Woman 'trapped in loveless marriage' after judges refuse divorce

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www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/24/tini-owens-trapped-loveless-marriage-judges-refuse-divorce
If she is unhappily married and has had an affair and wants a divorce, FFS why can't she have one?!? AIBU?

"...the effect of Judge Tolson’s judgement is to leave the wife in a wretched predicament, feeling, as she put it in her witness statement, unloved, isolated and alone, and locked into a loveless and desperately unhappy marriage which, as the judge correctly found, has, in fact if not in law, irretrievably broken down.”

Surely this will just frighten even more people off the idea of marriage?

I think divorce seems too accessible for some young people. My niece left her husband after 18months. Apparently they didn't get on (he didn't admire her enough) and she is stomping up and down as her husband doesn't want to divorce. I think she though it was going to be quick and easy to divorce.

It happened to my sister - years of emotional and physical abuse (sadly with no witnesses), he literally threw her out of the house, then refused to agree to a divorce so she was stuck with waiting 5 years. Divorce should really be made much easier.

He may well be a millionaire, but until they divorce and the courts force the split of the assets, he doesn't need to give her access to them now.

She's already moved out, he gets another 3 years of being able to limit her choices and potentially control access to money.

Everyone wants no fault divorce except for the politicians.

Everyone wants no fault divorce except for the -politicians- lawyers.

Although you often couldn't get a fag paper between 'em since so many politicos are lawyers. Did you know you can be a QC just by becoming an MP.

Almost all of our legal system is a festering old-fashioned closed-shop protectionist cosy cartel bag of shite , and stuff like this case prove it.

The divorce situation in the UK never ceases to amaze me. If someone doesn't want to be married anymore, for whatever reason, there's no point in making them stay in that marriage. They're mentally and emotionally already gone. What's the point in basically telling them "Well, you could make it work if you wanted to" when they've already decided they don't want to?

I thank God I lived in a 'no fault' divorce state when I kicked my abusive husband out. Six months, done and dusted. My cousin's took longer because of the financial end of things, but it was still done in about 18 months.

@AcrossthePond55 Right?!?

Five years!!! Mine "dragged out" through TWO APPEALS because my ex was clinging, STILL "only" took nearly three years. Five and I would've died!

I can't imagine he would be delaying to keep his money. He has to support her while they're married, and doesn't her claim just increase as the years go on?

We last had a proper go at "reform" for divorce in 1974 - overdue a shakeup.

The fact he won't agree to a divorce, when she's obviously so unhappy in the marriage, means he's behaving unreasonably! Any reasonable person would let her have a divorce.

However I do hope the law in now changed as this situation is awful. She really is trapped for 5 years.

One of my friends parents went through this years ago.

Husband had an affair and wanted to leave with his OW. But Wife had done nothing wrong so he couldnt divorce her. He asked her to divorce him for his adultery and she told him no as why should she give him what he wants. He wouldn't leave the house as he said it was his and he wasnt leaving her alone in it.

It would actually give great satisfaction to some i guess to not let them out of the marriage.

One of my friends parents went through this years ago.

Husband had an affair and wanted to leave with his OW. But Wife had done nothing wrong so he couldnt divorce her. He asked her to divorce him for his adultery and she told him no as why should she give him what he wants. He wouldn't leave the house as he said it was his and he wasnt leaving her alone in it.

It would actually give great satisfaction to some i guess to not let them out of the marriage.

Some young people, head? How old are you, then? 90?

And divorce should be accessible. People make stupid decisions and one of the biggest stupid decisions is tying yourself, in law, to another person when the relationship, or even that person, wasn't really suitable for such a big commitment.

I noticed that there's a fair age gap between the two, here. She'd have been in her mid 20s and him in his late 30s, when they married.

This was one of the reasons I didn't want to marry my ExP. Some judge telling me I had to stay married for five when the marriage was over? No thanks. If divorce had been easier, I might have married him!

This is appalling and I didn't realise this happened. I'm not in the UK and where I am we have no fault divorce. That poor woman.

Yes, one of many reasons I'm never getting married again.

Next time the laywers (and it is them) start banging on about "more rights for unmarried co-habitees" be very afraid - they mean "more cash for lawyers".

It is probably a right decision of the court based on the absolute clusterfuck of the current law.

Usually it isn't a problem as most parties are pragmatic and won't oppose a divorce petition.

It is blatant that the Matrimonial Causes Act needs to be torn up and rewritten to stop ridiculous situations like this and allow a more intellectually honest approach to divorces generally.

I wonder if the comments would be the same if the situation was reversed and it was the man who had had the affair.

In fact I can imagine that if he'd had the affair and wanted the divorce people would be saying that it was so he could control the money more and get the house sold, etc.

TBH, I don't see why the divorce shouldn't have been granted but equally I think that if divorce were made easier then it would also make it easier for people who controled their partners to simply divorce them when they'd had enough etc.

Jaxhog I bet she wants HER money and he is holding her to ransome as he doesn't want the marriage to end. He is blocking both the divorce and a financial settlement as he thinks they should try to reconcile etc. In doing this he prevents her having any freedom as an older woman who would have limited earning capacity and pension etc

Personally I think she needs a better lawyer but there you go

Its a ridiculous situation for anyone to be in, and I dont get why its no longer possible to divorce on the grounds of adultery.

head, what exactly does the attitude of 'young people' have to do with this case?

Baggy it is possible to divorce on the grounds of adultery. But she is the one who had the affair so she can't divorce him for adultery when he's not done it.

I suspect if this was the other way around and the husband had an affair and the wife was blocking the divorce in this manner, (quite possibly to keep her home and a preferable financial position for another five years) I suspect a lot of Mumsnetters would be cheering her on and shouting 'You go girl, get revenge on the cheater'.

I suspect he thinks he might be dead in five years. This way he can stay in the family home and possibly will his estate to his children so she gets nothing anyway.

A retired mushroom farmer? Bet he's a fun guy to be with.

WannaBe, in my cousin's case it was her husband who cheated and wanted the divorce. My cousin was devastated but she also realized that there was no point in keeping a man who no longer loved her tied to her in marriage. And because of the 'no fault', both of them were able to focus on the financial end of things rather than him having to vilify her for 'unreasonable behaviour' to find sufficient 'grounds' for the divorce. In the end the fact that she would be divorced, will it or no, helped her to move on and find her own life. And it made him reasonable on the financial end of things because he wanted it over as soon as possible so he could marry the OW so he was more willing to make concessions and be generous.

Boom, boom intergalactic.