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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to continue the way I am? (re: unprotected sex)

39 replies

Namesame · 26/03/2017 17:21

Hello, I'm a bit of a mess, I've had a very cry-ey weekend and am due af in two days.
So, DP and I are financially comfortable, happy etc and all is going well. I've been off the pill for just over two years (although we haven't told anyone, and good job really because nothing's happening), and had my first investigations around 14 months ago, during my first investigations BIL announces at dps 35th birthday he's accidentally knocked up his girlfriend (who he's only been seeing for three months! 😩), then six months later SIL is pregnant with a random barmans baby, after not having sex for a year, and now today at Mother's Day lunch baby SIL has announced she's expecting twins, (she's at vi form college and wasnt trying).
Don't get me wrong I'm so pleased for them all, but, upon this news all two dozen family members shifted their gaze from baby sil to us, and we were bombarded by a range of "why aren't you doing it" "you'd better hurry up" "dp's name, I really thought because you were the eldest you'd have brought me a gc first" and then we got,
"Don't you two even think about having a baby, their won't be room at Christmas dinner with twins"
"If you two have one I'm not sure we'll care that much, we will be all babied out" and "next time we see name she'll be pregnant, and it'll be like a game of copycats"

It was these last ones that got to me, I'm really emotional

OP posts:

BipBippadotta · 26/03/2017 18:51

to you, OP. Another one here who's been through long-term infertility followed by stillbirth & multiple miscarriages - and I know how hard it is when everyone else you know is knocked up and asking pointed questions or making shitty comments that let you know just how marginal to the family / friendship group you'll be from now on as a childless couple. That 'joke' abut being too babied up to care if/when you have a baby is just awful. Would you consider telling them you've been trying, and ask for a bit more sensitivity? Sometimes the only way to stop the horrible jibes is to let people know what's going on. Good luck with your infertility investigations.

Miniwookie · 26/03/2017 19:03

That sounds so tough. Would you tell your family that you have been trying for two years and that these comments are hurtful. You shouldn't have to, but it should put a stop to them at least and might make them think twice about saying similar to someone else. Definitely no need to stop ttc. How YOUR baby will be received by extended family is not that important.

MuffinMaiden · 26/03/2017 19:42

Honestly if I was in your situation I'd let them know exactly how insensitive they were just to make them realise how hurtful they were being, or at least make a passive aggressive comment on their lack of safe sex knowledge. However, you are not me and you don't have to say a thing to them.

Don't put off TTC just because they can't lead responsible sex lives!

Wingsofdesire · 26/03/2017 20:43

"If you two have one I'm not sure we'll care that much, we will be all babied out" and "next time we see name she'll be pregnant, and it'll be like a game of copycats"

Oh love that's really mean! How could they have said that to you? : (

That would have had me stumbling away from the dining table in tears ... I'm not surprised you felt upset!

Try to just take no notice of them - as you say, they don't mean to be unkind probably - just more thoughtless and gung-ho than actually vindictive. So just focus on you and DP and the baby you're going to have.

What was the result of the investigations?

DonaldStott · 26/03/2017 20:49

"If you two have one I'm not sure we'll care that much, we will be all babied out"

Someone actually said this???!!!

Liara · 26/03/2017 20:50

We were married for 15 years before having ds1.

After a while when people started making comments dh would cut them off by saying 'We'd love to but I'm sterile'.

The comments stopped soon after .

Nquartz · 26/03/2017 21:00

Liara
I wish I could say that with a straight face next time someone asks me if we're having anymore!

UnicornButtplug · 26/03/2017 21:18

What a rude bunch. Good luck with your investigations OP

frogsgoladidahdidah · 26/03/2017 21:24

Firstly, huge hugs. Have been there. It sucks. People say the most stupid things, (often without malicious intentions, but it still stings).

If your experience ends up like mine, when the kids do eventually come along, those who want to be part of their lives will be there (as is the case with every baby, regardless of how many have come before it). And everyone who matters will still make a fuss of you.

Stick that smile on, put on your armour and when you need us, the MN army will have your back. I found the ttc boards a terrific source of support.
In the meantime, here's some gin!

Original poster

Namesame · 26/03/2017 21:43

donald yes they did, and wings I really was giving all I could not to cry, I ended up slipping off to the loos. Investigations a bit of nothing really, decided to give it until Christmas and then really push for answers!

My mum, and quite a few of my friends know about my issues with fertility, I was very open just not with mil et al, due to the possibility of interrelation, but to be fair it can't work out much worse than this, it's basically the Spanish Inquisition at any family occasion, on the upside I've just got back from a lovely meal with my mum(who was very supportive!), and on the way back dp and I have just sat out on the moors wrapped in blankets drinking shitty service station coffee talking through everything!
Sorry to have been so silly.
Thank you wonderful wonderful people.

OP posts:

goose1964 · 26/03/2017 21:45

Ignore them. Unfortunately some people seem to get pregnant at the drop of the hat, others struggle. My old next door neighbour and her husband had been trying for over 20 years, and just after her 50th birthday she went to the doctor's because the menopause was horrendous, she was 6 months pregnant. I also know a few people who bought puppies because they thought they would never get pregnant and were expecting within a year

Original poster

Namesame · 26/03/2017 21:59

Goose I've been pestering DP for a puppy for five years, and we always said 2/3 years after baby! But could this be the answer!?! Carpé diem and all that.
Definitely time for a furry friend

OP posts:

haveacupoftea · 26/03/2017 22:46

It makes life a lot easier when you tell people you're trying and havent succeeded yet. You cant really expect people to be sensitive to something they have no idea about.

Madwoman5 · 26/03/2017 23:59

It is simply none of their damn business! Carry on doing what you are doing and try and ignore the thoughtless bollocks that spouts from their mouths.

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