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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate being called a girl at work

42 replies

everybodysang · 29/03/2017 13:58

To give some context without outing myself: I'm a senior manager. I'm 37. I work in a very small team with an assistant who is in her early 20s and female. There are quite a lot of women in my department, probably about 60/40 woman/men ratio. We work directly with the sales department, which has a much heavier male to female ratio. This is all just for context, it's not really important.

My equivalent on the sales team, who I have to work quite closely with, often comes over and says "hello girls", before he starts speaking to us. I've pulled him up on that before. Yesterday he said "hello gorgeouseverybodysang" which made me cringe terribly but as he launched straightaway into the business he'd come over to talk about I didn't really get a chance to say anything. But I wish I had.

This morning he came back over and boomed "morning girls" and I said, "women, or ladies if you must," and he said "but you are girls". He was so taken aback that I then said no (even though I've asked him not to call us girls before). He asked what was wrong, and I said it wasn't workplace-appropriate language. He apologised, not terribly graciously, and then got on with what he wanted to talk about.

He's now sulking a bit and, if his previous pattern is anything to go by, he now won't talk to me for a few days.

It drives me crackers, though. He does have a tendency to talk down to me, explaining quite basic elements of our industry to me, as if I'm not in a senior position. He's older then me, but not by much - I think he thinks I'm much younger than I am; not that that matters, really. I despise being called a girl. I think it's patronising and demeaning, and everyone else in the office - even the large quotient of rather typically 'laddish' sales staff - manage not to do it.

I'm also hyper aware of being an older woman among a lot of younger women - they can all hold their own, but I do want to make it clear that it's not acceptable.

Is this really such a big ask? I used to do the same position in an extremely male-dominated industry (to the extent that I was one of the only women in the world doing what I did) and again, those I worked with managed not to call me a bloody girl.

My six year old daughter is a girl. I'm a full grown woman in a professional position.

Anyone got any good comebacks? I'll probably stick to the 'please use professional language' line but I'd like to daydream at least...

OP posts:
milliemolliemou · 29/03/2017 16:56

Do you have HR? why not ask them to show the film from Victoria as part of a general look at attitudes in the company - poss an hour one morning or just sent round as a video with a request for comments? perhaps research another video about sales techniques and how not to offend?

Gladys - I'd welcome any praise while exercising. Well done from a man or woman on a freezing cold run or swim would cheer my heart.

everybodysang · 29/03/2017 17:05

we don't have HR, no, it's a small-ish company, though has grown a lot over the last few years and probably could do with someone permanently doing HR.

If I did take it higher it would be dealt with well, I am sure, but I think I will wait and see if I've put a stop to it for now before doing anything else. It's just so tedious.

OP posts:
minionsrule · 29/03/2017 17:11

LOL my boss calls the women in our team his girls, well not his girls but something like 'I've asked the girls'
Its not condescending, he is Scottish and its like saying 'wee' for small. Then again I don't usually get offended over much anyway

everybodysang · 29/03/2017 17:13

I am Scottish. I think it's condescending.

OP posts:
bluebelltippytoes · 29/03/2017 17:14

The key word here is 'Sales'. They are a law unto themselves.

I used to work in a team of three and I won't tell you what the Sales & Marketing Director used to call us. He did get it back in spades though... Wink

MrsJayy · 29/03/2017 17:17

I gave my husband a face the other day he was talking about the office lassie he isn't usually sexist or derogatory i was shocked the admin assistand is in her 30s. Dhsaid everybody (meaning men) called her that . Yanbu girls indeed

VictoriaMcdade · 29/03/2017 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldlaundbooth · 29/03/2017 17:26

Call him kiddo. In front of everyone.

He'll soon stop.

Marmalade85 · 29/03/2017 17:30

I usually reply with 'Hi sugartits'

PastysPrincess · 29/03/2017 17:33

I got teferred to in an email at the >process< admin girl. It infuriates me. It's now a running joke in the office. In addition I recieved a long service award at the same time as a colleague. My presentation was prefaced with "I bet you weren't even born when >colleagues name< started here." Erm not really sure how that's relevant. 😡

Persianprincess69 · 29/03/2017 17:34

I always feel old when people call me lady. I love being one of the girls!!

BerylStreep · 29/03/2017 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunnytoday · 29/03/2017 17:56

What a great video. Agree with many of you, cannot believe this still happens in the workplace today.

everybodysang · 29/03/2017 17:58

I don't love 'ladies' but it does at least denote an adult.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 29/03/2017 18:11

YANBU.

You are a girl at school, once you leave you are a woman.

magicstar1 · 29/03/2017 18:14

You're so right. My CEO once said "Good girl" to me on the phone...I was 30! I went up to his floor and asked him what it was supposed to mean. He got a bit flustered, said it was meant in a paternal way Confused, but that he was sorry and wouldnt do it again. He never has ( he has still told me I'm wonderful at my job lol) and that's a good response in my opinion.

EpoxyResin · 29/03/2017 18:20

A colleague called me "girly" at work.

Once.

I have a reputation as being a bit of a prickly character around such remarks so perhaps I take it a bit far.... If he says, "hi girls", you could simply wonder aloud, "Do you think it's still girls after you have periods? Because I definitely have those...", but then again I do like to make people squirm. I might even elaborate or ask if anyone would like to hear all about my periods if I was feeling really brave.

Yeah, maybe don't do what I would do.

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