To ask if you live far away from your parents...

[Fitzsimmons]

If you live far away from your parents, how do you split the visits. I.e. How often do you visit them compared to how often they visit you.

I have two preschool aged children. My parents are divorced and remarried, so I have two sets. One set live abroad so we see them as and when we can (about once a year). My other set live about 200 miles away and we see them about 9-10 times a year. I think about 1/3 of the time they come to us, the rest of the time we go to them.

DH's parents live 400 miles away. We tend to visit them about three or four times a year. They have only visited us three times in the six years we have lived here.

AIBU in thinking that in the case of my parents who live in the UK, and even more so with DH's parents, this is unfair? There are no health issues with any of them, all drive and own good cars. In many ways it's probably easier for them to visit us as both my DM and MIL are part time and they don't have young children to ferry about. Both sets travel for other reasons regularly, and both sets have a tendency to pile on the guilt when they haven't seen us for a while. Furthermore, we live in a top tourist destination so there is lots to see and do!

Or is the norm that adult children do most of the travelling?

(I'm cheesed off because we are getting pressured to visit the in-laws again when they haven't been here for over a year, and have just found out that they are taking a trip elsewhere in the UK for a holiday).

golfbuggy we all have spare rooms so there isn't an issue there.

Seems to be quite mixture of answers. I think it's the combination of them being unwilling to make much effort with their attempts to make us feel guilty about not visiting them enough that bothers me the most.

My dad and siblings live 85 miles away, my mother lives slightly further- about 110 miles.
My dad has never visited me in the 8 years I've been here. And maybe a handful of times in the 8 years I lived 50 miles closer. He hates to drive outside of his city, is terrified of motorways, being a passenger and has anxiety over the 1 change a train would be. Also the £40 fare is abhorrent to him. So my husband, DD6 and I all make the trip 4 times a year, more if I can. Nowhere to stay so need to pay out for hotels (roughly £130 per night for his area) each time. Currently 7 months pregnant with high risk baby but still expected to do all the trips He's not a bad dad, just has a lot of 'issues'.

DB1 doesn't visit, but he's a prat so that's great.
DB2 lives in Cornwall and brings his family here once a year
DTB3&4 Have visited maybe 4/5 times for christenings and birthdays. Neither drive.
DSis has visited twice and only if I go to pick her up and drop her back.

On the other hand, My mother will drop everything at a minutes notice to come which is an hour bus, 2 trains and another bus to get to me if I need her.

My dad and step mum live in a nearby European country. I haven't been there for several years now due to cost and difficulty taking annual leave around flights (they're both retired), so I see them when they're back in the UK, they usually come to me. Usually about once or twice a year.

My mum and stepdad live in my hometown which is a couple of hundred miles from where I live now. My mum has been to stay with me but I usually go there as it's easier for me to stay there than them to stay here. I go once or twice a year.

As a child we lived far away from both sets of grandparents, they did occasionally come to us but most of the time we travelled to see them. (Two or three times a year).

IL's live 150 miles they have not visited us for 14 years. We go once a year. It is implied we are bad people for not visiting them as they are old.
25 years in one house and they visited us 6 times.
I can live with the criticism because mostly I can't hear it, they are too far away