulance but I said I'd prefer to go myself.

Anyway. In A&E. Quite a lot of blood at this point. DH hoiked out of his very important first day in a new job , starting to feel that the labour breathing exercises aren't really cutting it. They took me off straight away into an operating room cum corridor (was v odd), gave me some pain relief in a little cup and started trying to assess the damage. There was some concern that I couldn't move the finger independently and then they realised it was also entirely numb on one side.

I had managed to sever the artery, nerve and tendon... so they stitched me up, gave me a tetanus shot and sent me home with a note to go to the next doctor.

After lots of back and forth between various surgeons and a system I'm still not sure I understand, they sent me off to a company who make medical adaptation devices to get a special brace (which costs €600, thank God for health insurance!) and an anaesthetist for a lovely chat about whether I'd like general anaesthetic or an injection in the shoulder to numb my whole arm (I went for the general, I don't like needles) and here I am 11 days after the accident with a "bionic arm"... They've repaired the tendon, and done microscopic stitches in the nerve, apparently, which is quite fascinating, but something in the op seems to have disabled half the nerves on my ring finger too. Currently only allowed paracetamol and ibuprofen, which is not particularly effective, but takes the edge off.

I've cut rolls like this for years. I've never thought anything of it. I know technically you're supposed to do it on a flat surface but I always (thought) I was paying attention and it would be fine. Clearly not! So here is my reminder to you and your teenage DC: it only takes a second to find a flat surface to cut on. Please make sure you do it and don't end up like me I was thinking I hadn't done much damage as I hadn't hit bone, but it really is quite serious.

How awful Bertie - that's a serious injury!

Might I add my caution to never attempt the casual 'whack' to remove the stone from the avacado. It looks so easy when done right. Apparently, not meant to use a thin serrated knife with the long thin point. Which ended up through my palm and out the other end.

No lasting damage, but

Goodness me, you poor thing. Thanks for the reminder as I do things like this sometimes.

Oh dear you poor thing. Have you had to have your arm amputated.

It's so easily done - I opened a vacuum packed Edam cheese like it once and went through to the bone - ended up in a&e to have it glued together and still have the scar.

Not as bad as yours though - hope it's healing well.

No - but the painkillers have now worn off my arm, and it feels like they've been yanking the tendon right from the elbow so I may ask them to soon

Next paracetamol in 45 minutes....

That's a well-impressive splint thing. It looks like you could plug into the Internet!

DH and DS are disappointed they didn't add a laser or a grappling hook.

They are right to be disappointed.

I've figured out b#now, I'm not getting pain from the finger (well, not much) but I'm getting cramp from the way my other fingers are bunched together and can't move. It comes in waves. That's annoying.

In my post baby no sleep stage I managed to cut the top of my thumb off making a stew, I only realised when dh screamed so being a Sunday and not wanting to mess about I superglued it back on, it stung but seemed to work, until a week later taking my notes back off the health visitor it came unstuck and landed on her lap. She was not impressed and I got a telling off in A&E the sepsis wasn't fun either.
In summary don't superglue bits back on that you cut off