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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Expecting my family to remember their Grandson's 1st Birthday?

21 replies

Lizzylou · 07/03/2007 10:30

It was DS2's 1st birthday on Sunday, my Dad, Grandfather and Grandmother all forgot! No card, phonecall...nothing.
My Dad called yesterday to ask the dates of DS1 and Ds2's birthdays (DS1 is 3 next week) and "couldn't believe" that he'd missed Sunday.
My parents are divorced and my Mom remembered, called, sent a card, present etc but I'm sick of feeling like a second class citizen with my Father. He remarried and I have two further brothers (teenagers) who he pays loads of attention to and so do my grandparents. I know I am in my thirties and live 120 miles away, but my boys are their only grandchildren and I am still his bloody daughter!
I had to get off the phone yesterday and said that I was gutted but that I "didn't want to say something I'd regret"....
Rant over, thanks for reading!

OP posts:

KathyMCMLXXII · 07/03/2007 10:32

No. Ratbags.

paulaplumpbottom · 07/03/2007 10:33

I'd be mad to

SweetyDarling · 07/03/2007 10:34

I think you probably made your point. is crappy that he forgot, but not sure my Dad would be any better without my Mum to remind him. Men generally are terrible at that kind of thing.
Sounds like this is just part of a bigger issue though?

littlelapin · 07/03/2007 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sherbert37 · 07/03/2007 10:34

That's such a shame. I had to have 'words' with my parents for never phoning their now nearly teenage grandchildren on their birthdays. They just put a cheque in a card which arrives weeks before and the birthdays are not mentioned. My mum didn't forget, she didn't think it was necessary - she phones once a week at the same time and never in between. It's a shame for the children who are their only grandchildren too.

Biglips · 07/03/2007 10:36

it happened to me for my DD's 1st bday - i was so upset... Most of them forgotton it was DD's bday as it flew by...but at the end of the day it still no excuse though.

VioletBaudelaire · 07/03/2007 10:37

How upsetting.
Will you remember their next birthdays?
I know it's childish, but I'd be tempted to 'forget'.
Happy birthday to your DS2.

DominiConnor · 07/03/2007 10:39

I'm really terrible with birthdays, requires a conscious effort to remember own kids exact dates.
As for 1st birthdays, sadly that's easy to forget because it ain't happened before.
Must be said that no one "forgot" our kids 1st birthdays because we had parties.

I think they screwed up, but I'd not engage in vendetta over it.

throckenholt · 07/03/2007 10:39

maybe he is like me and is not really aware of the date on any given day. Sounds like he knew the birthdays were coming up but had not registered quite how soon. Be generous, be happy he rang up to check the dates, and acccept he is unlikely to get it right, and realise maybe he is feeling a bit guilty and it might have been difficult for him to ring if he thought he might have upset you.

fennel · 07/03/2007 10:40

DP's parents forget our childrens' birthdays. I think uninterested grandparents is surprisingly common. They have 5 older grandchildren and had lost interest by the time we had our children. Also they prefer boys and we have girls. We did mind, at first, but we got used to it.

There are pluses to grandparents not being bothered too, when it comes to eldercare, it's DP's siblings who are going to have all that babysitting to pay back for...

Biglips · 07/03/2007 10:41

oh and

H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y 2 your DS2 XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tortington · 07/03/2007 10:42

i'm rubbish at birthday remembering.

my mother doesn't send cards for anything

and i wouldnt get to anxious over it persoanlly

Biglips · 07/03/2007 10:42

well DD had her 2nd birthday and not a single person forgotton her bday

fishie · 07/03/2007 10:44

i wouldn't expect anyone to remember, far safer to remind them and maybe even discuss presents to avoid 320 train sets.

Original poster

Lizzylou · 07/03/2007 10:44

He is rubbish at being organised etc, and so is my Stepmom, but how difficult would it have been to check beforehand?
Sweetdarling, you're dead right, they are bigger issues, myself and my brother are treated far differently to our brothers from Dad's 2nd marriage. Dad is obsessed with football and watches my younger brothers all the time, he never went to watch my older brother. I think I'll just chalk it up to experience and remind myself why I never rely on my Dad!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lizzylou · 07/03/2007 10:45

Thanks for all the birthday greetings btw

OP posts:

warthog · 07/03/2007 12:07

not very nice.

my brother, sister, bil, sil, bil, sil, bil and sil all forgot dd's 1st birthday. have seen a couple of them since and still no card / present which means they're definitely not bothering. hurts, but i won't forget their birthdays. hopefully shame them into remembering next year.

aquasea · 07/03/2007 12:19

I learnt from an early age to avoid this kind of pain/disappointment always remind everyone in plenty of time. Make sure you talk about it lots in the weeks preceeding the big day. Some people have a head for dates/times etc, others don't (I am unfortunately one of those who doesn't!). I can understand why you are upset but I think it's in your hands to make sure it doesn't happen again.

kinki · 07/03/2007 12:40

My family rarely remembers mine or my dh or ds's birthdays. The only exception is my twin. My dh just turned 40 and for the FIRST time in the 20 years we've been a couple, my dad and 2 brothers bought him a card. 20 years he waited for that. And its not for want of reminding. EVERY year I remind them all. My dad likes me to help him buy his other grandchildren christmas presents, yet he doesn't buy for my ds's, even with subtle and not so subtle suggestions. This hurts. One ds got christened recently, and from one brother, my dad and one of his godparents, he didn't even get so much as a card.

I'm not materialistic so on one level it doesn't bother me one little bit. But on another level, it really really hurts. People are probably like this because I am laid back and not materialistic, but its hard not to feel bitter when the same people and their kids are first in the queue to recieve gifts from me come their birthday or christmas. Rant over. Sorry.

KTeePee · 07/03/2007 14:38

for your ds (though obviously he will be oblivious...)

None of my dh's family phoned for ds2's birthday recently (though they did all send cards and money). Ds2 would have loved his little cousins to be at his party but they live in Ireland and he would have been really pleased if the SILs had phoned so he could have spoken to his cousins. By way of contrast, my sisters (who are childless) and my parents all phoned...

It is a bit galling that when dd was the only grandchild they were all over her like a rash, now that the PILs have grandchildren living near them, ours seem to be second-class citizens...

Oh and the PILs have never once given me a birthday card even though I often am visiting on my birthday (though I think they once got me some flowers when they were staying with us that weekend).

Beauregard · 07/03/2007 14:47

The same thing happened to us in January ,all of dp's family forgot dd2's 1st birthday.
You are not alone on this one.

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