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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU regarding section

22 replies

user1490210924 · 25/03/2017 10:19

I'm having a c section at some point on Wednesday. I haven't told anyone aside from DH. I've asked my husband not to tell people as in family/friends on both sides. My DH is closer to his family than I would be to mine and thinks that my decision will upset them. I have just told him tell them it was the way I wanted it. I really don't think I'm being unreasonable looking to have my surgery, have time with my new baby and recover whilst establishing breastfeeding. I've suggested we have no visitors until Thursday as it could be morning I have the section or evening. As we have a son already who needs to be cared for DH also feels as its his family who are going to care for him they should have the right to know but I said to him that he can tell them I'm in hospital and I'm been monitored but please don't mention I'm having a section until baby is born. My reasons for people not knowing is I feel people will always tell you negative things. As this is my first section I don't know what to expect and I really don't want to hear anything that will worry me. AIBU

OP posts:

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 25/03/2017 10:22

YANBU. I had an EMCS and really wasn't up to visitors until the next day. I assume a planned section will be a bit different, but nonetheless you are having major abdominal surgery and if it wasn't for the baby no one would expect you to have visitors the same day!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/03/2017 10:29

Have they spoken to you about what to expect from your section? Sorry it sounds from your post as if most of your fears and concerns revolve around the section itself - is that right?
I had a emc and an elective (to prevent another emergency scenario!) and honestly it was fine. I can't compare to anything else obviously! But I was looked after and treated with respect. The planned section was very calm and friendly. All the nurses and technicians were chatting and reassuring in the pre op. And not long after I had dc in my arms. Recovery after planned section was much easier than I thought. But give yourself a rest.
If you want to ask anything about sections feel free. Obviously they're different for everyone but hope I can help.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/03/2017 10:32

Yanbu. Until there is a baby, this is all just your private medical information.

I hope to have a planned section and don't plan to tell anyone but my parents (who will be providing childcare) when it is. No one else needs to know.

Mari50 · 25/03/2017 10:33

It's your prerogative to do what you want but why not just say you are having a section and that as it's major surgery you don't want visitors until the next day (or even the next)
I had an emergency section (at 2.32am), my mil turned up at the ward at 6am- I guess she was keen. To be honest I was too fucked to care at that point.

corythatwas · 25/03/2017 10:34

Same experience as John.

Not that my section was in any way horrible: it was a very positive experience- indeed I remember it as one of the best days of my life. Operating team was lovely, I was not in pain or traumatised in any way, and I found breast-feeding worked perfectly well.

But even so, it was abdominal surgery and I was really not ready for socialising until the following day.

If you'd had your appendix out, no one would insist on your making polite conversation with visitors as they rolled you out of the operating theatre.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/03/2017 10:35

Oooh but yes to answer your original question yanbu. It's totally up to you

namechange20050 · 25/03/2017 10:36

I had a brilliant trouble free section. I chose not to have visitors at all until the day after I was discharged. I didn't need people fussing round me when I was trying to get the baby to latch and had a catheter in! Totally up to you op. Good luck with the birth.

Trainspotting1984 · 25/03/2017 10:38

Don't worry so much OP. The reason I wouldn't tell people about a section is it's higher risk than vaginal birth so they may well
Worry (my family would) but not judge at all. Tell anyone who judges to go and FUCK THEMSELVES

The hospital won't let visitors in anyway, don't worry about that

MelinaMercury · 25/03/2017 10:45

YANBU to not want to tell everyone and anyone but i do think it's a bit unfair to expect his parents to look after your DS whilst worrying why you've been rushed into hospital.

I know my Mum would've been a nervous wreck had i done this!

Our parents were told when i was in labour with DC1 and my section date with DC2 but were sworn to secrecy and told no contact until we had contacted them.

Are you worried about your section? I ended up with an EMCS then an ELCS and honestly i was a wreck but the experiences were positive ones so please don't panic :)

Iggi999 · 25/03/2017 11:09

If you didn't need the childcare it would just be a case of not telling them something, but as it is you want your dh to tell a lie to his parents' faces, which may not be something he's comfortable with.
You can tell them it might not be till later on (I was last in the afternoon having been there all day) and to come the next day. Though I remember being keen for (short) visits so people could start admiring the wonder that was my baby!

Original poster

user1490210924 · 25/03/2017 11:18

Agh thank you so much for the lovely replies really feel better hearing all the positive stories. When I had my ds the hospital were not allowing visitors aside from birthing partner due to a rise in the flu virus but it was ok cos I got home the next day and enjoyed my visitors at home. I think I'm happier with people not knowing I've had a section till I've had my baby.

OP posts:

eyespydreams · 25/03/2017 11:37

My c section was a wonderful magical experience and I felt great afterwards (just to reassure you!). Also really didn't want visitors bar a little pop in and out on 2nd day to say hello. Honestly, section was so calm and lovely with a wonderful team!

Gillian1980 · 25/03/2017 11:56

I had a planned section and told people in advance. Nobody expected to be visiting that day and just said to let them know when we were feeling ready to see people.

However, if your families are pushier than that, then I can see why you don't want to tell them

I would struggle though with asking them to look after our dd but not telling them why. Also, how old is your DS? Will he not know that that the next time he sees you the baby will be there?

flumpybear · 25/03/2017 13:17

If anyone even hints at negativity tell them it's none of their business!! I had an emergency with my first as she wasn't engaged but second baby was elective had he not arrived by the time I was 39+6 - I didn't even consider getting negative comments - everyone can piss off thinking their very limited and inappropriate views are ok the shed all over you - cheeky fuckers!!!

yayforsummer · 25/03/2017 14:00

I did this! The only person who knew my date apart from my husband was the person who was looking after my dd.
I did it so there would be a nice surprise for everyone.
With planned sections there is often the lack of surprise when the birth is announced and I didn't want that.
Both families got caught up in the excitement.. we had everyone's buy in. They were taking bets lol! It was a good decision imo as it meant I didn't need to worry about mum / mil worrying iyswim
Good luck

JeNeBaguetteRien · 25/03/2017 14:34

Melina where does anyone mention "rushed to hospital"? Surely OP's DH can support his wife by asking his parents to look after the other DC while OP is monitored and when all has gone well surprise them with the lovely news.
OP you are the one about to have surgery so top trumps. They'll be so glad to hear their grandchild has arrived they shouldn't have any issue and if they do DH should put them straight. Good luck.

MelinaMercury · 25/03/2017 15:41

Well fair enough "rushed" might be a bit dramatic but how else would you explain them having to look after the DC without prior warning or explanation? I know my Mum would panic if she was suddenly ditched with my kids and I was heavily pregnant

Headofthehive55 · 25/03/2017 16:05

I think it has more in common with major surgery. So think recovery from that. A quick pop in the day after is reasonable.

soapboxqueen · 25/03/2017 16:20

You have a right to keep your information to yourself but I agree with some pp in that if you need childcare for your older child, your dh's family are going to worry that something is wrong when he turns up with your eldest. Saying you've gone in for monitoring would worry people, I know my family would have been.

You don't need to say anything until the day. Just get your dh to drop your older one off and say that you are scheduled for a section but you don't know when today it will be or if it will get bumped until tomorrow so you'll call them when everything is sorted. That way they won't have time to tell you anything negative and they won't show up until asked.

If they are that pushy that they would ignore this, I doubt they would take a backseat with 'in hospital for monitoring' either.

superseagull · 25/03/2017 16:49

I've had 2 planned sections, both were very positive. My recoveries were good, and i managed to establish breastfeeding. We didn't tell anyone either time - not even my parents who were with DD. We wanted to be able to make the phonecall informing people that our baby was here, it was lovely. my view was that if it was a spontaneous labour I wouldn't be able to forewarn anyone so it wasn't necessary for section (in fact we didn't even tell anyone we were having sections). My feeling is that birth is a very personal experience - I didn't want anyone else's input. I've had a couple of comments about 'not giving birth'! But a baby came out of me so that'll do for me! Good luck OP, I hope he listens and you are able to focus on meeting your baby.

superseagull · 25/03/2017 16:52

Oh I we told my parents that I had an appointment that we both wanted to be at - it was a complicated pregnancy so they came over for an early start, I told them it would be monitoring so a long appointment. We then called with the news.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 25/03/2017 17:28

For our planned section we asked my parents to look after dc1 as we had a hospital appointment. Strictly true...!
I did tell my dad the truth but my mum is a massive worrier so we didn't want the stress of all that - she would have been on the ceiling!

Would something similar work?!

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