To ask for no birthday presents for DS?

[LongLiveTheChief]

My son is turning 5 next month and so is in reception at school. He's asked for a birthday party and would like to invite his whole class, 30 children.

We're happy with this so have booked a hall and a bouncy castle and will do food etc.

I'd really really like as many children as possible to attend but so many children are from single parent/low income families. I really want to remove the expense of a birthday party for them and ask that they don't bring a present, is this rude?

I also love the idea that their company on my DS's birthday is enough for him, that he doesn't need a £10 gift to be happy, does that make sense?

If all 30 children did attend, I'd also have to find room for 30 presents which is just silly, for there's only so much our Ikea storage furniture will hold!!! Xxx

I would never take my child to a party without some form of a gift. It's an important to teach about giving to others. I now feel very happy as they are particular getting gifts their friends will enjoy! (Not necessarily something I would choose to give or want to receive).

You may receive some unwanted gifts, which you will be able to recycle as the year goes on!

I think asking for money from family and very close friends is fine, but in an invitation to a class party where you probably don't know a lot of the parents well is a big no no.

Please don't ask for money.

There is no polite way of doing this and makes you look grabby.

Most 5 year old love getting gifts, however small, a bag of sweets or a ball is not going to break anyon's bank.

In fact I think it's a little arrogant of you to be trying control and make presumptions for others.

When my kids were young we were very hard for cash, but I knew that a 5 year old having a party would love a bag of Haribos and a set of super bouncy balls- total cost £2.
It was all I could afford, but I held my head high.

I do find some of the replies on this thread depressing. A five year old - who will probably get flooded by gifts from family can have a lovely birthday party without getting a ridiculous number of additional gifts - kids aren't nearly as materialistic as adults. Lots of five year olds don't even have a big birthday party so I'm sure he'll be very happy with his lovely party without feeling hard done by because he doesn't have a mountain of plastic tat.

My DC can go wild with the party food during the actual but the last thing I'd want is for them to get 30 gifts of haribo bags after that as well! They both got bored of opening all of their gifts after their birthdays - lots of duplicates and things they didn't particularly want (but were sometimes quite expensive).

Children can learn to be kind without spending money on people. I very much doubt OP is going to reject gifts that do get given but rather is giving people the option not to bother which is a kind gesture. Some of the responses to that are just nasty.

It's an important to teach about giving to others. you're not teaching them that at all since it's presumably your money that they're giving with. If you want to bring a gift and the host has said you don't need to why not get the kids to do something handmaid - a much nicer lesson for the kids since they'll have actually put effort in rather than just going to a toy shop and pointing something out.

YANBU. Lots of people do this, and the children can learn that not everyone can afford to buy a gift 30 times a year. When its explained to them, most kids are generous enough to understand.
(You might need to tell him not to comment on it!)
Plus you will pave the way for other parents to do the same thing.

It's a really tricky one because while I agree the sheer excess (and often waste as it's not appreciated) is nauseating and having to find a home for 30 new toys is a pain, I simply couldn't turn up to a party without a gift. It's rude.

I also find the single parent/low income comment a bit patronising if I'm honest. Just because you don't have much money doesn't mean you don't have your pride.

I usually try to suggest something small like a pack of stickers, a colouring book because these are things dd likes. For ds he would have hated those so we would say "Lego" but add "but something really, really small please - we don't have much space!" and then people can spend a couple of quid on one of those kits in a foil bag or £6/7 quid on a more elaborate but still small kit.

I don't think you can say no to all presents because people just ignore it or feel embarrassed or obligated to return a party invitation and have a whole class party... and parties are expensive!

I tend to ignore 'no present' messages on DC's friends invitations. Apart from one party where I know it was the child's idea, it comes from the parent not the child. It's not the parents birthday.
I would get the kids to pick either something useful like felt pens, character socks etc, something edible or give a voucher or money though.
A few people I know have been to £1 parties where everyone takes a quid in a card to put towards a bigger toy for the child which seems good but I think I'd feel cheeky asking.

Popcakes- totally agree.
Also those saying it's fine because you can recycle the presents later in the year...wtf! What's the point- it's a total waste of the givers money and isn't teaching the child anything!
I'd never give a kid a big bag of sweets either.

Erm single parent/low income

These things do not nesseccarily go hand in hand - I was a single parent and could manage to provide gifts for all the parties my kids attended

Crowdblundering

Is that the part of the OP's very non-goary question that you jumped on?

I think you've missed the point.

goard = goady

I just would hate to think other parents looked upon me the "single parent" in pity and worried I might not be able to afford a gift - makes me feel mortified actually.

Its part of the large kids party thing, you end up with 25 presents. Just intercept them before your kid opens or plays with them and you can regift them on or put them in a charity shop. Or donate then somewhere at Christmastime.

Parents of the invitees can decide for themselves what they want to do. Fiver in an envelope, bag of sweets, packet of pencils, or expensive toy. Its their choice. Not yours.

I have my own personal rule of never spending more than £5, you can get plenty good gifts for £5

I think it's really mean to deny birthday presents to a 5 year old.