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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's Day Afternoon Tea

26 replies

WarrenFox · 26/03/2017 19:17

Sorry for another Mother's Day one! This is about me as the daughter. I don't live near my Mum, but she has a partner who lives in the same place as me so is here pretty regularly. Not seen her today, which is pretty normal for us. I wanted to her to have something for today, so bought her a voucher for afternoon tea in the place I live, thinking me and her would do it together. She rang this morning, very pleased with the voucher, but had already told her partner that him and her would go together!

This isn't a massive deal, no back story really and we do have a good relationship. She does tend to prioritise partner since she met him, but I am usually 100% behind this as she's given up a lot for family in her life, not really for me but my sibling.

Just wondering if I was unreasonable to assume that a voucher for something for two people given on Mother's Day was obvious it was for the mother and daughter to do? I haven't said anything, and won't, as I don't want her to feel bad.

OP posts:
Familyof3or4 · 26/03/2017 19:19

Yabu. Unless explicitly told I would assume 2 vouchers or tickets given to me were fit me to choose who to take

Tantrictantrum · 26/03/2017 19:20

My mum would do what yours did. It's annoying but its because my dad is a controlling arse

Creatureofthenight · 26/03/2017 19:20

I think the fact that you gave her a voucher rather than inviting her as your treat may have made her think it wasn't a mother / daughter thing but a present for her.

justdontevenfuckingstart · 26/03/2017 19:21

I would assume it was for her and the person of her choice, otherwise it would be a gift for me? As in 'I am giving you a gift voucher but you are taking me with you'

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2017 19:21

I think you probably presented it wrong and should have gone for, "Mum this is for you and I to enjoy together".

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 26/03/2017 19:22

You should have said "I'll take you to afternoon tea" - gifts don't come with strings, so unless you made it clear it was a mum/daughter thing, then you cant really blame her for misunderstanding

NavyandWhite · 26/03/2017 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 26/03/2017 19:24

You gave the voucher as a gift so I think it was very much up to her who she took, you can't give someone a 2 person present on the condition they take you.

NavyandWhite · 26/03/2017 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saucery · 26/03/2017 19:25

I would have assumed it was a gift for me to go with who I lived with/was in a relationship with, rather than the Giver, tbh.

Olddear · 26/03/2017 19:26

I would have booked the afternoon tea for both of us. If I'd been given a voucher I would have assumed I could invite who I liked to come with me.

Boulshired · 26/03/2017 19:28

I can understand why she would assume that the gift was not for the both of you as you gave both vouchers to her. I probably would not of even sent vouchers but invited her to attend with you.

Original poster
WarrenFox · 26/03/2017 19:30

Thanks everyone! Happy to accept IABU! This is also what DH said I was just interested in other opinions! FWIW I wasn't intending to give her it as a gift with conditions, it was intended more in lieu of actually been able to take her out today, so that she had a sort of promise for us to go out. I just thought it would be obvious but totally take on board that should have presented it properly as something for us to do together.

I would never say anything and I'm not really upset, it's just I had it my head as something we'd do and now it won't be!

Sorry to hear your Dad is controlling to your Mum Tantric, I don't think Mum's partner is thank God just that her first thoughts are doing stuff with him, which is fine and she totally deserves to be happy.

OP posts:
Saucery · 26/03/2017 19:31

Ask her if it was nice and take her yourself in the summer. It would be really busy today, anyway.

Original poster
WarrenFox · 26/03/2017 19:34

I will definitely arrange to do it, or something similar with her Saucery. It wasn't actually for today though, just for her to do in the next few months when she gets chance.

OP posts:
londonrach · 26/03/2017 19:38

I gave one once and dm took df. Its her choice. It didnt cross my mind i needed to go with her. Where would df go? Yabu

KitKat1985 · 26/03/2017 19:40

YABU sorry. I think most people would assume an afternoon tea for two voucher was for them and their significant other, unless specifically stated.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 26/03/2017 19:41

I don't think a voucher in lieu works. A gift and a promise of afternoon tea, yes. But if it includes your own tea it isn't a gift. So the voucher is a gift.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 26/03/2017 19:42

That doesn't quite make sense. The voucher is a gift for your mum to redeem with whoever.

Vegansnake · 26/03/2017 19:46

If my daughter did that for me ,I would assume it was for me and her...if I had given it to my mum ,she would of assumed it was for her and her husband...early relationship,yr mum and her boyfriend?? She's probably just a bit wrapped up in it, x

MargotLovedTom1 · 26/03/2017 19:46

"If it includes your own tea it isn't a gift."

But the OP probably didn't expect to be gifting the mother's boyfriend a Mother's Day tea either.

I can see how it's happened, however as others have said it would have been more straightforward to check when she was free and to book the afternoon tea for the two of you.

Original poster
WarrenFox · 26/03/2017 19:51

Thanks for all the replies! Seems that it's me with the strange way of thinking and my Mum who is totally normal and dealt with the gift the expected way! Grin

In my circle of friends we do this quite regularly, get Groupons and stuff for the person with the intention been that the giver does it with them so I honestly thought it was normal / expected! I never saw it as been not a gift, obviously the part that is for the giver isn't included as the gift as such iyswim, but it's just like a way of treating someone but in a way that can be arranged at a later date.

I'm not arguing against all the YABUs though! Actually feel better that what my Mum did is the norm and I had unreasonable expectations!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/03/2017 19:54

I would see it as a mother and daughter thing, although I might have made that clearer on giving it. Sorry you're disappointed.

Original poster
WarrenFox · 26/03/2017 20:04

Aw thanks Testing, just a bit disappointed but I'll try to make sure I still do something lovely with her. Vegan as well, so I'm not literally the only person in the world who saw it as a mother daughter thing, lol! It's a pretty new relationship, but she us very much in that wrapped up state still, fair play as my Dad didn't make her happy and she put her life on hold because of my sibling's issues. She very much deserves her happiness and good relationship so I am happy they'll get a nice date on me! Smile

OP posts:
Kingsbridge · 20/03/2025 22:34

Can I ask peoples opinion. I bought daughter in law an expensive afternoon treat for her mother I thought she would take her husband but took her mother as a special treat what do people think. I was quite upset