About MIL's poor behaviour

[Freddofrog1983]

I found out I had a missed miscarriage last week at my 12 week scan. Baby had stopped growing 6 weeks ago. I'm devastated but MIL said she would come and see us all today so my husband managed to get out of work early to go and pick her up and when he got there she was being funny about how long she was staying for. She said she would need to be back for Wednesday at 7.00 as she was having her friend over.

My husband was not happy with this as it would mean taking her back tomorrow night after work due to working. The whole thing just seems like a complete waste of time so my husband said it was probably best she didn't come( as that was her intention anyway) she just said ok but you've come all the way down. She does have form for this as the last time she came down was my moms funeral last year and she had an issue with that as she said someone at the funeral was rude to her, she has also criticised our other children's christenings and birthday party. At our wedding she went home at 5.00 in the evening she got there late and moaned as she was at the back. She also let us down when I had a Caesarian with my last child and cancelled coming down the day before I was scheduled to have baby.

I feel so upset and let down but I shouldn't be surprised. I know she isn't 100% health wise but she offered. MIL also is more interested in her other grandchildren and ours don't get a look in. What makes it worse is I know if my mom was still around she would help me without question. What would you do about MIL? I feel like not bothering anymore as if she is like this when I have had a miscarriage it says it all to me.

I'm so sorry op. I've had two mmc both at 13 weeks. I waited for weeks to miscarry naturally but it just didn't happen so I had erpc. I had to have my 3rd eprc on my own as DH had to look after DD and it was fine and the nurses were lovely. My mil response to my first mmc was that she really didn't want another grand child so I have the bare minimum of contact with her now.

Thanks for all the comments and support. If my mom was alive she would be raging on my behalf, when my husband had that suspected heart attack my mom came over to sit with the children while I went to the hospital no questions asked. I miss her a lot.

My mmcs were the same kind of gestation/time period, yes you'll need to have a D&C I think - that's what I think it was Called before?

It's honestly ok, it's for the best, I haemorrhaged on mmc2 and very nearly didn't make it, so if this procedure is managed, trust me, it's better.

You feel a bit weak/buggered about with for a while etc, but we here for you lovey! You will be ok, I'm absolutely sure of this.

Thanks Hissy, I hope I make it to the second scan because although I don't think there will be any change I want the D&C as it's the heavy bleeding that scares me. I do have anxiety so I know that doesn't help with how I think but I have also had 3 previous sections and bleeding/haemorrhaging is what scares me the most.

Try to rest and stay calm, if things change, even if the worst does happen, you do have time to get any help you need.

Thinking of you. X

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You will still bleed with an erpc. I did for two weeks, the hours after are very heavy though still not as bad as after childbirth. You can get contractions too. Get some maternity pads.

That was my experience with my mmc, I chose an erpc because my body hadn't miscarried for a few weeks so I had no confidence in it and wanted some semblance of control back. I didn't want to wait around to start bleeding nor did I want to pass anything big or material.

Try to relax as hissy says, just because it can happen to some doesn't mean it will. And if it does just call for help. Miscarriage is a horribly shit thing

I actually didn't bled much at all after my erpc and then only for a couple of days. Not much pain either, although I did have painkillers and antibiotics.
Unfortunately the NHS hospital just gave me a leaflet and told me to " go home and let nature take its course" so as I said I went Private that same day
Sending you xx

That's terrible Hoppinggreen. I hope you complained. My trust were great, very compassionate but I know friends who've had bad experiences. At such a vulnerable time it's very shit.

Thank you watch
Partly due to that experience and others I am actually involved in our local NHS Trust as an elected official at quite a high level.
Let's just say that procedures have changed, such as the EPAU is no longer next to the area where the ladies come out happily waving their 20 week scan photos!!!
I can't take all the credit but I've pushed very very hard to change procedures around miscarriages. It's not perfect but hopefully it's better.
My care was brilliant because it was paid for, I have friends who went through similar within our Trust and had awful experiences ( for example waiting for their ERPC in the same room as ladies having elective abortions). Again, this no longer happens

So so sorry for you love it's a big blow and bloody scary and upsetting.

Please don't judge all us mils by her selfish arse behaviour I am always there for my kids and my dils and always will be.

Honestly people are divided into drains and radiators. Some suck the life out of everyone snd make it all about them and others radiate warmth and love and actually help not just pretend to or spout all the right words or the right status on FB!

You take care and don't bother with her. Turn to people you know won't let you down