To ask if you would warn a friend their partner is planning on cheating on them?

[user53738496]

To my knowledge the cheating has not taken place yet but I think possibly the dilemma is the same.

A couple I know, been married for approx 13 years, two children, the husband had cheated before. Wife has forgiven him but I don't believe fully trusts him.

Husband nearly cheated again two years ago but didn't go through with it. There is reason to believe he may go through with it within the next month as the person he nearly slept with is back on the scene temporarily.

Wife knows nothing about the last time it nearly happened so no reason to be cautious this time.

Would you warn the wife if you were her friend? Or stay well clear? Would you want to be told if you were the wife in the scenario?

Oh that's very nasty of her, isn't it?

Generally if you think that sex with a married person is wrong, then it's wrong under all circumstances.

I would tell your friend what you suspect, and about last time. Even if comes to nothing she is equipped to make informed decision about her life and not be held mercy to this maybe happening or not and others knowing about it. How would she feel if she found out so many people knew and did not give her all the information no matter how vague. That's what I would do for my friends and would want the same.

Yes it is nasty, I agree.

She's behaving very badly, just as the husband is.

People class different things as cheating though. If I found flirty messages/pictures to/from another woman from my OH, plans to meet up whether it went ahead or not, that would still be the end for me. So if you know they're doing these things but it just hasn't gone all the way yet, she'd still have a right to know I think...

I would have told the wife last time when he attempted to cheat and OW backed out.

I would definitely tell her now.

I wouldn't want a friend of mine to be treated like a fool, so I would tell her, as long as I was absolutely certain of the facts and could prove them.

I would want my friends to warn me if they find this kind of information about my family and DH. I would in fact consider it disloyalty if they didn't.

Can you not say something to the husband?

I'd be very cautious about sticking my nose into someone else's relationship though... These things have a nasty habit of backfiring on the messenger.

Just be there to be a supportive friend to the wife if the worst thing happens. Other people's sex life isn't really your concern.

You should tell her if she's your friend but you need to be prepared to explain why you never told her about what happened 2 years ago. If you had no place to get involved 2 years ago then you need to ask if you have the right to get involved now. If it was me, I'd want to know, but I'd also shut you out as you clearly didn't have my back when I needed it, only when your conscience kicked in.