Aibu To think the university's response wasn't good enough?

[Flixybelle]

My little sister is away at Uni in her first year and staying in halls. Today she went to get a shower (the bathroom is literally a foot away from her room and is a single almost aeroplane sized bathroom) and she closed but didn't lock her door. Later she walked past her room mates room and their sat on his desk was her necklace she had taken off for her shower and a bracelet that our Aunt (now dead)had given her which she had put in her jewellery box inside a box in her wardrobe.

She grabbed it back off the desk and went to tell her friends who told her to call Campus security, so she did. Security came and confronted the boy and asked if it was true he said yes, at this point another flatmate came in and said her purse was missing so they all went upstairs to the room and they found a stash of other peoples belongings packed up ready to leave for the Easter break.

The security team then told the girls (all girls just this 1 boy) that they shouldn't have left their doors open and because they had it was their own fault and the boy hadn't done anything wrong as he now had returned their stuff. My sister is obviously very very upset and feels that the security team have basically given this boy permission to steal anything if its not behind a locked door. They all share a living area and a kitchen. My sister was so upset and angry and just wants to come home but has gone to stay with her boyfriend with anything of value for a bit instead. I have said that she should make a complaint and contact the police for advice but the security told her she can't!

AIBU to think this is not ok? Yes she should lock her bedroom door but theft is theft right?

Yes, I was surprised to find mixed halls on a recent Uni visit and felt
uncomfortable about it.
I was happy to have boyfriends (including mine) sleeping over but I wouldn't want to share a bathroom with them on a daily basis.

Is this privately owned halls or actually owned and managed by the university? Many universities now don't run the halls of residence which has removed the option of taking up university disciplinary procedures, and leaves the onus on the private hall company to take action - unfortunately but not perhaps surprisingly, they tend to minimise things as the objective for them is just to retain the money of paying tenants. I would also advise going to the union and the student advice team (or whatever they're called, who deal with housing and finance type problems). Ask to speak to the campus police officer for advice too.

We had mixed halls in the 90's too.

from an insurance perspective the same applies even if you live in a shared house. Though as OP says that is not the issue, the issue is holding this thief to account and ensuring it doesn't happen again.

It would be reasonable to expect you could pop to the bathroom without someone ransacking your room. Who wants to live like that?!!

Shame them on social media. Which uni? Which halls?

and for the poll I was in a single sex flat in halls in the 90s

I don't know why they are insisting the doors are locked at all times- how can anyone I force that!

Both my dds have been in halls mixed! and they have not had to do this. The main door to their flat yes, but not thier bedroom doors.

Check the contract.

She could contact the Student Advisory Service (or whatever it is called at her institution) and also the Students' Union.

*inforce

A mixed hall of residence? When did this become a thing?

I was in one in 1974.

If I was her I would go to someone in the University admin, with the others and say that if something isn't done then they will go to the police over the thefts and about campus security being keen to cover it up.

As for enforcing the contract that doesn't sound like a reasonable clause.

A mixed hall of residence? When did this become a thing?

Lol at least 20 years ago!

Almost 30! I was in mixed halls my first time at uni in '92!!

"but I wouldn't want to share a bathroom with them on a daily basis." The boys were better than the girls! Girls took bloody ages used all my products and left a right bloody mess!!!

Fucking victim blaming idle bastards! Absolutely ludicrous to expect them to lock their doors every time they go for a pee or a shower!! Wonder if that would have been their reaction if the thief were female and the victims male?

Police and I DARE them to kick her out for this! If they do - perfect time for a DM sad face, Twitter storm and a slating on 'student room' see how many students use their halls then!

As an aside, I thought you meant a bathroom the size of an aeroplane!!!

I was also amused at the bathroom the size of an aeroplane!

just thinking about it some more and feeling angry on your behalf. It's a piss poor attitude actually.

Pinkdelight- ha ha ha nope not quite its a weird plastic pokey thing.

I have emailed the Director of Student Services and asked about the policy and querying whether victim blaming, threats and no police involvement is part of that policy. I have asked for a name of who she can speak tomorrow for reassurance and have told them she will be reporting it to the police.

Of course she can contact the Police to report it, they may not pursue it, however, surely the university halls have a duty of care. How can she be expected to continue to live in such close proximity to someone who helps themselves to her possessions (most people would perceive this as theft).

Blimey - I was in mixed halls of residence in the 80s and I'm shocked by the number of people that think single sex halls are a normal thing, still or relatively recently by the sound of it. The only ones I came across were those attached to single sex colleges in Oxford that friends were at - and those were rapidly disappearing.

More seriously, back to the OP's sister... Has she been issued with any rules or regulations or is there a poster in easily readable distance in her Hall (ie not in tiny letters behind the security guard's desk!) - if so, she needs to read it to see what it says.

If it says that rooms always need to be locked then they need to support that by having things like hooks or shelves available in the showers and loos for people to put their keys on because it would be unreasonable to expect people to have a shower and not have somewhere safe and dry to put the keys - likewise if you're going to the loo in the middle of the night, you're not going to have a bag to hold them in and it's not very hygienic to have to put them on the floor (or even on a shelf, depending where it is!). So if they haven't got some of these basic things done then they can't really be expecting people to lock the door when they pop into the shower or bathroom... Completely reasonable if they are visiting a different part of the hall (the halls we were in had different corridors with a kitchen for each; you needed a key to get through the front door and another key to get through the corridor kitchen door - so would expect to lock it if going out of the corridor. other friends in different halls only had a lock on the front door of the hall and their bedrooms and they had yale locks on - they were expected to keep a key on them at all times and keep the rooms locked if they weren't in them. So it really does depend on the hall...

But yes, shocking that the security guy was so unbothered about an admitted thief not getting punished or sorted out!! - definitely needs dealing with by the uni authorities and the police.

How the fuck can they say that the boy did nothing wrong?

They say only that your sister was in breach of her contract for not locking her door?? Surely the boy was in breach of his contract for sneaking in and stealing their stuff!

I remember when my DD1 started uni in 2013 and there was advice in handbook urging them to lock doors. The same handbook also stated very stringently that behaviour such as theft would not be tolerated.

A mixed hall of residence? When did this become a thing?

Someone has said at least 20 years ago, I can confirm its more than 35 years (in the UK)! Not sure when it was NOT a thing - some universities have some single sex halls, but most halls have been mixed for a long time

That's appalling.

So they know that they didn't lock their doors but are not taking action about the 'breach of contract'.... unless then victims call the police and all of a sudden not locking your door becomes a breach worthy of victim.

They're just trying to hush them up because they don't want the bad publicity.

My first call would be to the police and my second to the local paper. There's no way they'll evict them if this is in the papers.

It smacks of all,that stuff in America where they realised that rapes were being hushed up because victims were being told their own security and internal disciplinary procedures would deal with it. Then here was no punishment for the rapists and the victims had to sit in lectures with them for the rest of their degree.

It's absolutely despicable and, actually, it's illegal to put pressure on the victim of a crime to not give evidence so I guess as well as the moral implications, they're on very dodgy legal ground.

A breach worthy of eviction

Having your milk or cereal knicked is one thing but someone stealing wallets and jewellery is a whole other matter.

The very, very least I would be suggesting that your DS do is insist that the boy is moved to another flat.

A mixed hall of residence? When did this become a thing?