DH didn't plan anything for first Mother's Day.

[Ladykluck]

DS is 8 months old and I've had a terrible time dealing with his reflux and PND. Had been looking forward to Mothers Day thinking DH would do something nice for my first Mothers Day. On the Saturday he presents me with a supermarket bunch of flowers that I drove him to go and buy. On MD he gives me a card from him. Nothing from the baby. Then he asks do I want to go out, excitedly say yes thinking he's booked the afternoon tea I'd been hinting at for ages. Nope, Costa and buys me an Americano saying he'll buy us a takeaway later. Fast forward home where I then am left to do the laundry and I end up ordering and paying for the take away as he's took himself off to play his computer after putting DS to bed. AIBU to have expected a little more.

[junebirthdaygirl]

My advice as a long term mother is if your dh is usually supportive stop making a big drama about mothers day. There are so many people doinv things for their moms because they have to. It becomes very tedious after a while so dont become one of those. I much prefer unexpected acts than highly predictable ones..Also l have on a few occasions forgotten fathers day until the last minute so mercy all round is needed

[StrawberryJelly00]

I think it depends who your OH is as a person because from your post OP battling with PND etc I would have expected more from my OH.

From all these posts though it is clear that everyone of us has a different perception of what Mother's Day is about and also what it means to us.

I am pregnant, baby to arrive in about 5-7 weeks my OH did buy a card from him and also one from the unborn. It made my heart melt I'm a soppy git and he knows it.
Because of my background (long story) he knows Mother's Day meant alot to me so those were his reasons....I'm sure in his head he agrees with the posters that believe it's all bollocks and commercial but he did that for me because it means alot to me.

Maybe explain this to him? I really hope Mother's Day next year is better for you x

[cheekybean]

Maybe ive missed the point but Mothers day for me was the badly drawn cards, the indistinguishable handmade pressie, the inedible breakfast and the incredibly beautiful smiles, and laugher as they deliver these wonderous gifts. I wouldnt let my dh buy me presents for mothers day, i waited until kids were old enough to do their own. Mothers day isnt about expensive meals, flash cards and massive flowers, its about feeling loved, needed and hopefully appreciated. Money cant do that but smiles and love can. I know that is vomit inducing but its true.

BTW my 8 month old got me nothing and I dont feel deprived!

[Bettyspants]

The Mother's Day offerings on their own don't sound so bad really, no real thought but more than what many get! It's your following comments regarding on going behaviour coupled with your history of PND that I find worrying. How did he deal with you being unwell? Has he found having a baby difficult or has he always been the same? Sounds like a real heart to heart is needed.

[Fieryfighter]

My 15 and 11 year old boys went to town off their own bat and chose a card and presents for me (single mum here so no dad to prompt them) - if they can do this you'd think a grown man wouldn't need specific instructions!

[greenlipstick]

Why not just ask instead of hinting?

[BitOutOfPractice]

And by the way I think I know the answer. Just curious

[BitOutOfPractice]

I'll ask you again. Why did you say that you drove him to get the card?

[Corialanusburt]

I think you're disappointed because this is representative of how he is generally. He sounds ok but not the best.

[PickAChew]

Going out on mother's day is overrated. you can't get parked anywhere, for a start, never mind get served.

[Nanny0gg]

I think the lack of thought on Mothers' Day is the least of your problems with this man...

[PlaymobilPirate]

**I don't think social media helps because everything is magnified when you're having a shite day of nothing and the world and his mate is posting selfies of afternoon teas and gifts... call me shallow, I probably am but I can't help it.

[PlaymobilPirate]

Yanbu op - part of the role of partner is doing stuff to make your partner feel appreciated and loved.

I don't think social media helps - I had a shit Sunday full of chores and crap as we're in the middle of a long, drawn out house renovation. I'm fed up and wanted to be treated to lunch out somewhere clean. I cried when dust from the ceiling fell onto my freshly washed dishes as I was just feeling so upset and fed up.

I'm still pissed off and a bit teary now if I'm completely honest. Dh doesn't get it at all. He never will really.

[Brokenbiscuit]

I did it as a thank you from me to them for helping me with the baby.

If it was a thank you from you to them, then why did you say it was from the baby?

Your dh bought you a card and some flowers, to say thank you from him to you. I really don't see why that counts as nothing in your mind. Even if he had given you something "from the baby", that still would have been a thank you from him to you really, wouldn't it? Because the baby can't actually give you anything at this stage.

[Unihorn]

I think YANBU. But it all depends on your expectations. It was also my first mother's day and I reminded my husband a few times in the weeks leading up to it so he would know I wanted to commemorate it. We don't do valentine's day, we do cards for anniversaries and we do very little for birthdays and Christmas. I felt I wanted to recognise mother's day, probably more because it was my first, and I assume the OP is the same.

I also agree Costa is not really "going out" but I go out for coffee two or three times a week to high street coffee chains. Afternoon tea in a hotel or restaurant is more what I would consider as going out. But again it's all subjective really. Some people don't go to town shopping or for coffee often so they may consider it more of a treat than others.

[Notthemessiah]

If he doesn't treat you brilliantly and has no appreciation, I'm not sure why you thought he'd be any better on mother's day. In fact, I'd even go as far to say that if he had made a big effort, but just for one day, that would make him more of a creep rather than less.

Sounds like you need to sit down and tell him about how you feel about your relationship in general (but don't make it about mother's day or he'll try and make it sound like your over-reacting).

[dontbesillyhenry]

Your expectations seem pretty high tbh.
I'd have liked a cuppa and the chance to put my feet up but instead got some lovely jewellery and had to run round after 15 month old all day while DH sat on his ass and I am also ill ffs

[Boosiehs]

Jeebus some of you are pretty bloody miserable. What is wrong wrong with wanting to acknowledge the fact that the OP has recently become a mother, and for her to have one day to feel extra special?

Yes, she should feel special every day but with a new baby that's not very likely.

[Ladykluck]

He doesn't treat me brilliantly. He's got no appreciation of what I do. That's why I expected a little more on my first Mother's Day. Thought he'd make up for it but no. I did say that I wanted to go to a local spot which has been used as a film location for a period drama I love that had an exhibition of the sets etc. But he moaned that you had to pay to get in.

[EastMidsMummy]

the DH is supposed to act on behalf of the child

Says who? This isn't a standard thing like giving sprouts on Christmas Eve or sharing bodily fluid jars on Valentine's Day.

[Bluntness100]

I just don't get how telling your partner what you want, and crying or being angry or punishing them in some way to ensure the message sinks in , in any way makes you feel good when you get the gift that's then given out of duty or fear.

If you're married to an arsehole who does nothing, then are people seriously saying he's great every other day of the year, but theyre torn up he fell down one day, or is he an arse hole all year round and they'd rather get gift out of duty than no gift on that one day.

If it's the latter and he always basically ignores your needs, then the issues are much much wider thank Mother's Day,

If it's the former and he's treating you brilliantly and appreciating you the rest of the year, but flowers, a card and a coffee are still not enough for you on mothers day, then you're being overly entitled.

[MissGoggins]

I did this because this is what my family has always done. I did it as a thank you from me to them for helping me with the baby. I feel it's important to acknowledge what others do for us. My dad always helped me and my brother buy things for Mother's Day until we could do it ourselves.

I, we, my...

Your dh isn't you.

And the pp who said even their abusive ex... maybe he was so good at the charmer persona this sort of fake bs came easy to him.

[unicorn5629]

Aww op I sympathise, it's not often about the gift or the card but just the feeling special for a day. My DD was 5 days old on my 1st and I stropped majorly because.. well, I don't even know WHAT I wanted... I got a card and flowers after I had to ask him what he had planned (said gifts were in the car!) he'd spent the week ferrying my family up and down to see the new baby, adjusted to being a father (our first) oh and had presented me with an expensive eternity ring when she was born... nope! I needed the recognition and look back and feel a little silly but I know how it feels

[80sMum]

I think I received my first mothers day gift (flowers) from DS when he was aged 31! He had recently married and I suspect that my lovely DIL suggested that he might like to acknowledge mothers day!

It doesn't bother me if DS and DD don't send anything. I can take it or leave it.

But if it's important and you have specific requirements, OP, you'll need to spell it out to your DH and explain what you would like him to do, as clearly it hasn't occurred to him to do anything for you for mothers day (probably because you're not his mum!)