DH didn't plan anything for first Mother's Day.

[Ladykluck]

DS is 8 months old and I've had a terrible time dealing with his reflux and PND. Had been looking forward to Mothers Day thinking DH would do something nice for my first Mothers Day. On the Saturday he presents me with a supermarket bunch of flowers that I drove him to go and buy. On MD he gives me a card from him. Nothing from the baby. Then he asks do I want to go out, excitedly say yes thinking he's booked the afternoon tea I'd been hinting at for ages. Nope, Costa and buys me an Americano saying he'll buy us a takeaway later. Fast forward home where I then am left to do the laundry and I end up ordering and paying for the take away as he's took himself off to play his computer after putting DS to bed. AIBU to have expected a little more.

[PotteringAlong]

and his idea of going out is Costa

Unless you live there, it's definitely going out.

[user9000]

I guess you know how much effort to put into Father's Day now....

[user9000]

If your DH helps you out in the day to day, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. For perspective, for my first Mother's day I was in tears because my 'D'H had his usual lie in (in the nine months since the baby was born he had not got up even once in the night or allowed me a lie in even one day and yes I am an idiot for allowing it). I had thought 'just this one day he will get up with the baby' but nope, didn't happen. He said he forgot it was Mother's day. Some men are selfish. I hope yours isn't.

[intheknickersoftime]

I think unless he's completely awful and disrespectful to you at other times, you should let this go. You have a tiny baby, you're both knackered and mothers day when they get bigger is full of lovely handmade masterpieces from playgroup and school which is wonderful. I do think as they get older that Dad's should facilitate mothers day but he probably just didn't think. I have had a shit mothers day though, I have three, two are teenagers and they did sod all for me. So there's that too look forward to

[Brokenbiscuit]

Nope don't get it....the DH is supposed to act on behalf of the child otherwise we'd all be waiting til our children were 22 and out of uni before a single gift was given for anything.*

Not in my experience - my DH is crap with both birthdays and Mother's Day, because he didn't grow up celebrating either and thinks it's all commercial nonsense. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's how he treats me on a day to day basis that matters to me.

My dd, on the other hand, makes the most elaborate plans for me and manages to execute them with very little help. She is 11 but has been doing her own thing for years.

Perhaps your DH didn't get the point of buying something "from" the baby, as it clearly wouldn't be from him at all. However, he did get something from himself to acknowledge you as the mother of his child. I don't think he could have known that you wanted more unless you had explicitly told him.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Well I do think yanbu, but, I received no card present or coffee, let alone takeaway, last year with ds1. I have second ds now and still fuck all. I'd have liked card and flowers.

[devuskums]

I have found over the years that the best thing to do is make it easy for your oh. Its no good just waiting and hoping!
If you want a trip out say ooh I would love to go to .... on mothers day/my birthday/our anniversary. If you want a certain present say oooh I would be so happy if I got ..... on my birthday/mothers day/xmas etc
If you don't ask you don't get, and if you don't set the bar at a realistic height for your situation you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

[AudreyBradshaw]

My Dh is usually very good. DS is four months old. He completely (and I mean completely ) did not make the connection between me being a mother and mothers day. When my DM gently reminded him that I was a Mum now, you could have heard the penny drop from next door.

We had sorted his mother and mine (and my grandma and Auntie) and ive talked about how i would about like a specific bracelet (Im about as subtle as a house brick through the window) and still, he forgot. 😂

Yesterday I was gutted, today I'm past it, we discussed it, he's mortified, and I'm ordering the bracelet on payday.

But I get it, you had an idea of how you would have liked to be acknowledged for everything you've been through the past 8 months and he didn't deliver. 🌹🍷🍰

[Jellymuffin]

People treat you as you allow yourself to be treated X don't be a martyr - tell him how it made you feel, don't just mope about! Why did you pay for the takeaway? Didn't you say 'you pay, it's Mother's Day!' Sort it out NOW or you'll end up on here moaning every year about his behaviour!

[OwlinaTree]

I think it's unfair to say you don't want a card so why would anyone else want one?

People say it's the thought that counts, and that is why people can get upset. No one is massively bothered about receiving half dead flowers but it is upsetting if on a day when we all thank our mothers you get no thanks or thought. The card is a signifier rather than an end in itself.

[worridmum]

from my eperence the people that expect a big deal to be made are the same ones that ignore fathers as its not a proper day so i normally dont have any sympthy

(aka my friend child 12 months old and she did nothing for fathers days at and said why should she he isnt her father but got totally pissed off when he didnt do anything for mothers day)

She got etra pissed off when she was called out on her hyrpocrail tho

[BitOutOfPractice]

All this "it shouldn't matter to you because it doesn't matter to me" stuff really gets on my nerves.

[IonaNE]

You aren't your dh's mother... why would he do anything for you?
This ^. On Mother's Day people do something for their mother. Once they are old enough (i.e. not 8 months).

[timeisnotaline]

This was my dh last year (my first Mother's Day) in retrospect I should have insisted he planned something for the week after but after several other incidents and a reasonably recent tantrum he actually did an amazing job yesterday. You need to be really really clear how you feel. My dh wanted kids too , but I am the one who vomited for months, struggled to get out of bed, took months to recover from a 3rd degree tear, didn't get more than two hours sleep in a row till bub was 6 months old( and not often then), and he was supposed to appreciate it! So he has to do a good job for Mother's Day and he will get a lot less sleep next baby as well... all I wanted was some appreciation

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

I completely agree with jellymuffin He was lazy. Is he usually lazy? Did you want spoiling on mothering sunday because he usually takes you for granted?

[ClarkWGriswold]

I think what you received for Mother's Day is about right. Your expectations may be a little high. I'm on my 5th one now and have always received pretty much cards and flowers. This year was a bit better as DH also treated me and two DDs to breakfast at Carluccios.

[HRMumness]

YANBU.

I got treated to a sleep in and breakfast in bed. I then got to have a shower in peace! We all went to a nearby local cafe for afternoon tea. It wasn't super fancy but it was lovely. I also got cards from both my DDs (chosen by DH) and some vouchers.

I'll do the same for DH when it is Father's Day. Although maybe not afternoon tea but probably the pub near us that has a bouncy castle

[Ladykluck]

He doesn't think most of the time. I do pretty much everything, can't remember the last time he didn't something to help me.
We go to costa at this shopping centre almost every weekend so I didn't consider it a special trip. I bought his mum, my mum and my grandmother a card from the baby and made little foot prints and put them in with little thank you's.
This is part of a a string of thoughtlessness.

[Mysterycat23]

Happy first mothers day OP!

Now you know for next year to tell DH specifically what you would like and how much it means to you.

It was also my first mothers day. I have just today ordered a gift for myself online because DH said he couldn't find anything suitable, even after I made a few suggestions. I cried to him a bit to make sure he knows how disappointed I feel and hope it sinks in for next year. FWIW I expected the gift to come from him not the baby!

Men do need literal specific instructions on these things it seems.

[DearMrDilkington]

Stop doing everything for him like a child and give him no other option other than to step up.

Did the laundry drastically need doing? Why didn't you tell him to ring for dinner when you were hungry instead of doing it yourself?

Toughen up and stop being a martyr!

[DearMrDilkington]

Men do need literal specific instructions on these things it seems.

No, no they don't. It just seems a lot of people on MN are with useless arseholes.

[Iprefersainsburies]

You are not being unreasonable.

This is my second Mother's Day, but she was born just before Mother's Day.

My OH got me a special card with photos of me and DD on there plus beautiful words thanking me for all the singing I do and how I take such good care of her etc.
I also got a lovely bunch of flowers and he paid for me to get my hair done.

On the day we went out for lunch and then to the local farm.

It was special and don't forget Mother's Day could be our OH/DH acknowledging what good mums we are to our DC.

[Iprefersainsburies]

In your case he should have used his brain and taken care of you for the day. It doesn't take much to think 'she can chill whilst I call and pay for a takeaway' rather then you doing it.

[Thattimeofyearagain]

Men do not need specific instructions on mothers day.
I despair of sons being brought up with this sexist crap.

[TheGirlWithAPrince]

Mothers day isnt even supposed to be something your partner is involved with? Your children do it... Hence mothers Day so once your child is older thats when he should be helping the children get presents etc, and tbh i think that sounds like a fine mothers day, Tbh like a normal mothers day, Card, Flowers and going out for a coffee.