WWYD - MIL thread

[DucksOnThePond]

My BIL lives within driving distance and has just announced PIL are coming down over the holidays and that he assumes we will be about over Easter weekend. When I said we are away to see my DF with DS he responded they are coming earlier than our trip away so there would still be lots of time. We are in the process of processing a lot of changes and they know this. Considering he hasn't even taken the time off work for any part of this earlier visit time I can't help feel that the actual assumption must have therefore been that we would just be able to look after them even tho we had no input on timings. Assumption - our plans didn't matter. WWYD

Processing changes - moving house

Thanks for clarifying that Ducks and indeed a stressful time
but you could surely crowbar in an hour or two or maybe even, shock horror, lop an hour or two off your visit to your own family

And thanks for the highly colourful terminology. I am going to steal it quite shamelessly

Why didn't you just say moving house, which everyone understands, rather than "processing changes", which clearly no-one does?

Another one wondering if there's more of a back story - if inlaws are demanding, needy, rude etc in which case I understand why you might be annoyed but you should give us more info otherwise you sound a bit unreasonable.

My own inlaws are a bit very irritating but harmless really and in fact mil called yesterday to give a date when she would like to stay in two weeks. I am also processing a lot of changes (house projects) but as dh and DC like to see her I will make sure I am stocked up on newspapers, sudoku magazines and her special food types - and if I'm busy she will have to look after herself.

Xpost. Ok moving house, I am more sympathetic. Give inlaws some packing cases and bubble wrap and tell them to make themselves useful!

Didn't expect this issue from reading the title. Not really a Mil issue.

Get your DH to ring/contact them and say you're busy

((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) on packing/ moving. It's hell.

Yes - an hour or two of course. I get on with them..,, but if BIL and they have made an arrangement but he not taking any time off work during this pre Easter time isn't the implication of more than a few hours - but more we will just drop everything?

I think you'd have had a lot more sympathy if you'd said you were moving house!

Tell them you are moving house.
What kind of dreadful management speak is "processing changes" 😂

So they are coming to visit BIL who won't take time off work but you have to entertain them

Yes your most recent post makes a lot of sense OP and I sympathise and as several have said, this is not really about your MiL but your arse of a BiL

It doesn't matter what the implication is, just make an arrangement that means your DH gets to see his parents, they get to see their grand kids (if you have any).

Wind down the drama.

Bil hasn't said that you have to look after them while he's at work, so maybe you are making an assumption about it. If you're moving house, i doubt they'll expect you to drop everything to be by their side.

The Pil are adult and I'm sure they'll be able to entertain themselves until your Bil gets home.

What does 'driving distance' mean? 5mins away or an hour away?

Ducks, I would speak to your PIL.

Tell them it will be lovely to see them, but as they know, you will be busy packing, and won't have a lot of time to spend with them.

Perhaps you could arrange a dinner out, and a day out with them while they are around. That way, you will be making an effort to spend time with them, but won't be giving the impression that you are on 24 hour entertainment duties.

If they want to come over at other times, assure them that they are welcome, but will have to "take you as they find you" because you will be packing (or unpacking?).

Are you Gwyneth Paltrow? She does conscious uncoupling while normal people break up. You are processing changes while the rest of us move house. Not trying to be bitchy but really weirded by the terminology (as I was with Gwyn).

That aside, if you are too busy and planned full to see them then don't see them. If they get angry at you then it's even better for them not to deal with you . Just keep your boundaries.

MILs really cannot win, what has she done in all of this for the thread to be about her?

EdBalls genius very "Yes, Minister"!

Thanks twatty ...and what's more I am easily old enough to remember it!

Just get your dh to phone your inlaws and pop over..

It's more hurtful & offensive when relatives are visiting locally and don't make the effort to see you, trust me.

Won't they understand how busy you are and be happy with limited visiting?

She came within 20 miles of her DiL without express permission, I think

'Hi. Hubster will pop over when he gets some time. He will be thrilled to see them. I of course will be packing so won't get a chance. Not to worry'.

So BIL is very busy with preparation for a work exam happening in a few months so wont be around a lot. PIL will check that he can see us for lunch on the Friday but not sure if it will fit in with his schedule

On this occasion I agree with others about mil's not being able to win. It's probably a case of inaccurate wording on the title but this thread isnt about your mil at all. Your pil are visiting your bill, you think your bill has possibly implied that your presence will be required.

Either you or husband sets expectations with bil, or talk to inlaws directly and say you've heard they are visiting bill and would they like you all / or one of you to pop in for coffee at some point, if you can.