To ask for your beauty horror stories (horror at bikini wax today)

[ohtheshameshameshame]

So I went for my first bikini wax in over two years today. Dc is 18 months and I was last waxed in early pregnancy. Wasn't quite as bad as I thought (was hairy mess but beautician was lovely and pain not too great). So far, so good.

Lovely beautician asked if I could 'just hold this out the way'. I start looking for stray bit of shirt, towel, paper napkin things, looking for something to hold out the way before the horror descended and I realised she meant my c-section flab. Yes that's right. My actual stomach.

Oh the shame. Imagine being asked to hold your actual stomach out of the way of the hair you've been growing on your vag for two years. Thankfully i have a sense of humour and

Name changed due to embarrassment and horror.

Spill ladies - worst beautician moments.

I tried a new waxing place once. The woman doing the wax was clearly very inexperienced and ended up slathering the wax all over both lips (brazilian). I had to tell her to stop and go get some scissors to cut it down the middle so it wouldn't be quite so painful.

I wish I'd complained at the time cause it cost me about £40!!

I have quick sessions of milia removal; usually takes 10 minutes and is £20. There was a locum woman once who was so slow and kept stopping to tell be her life/medical history. It’s easy to lose time when lying there, but an hour and a half passed and she charged me £180! She accompanied me to the cashpoint as I didn’t have anywhere near enough money and I was so gob smacked I actually paid.

Years ago, when I was doing postgrad study and skint, and my dh - then boyfriend - treated me to a haircut at Toni and Guy. As was the way then, they gave me what amounted to a mullet. I was devastated and cried for the rest of the day.

The next day, we went to my first football match. For some reason, my H was sitting behind me (can't remember why). The people next to me started nudging me and to the other side of the ground. I looked up and there was me and my mullet on the big screen in front of 59,000 people. As one my friends said 'maybe he saw you and though 'there's that Suzie Quattro!''

Went to get myself a brazilian wax, and the beautician ended up being the woman who rejected me at a bar just under a fortnight before that. Happened nearly half a decade ago but the mortification still lingers.

Toni and Guy gave me a mullet too! I'm sure I've had Deirdre Barlow hair too.

My sister went for a bikini wax, it was her first in many years. The technician couldn't believe it, for some reason. "Really? You haven't had a wax in EIGHT years?" Halfway through the wax the phone rang and the technician left the room to answer it. My sister could hear her clear as day on the phone.

"Sorry Joyce, I can't talk, I'm with a client. But you won't believe this, she hasn't had a wax in EIGHT YEARS! ..... I know! .... no, I asked her, she definitely said it'd been EIGHT YEARS! ....Hahaha! .....Hahaha!"

Also in the udder club!!

Incredibly self-conscious 14 year old me. Very long, layered hair.

Mid process of old-school spiral perm (late '80s; don't judge) ...quite dramatic as multi-coloured foam coils springing out of scalp from all directions.

Bloody fire alarm...salon evacuated...rush hour in city...me dying a million, humiliating deaths on pavement, whilst sniggering passersby gawped.

Icing on the cake?
My new boyfriend of 2wks, with gang of 5 mates, rocked up, just as I burst into tears out of sheer mortification, my 1980s artistically-applied electric blue mascara/ gold eyeshadow 'look' dissolving in rivulets.

I went for a lunchtime bikini wax - just a tidy up, not a Brazilian.

I was wearing a thong and somehow the beautician managed to get a lump of wax stuck to it. I didn't realise until I left the salon, and walked back to work with the wax sticking to some of the remaining hair in a very sensitive spot. With every step, the wax pulled on the hair. It was more painful than the waxing. I actually had tears in my eyes.

Never did go for another lunchtime wax again.

Much too big a wimp to let anyone else remove my body hair, but you haven't lived until you've been for the routine bowel cancer scan the NHS offers when you turn 55. They fill you with gas and encourage you to fart it out when they've finished.

Yes. I did. 💨 💨 💨

Health one here. Gynae investigations two years ago so back at hospital to try and take a bit of my cervix for biopsy. Legs up in stirrups etc and nurse tries to drop down the foldy bit of the table for consultant to get up close and personal. Foldy bit is stuck - and this seems to be a regular occurrence,- as nurse is pissed off and bangs the hinge with her hand a few times loudly. Consulting room is right off waiting room by the way.She then tells me to hang on and starts shaking the bed with a rythmic squeaking noise from side to side in an attempt to free the stuck bit. This noise gets louder and outer along with some grunts at which point I start to laugh, quickly joined by the nurse and then the consultant! Cue muffled gasps and snorts. She finally releases the bed with a loud " Got you!!" and we get down to business.
As I'm getting dressed, the nurse says "I going to fix this thing before the next patient" and goes out.....And comes back still wearing surgical gloves and clutching a can of WD40. I looked at her and said"Please tell me you didn't just walk through a waiting room of people waiting for gynae exams carrying that!!". Horror as it dawns on her, and we all collapse into giggles again. I was amazed there was anyone still in the waiting game room when I went out there but there was a room full of people, who, as one, swivelled to look at me in an appalled silence. I eyeballed them right back, gave a theatrical wince and staggered wide legged out of the room for effect.......Don't know how many of them stayed after that!!!!

Here's an experience from the "other side". I have a friend who's a beautician. She once had a man coming in for a bikini wax, he got an erection once she started. Although she hadn't actually experienced this before she reassured him that it was perfectly normal and not to worry about it. Then when she was almost finished, he did as well - all over the wall and ceiling!!
Although she was quite mortified she again reassured him, finished off the wax (as quickly as she could) then sent him on his way while she then had to clean it up!

Oh my..

Went to a new salon for a Hollywood before first night with new bloke.

She got the wax stuck. Stuck. She was pulling and tugging and yanking away at an area that was really not intended for that sort of treatment. It was agonising. In the end she cut it off and then said she couldn't do any more. I looked about 2 years old on one side and 32 on the other

Had to find another salon and explain myself.

Oh and it wasn't worth it; the guy turned out to be a total twat!

demented,

You owe me a tin of paint...laughed so violently at your WD40 anecdote that Jackson Pollocked my wall with espresso

I have a few ... this is a great thread btw!!

I've had the waxer ask me if I also wanted her to wax my "mous... I mean upper lip", and if while getting a bikini wax didn't I also just want my butt cheeks, bum hole 'ring of fire' and everything else waxed off too because apparently I was hairier than a gorilla. A month or so ago a beautician asked me if I wanted to hear about cosmetic injectables.

One time while on a family holiday to India all the women had massages at the hotel (the hotel masseuse, not a random who came in to do them), and apparently I was the only one who got the revolting middle aged man whose fingers massaged higher up my upper back thighs until finger tips touched (cough) where babies come from.

Stupidly went to get my upper lip waxed two days before my wedding. (That waxer 15 years ago was right!) But it was a new woman who said that I should get cheeks etc done so the make up looked better in photos. I had to ask her to stop waxing me - she went over and over the same patches of skin with too-hot wax and did basically everywhere a beard would grow. My skin didn't recover until well into the honeymoon. On the wedding day covered in a shitload of make up my cheeks, chin and down my frigging throat and neck looked like a before photo for acne cream it was so horribly bumpy and aggravated. Can see it in some of the photos, and in other photos I am shown holding cool drinks against my skin. Yuck.

These are brilliant!

I am a beauty therapist, and many years ago I was giving a client a bikini wax with the hot wax that you kind of flick off in pieces.

We were having a good old natter and I was happily flicking away when she said "Marcia, what's that on my face?!"

I looked up and there was a huge piece of wax, covered in thick curly pubes, right over her top lip. I had been so engrossed in our conversation I didn't even realise I had thrown her own pubes in her face.

Luckily, we both roared

what is most amazing about this thread is that people somehow cling to the idea that they undergo these humiliations in order to feel better about themselves.....

It really isn't true is it?

day before wedding to ex had eyebrows waxed, she spilt the wax and took off a 2cm strip in middle of brow!

gave me a pencil to fill it back in again

next time i am plucking for 2 hours with my tweezers!!!!

I'm another one who's glad that I can't stand being touched by strangers and manage my fairly minimum "beauty" regime by myself.

Am at a few posters laughing off uninvited breast and nipple massages. I'd be sickened if someone massaged my breasts uninvited or touched "where babies come from".

This thread has simultaneously made me feel better (there are other members of the udder club), and paranoid as hell (now examining my tache from various awkward angles to see how noticeable it is...).

I sound well sexy don't I.

Sorry luxury spa . It still makes me laugh thinking about it