...To Ask Him To Commute?

[StarryStarryNightShift]

NC - regular UN potentially recognisable. Cutted up pear, etc.

Background: DH main earner, 8-6 kind of hours. I work PT in a busy job involving shiftwork. My job is relatively transferable but I've recently (last 12m or so) found a team I like and I'd like to stay with. In order to transfer, the new workplace would have to be in/around a fairly major city. 2DCs, one in primary school, one in nursery. We've previously relocated a few times with DH's work, including overseas. I've not enjoyed the constant moving (every 2-3 years) but it's been right for our family to do it.

DH's company have recently announced they are moving a number of the regional offices to London. His choices are effectively:

1. Commute from current home - East mids, not far from East Coast mainline. Financial assistance will be given for at least a couple of years. Expectation would be 3 days in London office with the remaming two days from home or in a token regional office.

Pros: keep house, continuity for DCs/us, I stay in the same job/ Cons: Could be expensive if financial support withdrawn, tiring, isolating?, I'd need help with childcare when shifts fell unhelpfully.

1. Move to commuterville nearer London - one-off lump sum to help with relocation costs would probably be available.

Pros: closer to work/mates, would be a pretty much permanent move (though we hoped this last one would be too!). Cons: House prices would be significantly higher, I'd need to look for a new job. Uprooting DD1 again. I'd still need help with childcare given how far out we'd probably end up living (see house prices, above).

1. Leave the company. This terrifies him, he likes his job, the company (despite this move!) and his colleagues. Probably not an option we want to look at - and prospects locally are probably only best described as fair. I'd become the main earner and would have to step up to FT work, at least in the short term (not a problem).

I'm tired of moving house, and I really quite like our home, our neighbours here, feel like we're making friends at school, etc. We have people who like our kids enough to babysit them regularly! I want to put roots down. He's of a similar view, but is afraid of the commute - he's worried about damaging relationships with the DCs, interrupting his hobby (does 2x weeknights at present), general exhaustion...

So I'm looking for your tales of commuting - mostly successes (please ), but cautionary tales also welcomed. Thanks in advance...

My view would be to set regular days for being in London - so 3 days and then find someone with a spare room to rent for two days, plenty of people want the extra money without the hassle of weekend lodgers. I would actually look at tue to Thur being London days to avoid the crushes on Mon and Fri, but actually this psychologically seems to be better for managers if they are not used to people working from home. Make sure he has decent bed, comfy chair and TV in room plus WIFI access. This is unlikely to cost more than a commute on a part time basis. The other two days he is regional/home based and ask him to work to his hours to give better quality of life for those days with the kids etc. Trial it and review.

I worked London and lived Peterborough for a couple of years and also worked London lived Warwick for a while too with a split home/work week. There are definitely ways to manage things for this but cost wise the railways don't really help for PT commuters.

We have friends who commute Peterborough to Hammersmith every day. Door to door

2 hours each way isn't a great commute but it's certainly do-able, particularly if it's for 3 days a week. I'm not sure how much you'd actually shorten the commute by moving closer (used to do the same length commute living about 40 miles from London, which felt ridiculous!). Difficult to get any London commute to less than an hour, unless the office is very close to the main line station you come in at.

I think 4 hours commuting a day is too much. I know people in similar situations who moved halfway between each others jobs so both commute, but the length is more reasonable. And I turned down a good job offer with a daily 4 hour commute.

I commute 2 or 3 times a week to London, from south, it takes pretty much two hours door to door. It's doable, bit tiring but not excessively so. But I'm lucky in that I can work on the train, so leave the office a bit earlier most days. But that wouldn't work for some jobs.
But if the plan is to stay in London 2 nights, then I think that would work well. Plenty of people do that.
We moved fairly recently, and it was hard to move the DCs so I would be loathe (sp?) to do that again).

I wouldn't do 5 days commuting, but I think 3 days is OK. And if he can work from home on the other 2 days then that is a real bonus. It compares quite favourably to having to be in the office five days per week, I think.
Moving and establishing everything again, especially for the DCs, is so hard!

I'd say he should arrange the WFH days to be on a Monday and a Friday. Commute in on a Tuesday morning, stay Tuesday night & Wednesday night and commute home again on a Thursday evening. If he books a regular hotel in advance he may get a discount especially for the midweek nights.

A two hour commute is not that bad. To be honest, relocation to London area would probably end up with an hour commute each way if you were in the commuter belt. I would stay put.

And agree with Kay, wfh Monday and Friday.

I live in Northampton, and have been working in London for... ever it feels like.

Season ticket without tube - £5300 ish. Add about £500 for zone 1 & 2 railcard. My journey to Euston takes 45 minutes ( most commuter trains are 55 - 60 mins but there are a few non stop ones in the morning ). That is actually no big deal. For example, my school run across town on a Thursday morning takes me 30 minutes each way so not unreasonable. What can kill it is the tube / bus journey at the other end. Best commute ever was right outside Euston Station. 2 minutes from platform to desk. Worst was Canary Wharf. Add another 45 minutes to the commute at least. I currently work in Islington and actually walk the 2km from Euston to there and back as I prefer it to the tube.

The train journeys are better than they've ever been in the 20+ years I've been doing it. The trains are better and more reliable. However, it DOES have a really weird long term impact on you. It shouldn't be tiring but it is. It stresses you out immensely when there are train problems ( rare, but massive impact ), and it dehumanises you being jammed into a train before and after each work day. That said, London itself dehumanises people who commute there. They should be more smiley and say hello to each other like us northerners !

It's eminently doable, but it does take understanding on the non-commuting partner's part. An hour on the train isn't a restful hour. As for working on most trains, I'd say forget it. Not enough room, and if work expect you to work then they should expect to upgrade you to 1st class ( not worth it on London Midland for me... an extra £2k a year !!! ). Ironically, commuting to Birmingham from Northampton ( same distance, same time nearly ) is half the cost of to London... Cash cow springs to mind !

Good luck whatever you decide.

RLD.

I think move.

Commute and staying in London 2 nights, seems sensible.

Dh's job has meant we've moved about quite a lot, usually just after we are fully settled with good support networks set up.

I also would not want to move again.

Euston takes 45 minutes - you've gotta love the 7.42!

Are you Bedford way? You've got Thameslink which gets you into more central London.

what relocation costs are his company offering?

• covering all the cost of moving house? (stamp duty, estate agents fees, packers & movers?)

if so, try and negotiate that to be held open for say 12 months. It is a HUGE amount of money on offer.

Is the 3 day in the London office a genuine offer? Do other people do that? You don't want to find that his boss isn't happy with only 3 days in London and that to do a good job / be up for promotion etc he has to be in the office 5 days.

is there any international travel? regional travel? or is it solely office based?

I would suggest he try the 3 day in London for a while, staying over 1-2 nights, negotiate to keep the relocation options open, and also look for other jobs in the meantime.

Total commuting time each way would be about 2 hours door-to-door (drive-train-tube-walk).

With that I would say it would only be realistic with 2 night stay in London

4hrs commute a day is a lot. I know of someone who did similar. It killed their marriage.

Glitteryfrog we've probably scowled at each other on that train at some point ! In a very friendly northern way of course !

Is there a redundancy package on offer? How long would that pay your bills for and enable him to look at a more local job?

If he does chose to stay and commute tue-thu make sure the 3 days a week in London is written into his contract, you wouldnt want to lose that.

I have a part time commuter renting a room from me at the moment for three nights a week. Works well for me as I get rent but still have spare room for guests at weekend but i don't envy him that lifestyle even if it does mean he has a bigger house etc. He get home late Thursday and leave crack of dawn on Monday so really is away the majority of the week. His partner must end up doing almost everything.

You said job prospects in your area for DH are not great. Would it be better to move now whole your daughter is still young and be in an area with a bigger choice of jobs than, worst case scenario, for DH to lose his job in a few years and then you end up having to move for him to get work when the kids are older and harder to move? Or just so that he has more career opportunities in other firms to pick from?

Like other PP have said: suggest e commutes into London on Monday morning and rents a room for Monday and Tuesday night.

Because he's in London already on Wednesday morning, he can get into the office early, leave early and maybe even get home for tea with DCs. He'll only miss out on two evenings a week with them and Skype / FaceTime will help with that.

I used to commute just over 2 hours hours each way two or three times a week (drive, train, tube, walk). It plays havoc with home life and leaves you feeling really tired after a while. I then did another job which entailed 1 hr 15 commute each way but driving. In the summer, not so bad, hideous in the winter.

I vowed I would never waste more than one hour a day getting to and from work again and I never have. My last job was a 25-minute drive and my current job 20-minute drive.

Life is too short to spend 10, 16, 20 hours per week stuck in a car or train when you could be spending that together as a family. I also agree with a PP and know of similar situations where considerable commuting has wrecked marriages because so little quality time (especially family time) was spent together.

I wouldn't do it. I'm on far less money than I was when I was doing those long commutes but I have the spare time to spend the money and be with friends, have a social life etc

he likes his job, the company (despite this move!) and his colleagues.

Do you know what any of his colleagues are doing? If they all decide to leave rather than commute or relocate, this will affect how much he likes the job still, plus if the job options locally are only fair and his colleagues are going for the same jobs, the chances of getting a similar job locally are reduced for all.

Also, the culture may well change anyway (for good or ill. ) IME, there's often a different vibe in London offices compared with offices elsewhere for the same company, often because of the travelling, and because people come from a much larger geographical pool, and are less likely to socialise together and so on. It's not always the case, but it's certainly a possibility that he should think about - things won't be just the same as before except in London instead.

Could be very doable with max two nights in London. The company obviously like him and you are all happy where you are. London commuterland doesn't offer the same, is vastly expensive and train journeys into town aren't great either, as PP have pointed out.

We have people in my office who stay Mon - Weds in London (company helps with this win some costs) and then they work from home (new castle/Scotland/Lake District) Thurs - Fri. Can he do something like this? Appreciate it's harder with kids involved.