Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

DM and wedding invites

65 replies

Foxysoxy01 · 28/03/2017 15:51

My DM would like to invite a few of her close friends to my wedding.

Now in theory I don't have a problem with this as we have space for a few guests.

AIBU to think a couple is ok but anymore and it's a bit OTT or AIBVU and you would/have invited as many friends as your mother, so mother of the bride, wants?

So would you be happy to invite your DM friends to your wedding?

And if so how many is too many?

Or is inviting any of her friends weird and just not the done thing?

and for your answers.

OP posts:

carefreeeee · 28/03/2017 17:33

If you are happy then invite them - no one will think it's odd. How would your other guests know whether you know them or not anyway??

It's an odd thing to worry about, whether anyone thinks your wedding is odd! I'd worry more about whether your guests will be happy and enjoy themselves.

You don't mention your dad. If your mum is going to be there on her own and doesn't know many other guests, or if you don't have many other family there, it would be especially nice to make sure she has people to talk to.Sometimes family can be a bit left out of their own weddings if there are large crowds of friends who all know each other and just a few family members

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/03/2017 17:34

InvisibleKittenAttack I think you are right about the falling between two traditions. My sisters wedding was under the 'old tradition'. But - we knew all our parents' friends back then. We called them Auntie and Uncle. They'd been visiting our house since we were little. That's a big difference from "8 friends that I don't really know and another 2 I know a little.".

NootNoot · 28/03/2017 17:37

No no no no no no- unless you really get on with MIL & know the friends quite well.

My future MIL has a social life to rival Paris Hilton- there's no way in hell all her buddies could come & she'd sooner die than "choose".

JustHappy3 · 28/03/2017 17:39

I always thought it was odd when parents wanted their friends at a wedding.
I've changed my tune now. DS is only 8 but watching him and his friends grow up has been a priviledge. I've wiped their bums and with my friends i've gone thru all their weaning, teething, homework worries, health scares etc. I'm excessively fond of them. It would be lovely to be watch a unique event in their lives and to congratulate with their parents that they got to that stage.
I grumbled privately about it but i'm sure glad i indulged them now.

DanyellasDonkey · 28/03/2017 17:42

My mother insisted on inviting loads of her friends to my wedding as she claimed she was paying for it so she could invited who she wanted.

As a result I had a wedding album full of photos of people I didn't know

dannydyerismydad · 28/03/2017 17:42

We didn't have a top table, so we gave mum a table of her own and she could choose which guests she would like to share her table.

QuackDuckQuack · 28/03/2017 17:45

We decided that we'd only have people that DH or I would be able to name at our wedding. Both sets of our DPs had another party for all of the other people they would have liked to invite but we didn't actually know. If the parties had been combined I'd guess that there would have been about 200 people and DH and I would have known about half of them. So a bit different to 10 extra guests, but perhaps your parents would like to have another party with more of their friends.

muminmanchester · 28/03/2017 18:08

We let each set of parents have a table of guests. Seemed to stop any rows in their tracks.

Both parents contributed financially though. Might not have been so accommodating otherwise!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/03/2017 18:26

It seems a bit coincidental that you said you could squeeze in 10 friends maximum, and hey presto that's exactly the number she's suggested. Therefore I'd worry that the next thing will be "so-and-so heard X was going and really doesn't want to be left out, so could you just ...?", which would put you straight back where you are now

Everyone's different of course, but for me ten strangers would be just too much at a smallish wedding - and anyway, what if your MIL then also asks to bring an extra ten??

Hissy · 28/03/2017 18:31

I don t really have a problem with who she wants to invite but just don't want people to be whispering that it was weird that I didn't know these friends and if having 10 friends was too many

Who give a toss what others think? It's your weddding, your mum and her friends.

If you don't mind, if h doesn't mind, you have the space and money, why not? Just limit her to a max total of 8 or 10 and no more but leave it up to her

LostSight · 28/03/2017 18:41

I'm lucky. Nobody even tried to invite anyone extra to our wedding. I can't imagine wanting to do it to my children either. It's their day, not mine.

milliemolliemou · 28/03/2017 19:11

I'd only invite my friends to my DC's wedding if DC knew them and liked them. It would only be a few and I would respect DC's and OH problems if there was a limit on table space or finance.

Interestingangelfish · 28/03/2017 19:24

I don't think anyone would think it was weird - they probably won't notice.
My mom and dad both invited their best friend (plus spouse and, in one case, daughter and her husband) to my first wedding, which was largish - but then I knew both families well too.

RedMetamorphosis · 28/03/2017 19:28

We're getting married next year. DM basically said she would like to invite one family of 6 straight away.

DMIL took 2 months to come up with her list of 16 people. That's a quarter of our entire wedding. I've told her we have room for max 6 of those so to let us know asap her choice or I will just pick 6 randoms from the list.

I think it's fair to let both sides have about the same amount but definitely not outnumber your friends!

MumW · 28/03/2017 20:01

We had a couple of really close family friends to our main wedding reception and then invited our parent's other friends to the evening do.

Flip

1 2 3