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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that everyone is self-centered and vile, even more so the children?!

47 replies

Ringosnose12 · 29/03/2017 14:52

I had a birthday party at home for my DD recently, with a small group of girls from her class. I did the classic party games, and I've never encountered such a rude and ungrateful bunch in my life. In pass the parcel I wrapped a small gift in each layer. First child - happy. Second child - screws her nose up and throws present into the middle, folds arms. Third child - full scale tantrum because she wants what someone else got, and so on. 2 happy kids out of 10.

I went to a lot of trouble, the gifts weren't any old crap. But even if they were, as a child there is no way I'd have behaved like that receiving any gift! Even if I thought it was rubbish I'd have smiled politely and accepted it.

This went on for every game. Plus trying to get them organized was a nightmare. They were rude, shouting, didn't listen at all. Some of it due to party excitement which is fine but generally they were pretty obnoxious. They trashed my daughters room, I caught one child trying to steal something of my daughters, they wouldn't leave the dog alone when I kept telling them to stop. If a parent told me to stop doing something when I was young I'd have ruddy well stopped. And overall the party went really well and they enjoyed themselves!

I've found the same on play dates, it's get me this, get me that, no please or thank yous. Making me run around like a maidservant instead of the relaxing distraction of my child that I generally envisage.

And people! I keep hearing of all these kind people, who actually care about others. Who are understanding that someone may be broke, depressed, ill, etc. why have I never met such an individual? Everyone I meet is so self- absorbed and full of their own importance, no wonder the kids behave the way they do. And breathe.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 29/03/2017 16:17

YANBU to expect children at your kid's party to behave better. But not all kids are like this.

I'd say that it takes a lot of effort to do a party at home, and in my opinion it is bloody hard work! Parties at places where others are waiting on your kids are so much easier.

Your child's friends sound rather unpleasant. What happened to the child who tried to steal your dd's things? My ds has tried to take things from peope's houses, he was about 4/5 then, he is now 6 and a half. When I found out I told him off. Has not happened for a while now.

But YABU for thinking everyone is like this bunch of kids.

Kids are, to a large extent, as we help to shape them!

www.womansworld.com/posts/kids-doing-good-deeds-103177/photos/kids-being-kind-11-159991

ahamsternest · 29/03/2017 16:21

YABU to generalise the entire human race based on one isolated experience with a handful of 8 year old girls.

DaffodilsinMarch · 29/03/2017 16:22

Ditto to Birds

And you might just be unlucky with the kids too. All the kids at my son's birthday party (and daughter's) have been really polite. The worst behaviour we saw was when my DH asked a couple of boys not to pop the balloons and they said "Oh sorry, no of course we won't do it anymore" etc. and then DH went round the corner and they immediately did it again! But apart from that, which didn't last long, there were loads of pleases and thank yous and appreciation for everything. I work a lot in primary state schools and I see a lot of great (and polite) kids -- a lot of them showing empathy and passion for others.

I don't buy that everyone's become selfish, lacking in empathy and judgemental. I don't think you can judge what everyone's like by the AIBU strands either -- it's a strand that encourages a certain kind of tone where people don't have to hold back from putting things boldly/baldly. But if you look at some of the chat threads you'll see levels of empathy and kindness that could bring you to tears.

Anyway. I'm really sorry you had such a tough party -- think about the kids who were sweeties and drown the memories of the others with the wine! Wine Flowers

missyB1 · 29/03/2017 16:31

I did a party at home once - never again! Most of the kids turned feral the minute they got through my door.

BeachyKeen · 29/03/2017 16:33

I'm sorry that's happened , and you are left feeling that way.

It has been the polar opposite to what I have experienced. I think 90 % of the people I know/see/bump into are really decent people, and do right by others.
As a people , we Canadians are a pretty kind lot, but we have our share of assholes too!

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/03/2017 16:33

I have come across a few extremely loud, blunt, rude children. They have grown up to be polite, nice, pleasant to be around teens and adults. As long as the parents consistently model pleasant, nice behavior, the children get there in the end.

I have also known a few nasty bits of work, their parents also show the same characteristics.
For example my friend coaches basketball. At the end of each game the teams walk past each other high fiving each other and saying 'good game'. One team walked past hers saying 'loser....loser...loser'. Not surprising as she'd overheard their coach the previous week describing her team as the 'overweight losers'. Her team beat his in the city championships. He threw a loud and public tantrum. His daughter is notorious for a five mile radius for her spiteful, foul behavior. She is one of the reasons my DC switched schools and her friend (with similar parents) is the complete reason why we don't attend the local church.

Vegansnake · 29/03/2017 16:34

I had one child like that,came for tea once...never again...learn from it and don't invite them back

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 29/03/2017 16:38

My daughter used to be one of those brats...admittedly when she was younger than 7 or 8. Largely because my husband always wanted her to feel like a winner...which meant she had no idea how to lose with grace.

After a while he could see the monster he'd created and helped me teach her to lose without looking like the most spoilt child in the world.

Thankfully this prepared him for DD2!

Now my eldest daughter could shame most of us into thinking better of others and helping. Thanks to her prompting I intervened when a young high school lad lost his bus fare (turned away off the bus in front of us), I was reluctant to offer to replace it just in case he was trying to scam people. But as she pointed out, I could afford to lose the £1.50 if he was scamming me but knowing I did the right thing if he was really stuck for getting home was priceless. She's always doing small good deeds that make a big difference to the days of others.

It's easy to miss the helpers because they don't make a song and dance about it. Not everyone is selfish and entitled, but those who are tend to be very vocal and visible so they are easier to spot and avoid!

IloveBanff · 29/03/2017 16:39

Well, it's very sad OP but I have to agree with you. Everyone on earth is horrible except for me. I am perfect in every way - apart from being too modest.
My husband and daughter are almost up to my standard but no one else.
Sad innit?

wonkylegs · 29/03/2017 16:47

I think you've been unlucky with the birthday party.
I host a big easter party (mixed ages) and have done a class sizes birthday party every year for my eldest who is going to be 9 this summer. I can count on one hand the number of rude / badly behaved kids we've had.
In fact some of them are fantastically sweet especially at the easter one with bigger kids helping & sharing with the younger ones.
I will call out bad behaviour and have one kid that's not been invited back.

harderandharder2breathe · 29/03/2017 16:51

I know a few teenagers who can't handle losing a game (even a game with no prize). Full on tantrum followed by sulking, declaring they hate the game even though before they said they loved it.

I do try to sympathise rather than judge, that like toddlers, their emotions (anger, disappointment, frustration) can get too much for them.

A few children will argue if I say they're out in a game. But it's a small minority, most accept it graciously and cheer on their friends.

ThePinkOcelot · 29/03/2017 16:52

Everyone?!

WateryTart · 29/03/2017 16:57

They can smell fear, OP.

Fortunately I'm a teacher and have the look that stops a charging bull. Parties were no problem.

Majorgoodwinschickenbeatstrump · 29/03/2017 16:59

Apparently I was an absolute little shit at one of my own birthday parties when I was little. I like to think I'm not too bad Grin

minionsrule · 29/03/2017 17:00

Well I know which kids would not be getting a re-invite to my house. Party aside, when you say they come for play dates and demand things of you 'get me this, get me that' - seriously?
I don't enforce manners on play dates for other peoples kids but by that I mean I don't insist on a please and thank you all the time (mostly I get it anyway) but if someone said 'minions get me a drink' I can't be responsible for what my answer would be. Can I have a drink without the please meh but get me. a drink.... no no no no no

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 29/03/2017 17:01

It's never your children that are vile. Just everyone else's. Unless everyone else thinks yours are not quite as perfect as you do.

Ringosnose12 · 29/03/2017 17:09

Ha ha, I guess I didn't mean everyone, I should have thought that through. It just seems that I meet more people like this than I meet decent people. I'm going to the wrong places!

I am cynical at times but generally I'm an optimist, the side of me that always looks on the bright side just keeps getting ground away. I've met some wonderful people over the years, at work and as a mother, maybe it's just the bad experiences stick out more. But saying that, the wonderful people are few and far between where the narcissistic, grabby, potentially psychopathic ones seem to dominate not just in their nature but by numbers too! Ah, I'm going to remain optimistic as best I can.

OP posts:
blankmind · 29/03/2017 17:24

it's get me this, get me that, no please or thank yous. Making me run around like a maidservant

No no no no no no.

At the first 'get me' I'd have gone Schoolmarm and informed the brat loudly in front of all of them that asking rudely is ignored and asking nicely receives.

jollygoose · 29/03/2017 17:32

I had a party when about 8yrs and invited every girl in my class, I was so overwhelmed by it all I left the house and played with the girl down the road who wasn`t invited. My mother was of course terribly cross and vowed I would never have another party.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 29/03/2017 22:40

At least the children turned up. For one of my DD's birthday parties only one child she invited turned up. Fortunately she is a twin and her sister's guests did mostly all turn up, so she had a nice time with her friend and her sister's and didn't really notice.

I noticed though.

Crumbs1 · 29/03/2017 22:53

I can't say that's ever been my experience. The other young people my children have brought home over the years have generally been an absolute delight. Polite, kind, respectful and good company. We are in touch with manynstill and they are becoming lovely adults too.
I remember my daughter and a small group of friends going on a teddy bears picnic in a local park for one girls 16th birthday (She had SEN). They played party games and ate fairy cakes with evident enjoyment.

emmyrose2000 · 30/03/2017 00:31

The children in the OP sound absolutely vile. What a horrifying party experience. I've hosted or attended more kids' parties than I can recall, and can't say that's ever been my experience - thankfully!

Was one of the girls the ringleader, or were they just all awful of their own free will?

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