To be a bit pissed off with this.

[Buddah101]

This will come across as if im a spoilt brat - I dont mean it to but this has genuinely pissed me off.

My dad called around a couple of weeks ago, as he was leaving he said to me, Oh were thinking of going to haven (I assumed "we" meant he and his partner as they have been going on quite a lot of breaks recently now hes fully retired.) so I said oh right, that'll be nice, he asked if I fancied it with dp and ds and I said I'll have to see how things go to be honest.

Fast forward to today - chatting on the phone and before he hangs up he says oh I knew I had something to tell you, I've booked pontins for us, I say again Oh right, thought you were going to haven, he says they couldn't fit us in so Ive managed to get 2 chalet's next to each other for us, the penny was starting to drop and I asked who else ws gin in the other chalet - "You, dp and ds of course". At no point had I ever said we would go.

Our back story - both my fil and my stepdad are both terminal with cancer and have progressively got worse, then pick up, then get worse again, we feel we are stuck in limbo and cant plan anything. Its also dp's 40th birthday in the summer, my dad knew we were planning on visiting sil in france for this, dp is currently retraining at uni so money is very, very limited. I wont have enough to do both. also the dates hes booked I have things going on with work, dp has his final project and ds is still at school.

I know I should be grateful, hes gone out of his way and its really thoughtful, but why would you not ask someone if they are free - also he is a nightmare to go anywhere with, have to be up and out by 8am, long walks, nights in the pub - Pontins was fine when I was 10 but its not somewhere I'd choose to actively go. the final straw wa when I pointed out about my stepdad and fil and he said oh yeah i forgot. How do you just forget when you see me every week and ask dp constantly how his dad is. Ive told him i'm really grateful for him doing it but really wish he would have asked, but i'm actually seething about it that hes just gone ahead without asking and probably wasted his money.

Is he expecting you to pay, or is he treating you?
Also check the cancellation policy, to see if you can back out if you're needed for FIL or stepdad.

That is nice dad but we can't afford it. Hope you can find someone else to go.

Is he paying? How long is it for?

Thanks for organising it but we can't afford it, also timing not great for us, if you had asked I would've told you that before you booked it

Thanks for organising it but we can't afford it, also timing not great for us, if you had asked I would've told you that before you booked it

He should have spoken to you before booking it.
I can see why he would like to have a holiday with you all though. Maybe try to think of a counter-offer that makes that possible.

He has paid in full already, He's not expecting us to pay, we just have to find spending money.

I cant believe he'd do this without checking dates or anything though, just typical him, gets an idea in his head and just rushes in without checking. dp spends most weekends with his dad, helping his mum out. and I'm the same with my stepdad, we swap over with ds so there is always one of us with him. we both agreed this year would be in limbo and nothing set in stone, part of me thinks hes gone ahead and done this as he knew we had other things going on and would have said no.

You don't have to go. He didn't ask, it's not convenient and you can't afford it. That's without the issues of your stepdad and FIL. If he booked it knowing you'd say no otherwise, he's just being manipulative. Say no.

So are you going?

Well he could be being manipulative, or it could be that he sees how hard you're working, knows you're not minted, and is trying to do a nice thing for you. Even if it's Pontins and the timing stinks.

You know your dad best. Could you go another time, with better notice for care support to be put in place? Could he take DS?

You're a long time dead though, and I can see why he wants to do this. Will it be one of those things where you look back and wish you had gone along with it, rather than cause upset by not going?

(My views are biased, as DF died of cancer, so I'd love a weekend away with him - appreciate that's making me one sided!).

I think YABU. He's paying, he's being nice, it could take your mind off other things, you can go and do your own thing instead of his thing and keep your phone for emergencies.

YANBU. A nice thing is only a nice thing if you want and accept it. You are under no obligation to be grateful for something that's been unexpectedly and very inconveniently thrust on you. Some people do genuinely give (and give carelessly) out of a selfless desire to make others happy. But some do so as a subtle method of control. You know your father best so will be better able to judge. Whatever the case, you are also under no obligation to feel guilty or bad, which may be where the annoyance is coming from, though that's easier said than done.

He sounds disorganised and forgetful. I imagine his hearts in the right place. I would go if you can. It's a nice gesture and you will appreciate the break from the stress and perhaps you can find people to help out for a few days. Obviously if something happens and you can't go, I imagine he will have to understand. My dad died when I was 16. The fact that both your stepdad and fil are terminally ill is testament that your relationship with your dad may also be on borrowed time as he won't be getting any younger either. My stepdad died last week so I do know how important it is to be around.