to pull my kid out of school

[notturningintopowerranger]

My son is in reception at a nearby school and was there for nursery. There have been issues from day one, he was being bullied by a kid - I'll call him P and this took the form of pushing, hitting and kicking. The teacher would not confirm if this was happening and I did not feel my child's needs were taken seriously. A while ago my child came home saying P had licked another child's penis in the playground. Recently I am hearing from all parents that P has been asking to see their child's penises or showing them his, touching kids inappropriatley and physically attacking other children. This has made me certain that my child was telling the truth about the incident in the playground. It is out of control. The school reported to children's services but no further action was taken.

Another parent went in to school to collect their child at lunchtime last week and there were children (quite literally) climbing the walls, the teachers screaming at them, coats all over the floor, some inside with no supervision. She said it was like a zoo. It's insane!

My child is in the extra needs group, but the teacher has always told us that everything is going completely fine for him - we don't need to worry at all. I only found this out by seeing on the timetable he is on the list of kids they take out for extra support...! There is no communication and parents evenings are two-three minutes long.

We applied for a school closer to us, which is an excellent but oversubscribed school. He is first on the list at the moment, but a place may not come up for some time, or someone may jump ahead we just don't know. I have just got my youngest in to this school and he will be starting in september. I have friends to help with school run so not too worried about logisitics.

My question is this: should i take my son out of the first school and put him into another school nearby while waiting for excellent school? This would make logisitcs even easier as they're in the same direction. They have a place he could start now. However, I would then want to move him to the excellent school as soon as a place came up which would mean another move. I'm not sure it's fair on him being at yet another school, getting to know people and moving again. Should i homeschool until he gets a place? Should i leave him at the zoo school until a place comes up at the excellent school?

He is very angry and upset after school, and takes a long time to settle down, and I feel I'm not protecting him by leaving him there. I am really worried, and don't know what to do. Home schooling would be a bloomin' nightmare as I work, but maybe I could give my son a boost until he starts at the excellent school. I just don't know what is for the best.

Thank you. He's quite distressed about school, but I know he does have fun there in the majority and he loves the learning and trips and his friends etc. I ask him how it is and he says he want's P to stop hurting him. It's become a bit of a joke with family and friends actually - 'what's P done now?' type thing. Even great grandma has heard all about P. For that reason, I thought my child had just got a bugbear with P - every time I've seen P he has been sweet and fun. Now I've heard other children are experiencing the same I feel guilty I've not paid more attention to my son.

The youngest starting excellent school won't really help as my son is already top of the list in our category. It's likely he will get a place eventually, as often parents go private from KS2 there, so places will come up, but that could be a long wait.

Talith, that is the response I would expect. I work in this field, and have been quite shocked by the school's lack of interest in what is going on for this child who is clearly in need of significant support. As LIZS says I am not party to the support put in place, but whatever has been provided it is not working and needs to be reviewed urgently!

Everything Madmags said, and everyone else who has said pull him out - if he were my DS this would be his last day at Zoo School.

His wellbeing, physical and emotional are far more important than the tiny, and in Zoo school it probably will be tiny, amount of schooling he'll miss out on - check with excellent school - go in and have a face to face rather than on the phone, explain everything and ask what the realistic prospect of a place is, surely sibling being there must improve his chances?

And DS might benefit from a bit of calm and happy time at home with you and/or DH if excellent school can take him in a few months time.

The youngest starting excellent school won't really help as my son is already top of the list in our category.

It might stop someone leapfrogging you, though. Certainly come September you should make sure they make the connection in the paperwork.

I agree you need to take your kid out of a place which is unsafe for him. P sounds as if he has complex problems and it may be very hard for the school to get a handle on them in the short term. The troublesome children in my son's reception were far less bad than this, but are almost all still problematic. In most of these cases, the school is not at any fault at all but it can't magic away the issues.

I'd probably chose to put him in the second choice school from after Easter, and hope a place comes up at excellent school once your sibling preference kicks in. But give him an extended holiday now, so he has a chance to recover from everything that has happened. I wouldn't rule out HE though, as six months in the summer with his younger sibling might be fun for all of you.

Get your child out of that school. The issue is clearly not just P,although the school have a duty of care to all the children and they know this. It sounds a complete shambles.

I moved my gs to a "good" ofsted school locally and do you know, we are very happy with it. Whereas my neighbour always insists her boys go to an "outstanding" school without two years in one classroom. I would rather gs be happy but each to their own. I am perhaps a bit more relaxed as I have already done this all before!

It would be hard on him to move him twice but that is a matter for you. For now I would just get him out of there without delay.

YANBU
My DS had a very similar experience in Reception and the school were useless, I took him out and wished I'd done it sooner.
Don't leave him there, it sounds awful.

Just a thought - and not sure if anyone else has asked, but if you had to pull your DS out of zoo school, could you go back to excellent school and ask if they have an emergency place as he is now without a school?
I don't have any DC myself, but I was sure schools can have a certain amount of places they can give on emergency cases.
Either way if not I would still pull him out and put him in the good school. Having such a bad experience at school could lead to him eventually refusing school which would be a massive shame as he clearly enjoys it outwith P.

Sounds like you know you can't leave him at Zoo School any longer.

"having them both at home is much easier anyway as they talk and play together.

You're right though - what's three months?its not a long time, especially as we approach summer and things get a lot more relaxed. Of course, being at school he has learnt a lot and it's daunting to wonder how I can match that level of teaching with no experience myself."

I don't have a strong opinion as to whether you should home ed or put your DS1 into Decent School for the time being. From what you say above, I am guessing that home ed would be easy enough until September?

The education side of home ed is really really not hard at all. With one-to-one attention they learn quickly, and it is very straightforward to do, especially with a young child. Don't worry about that.

The greater challenge for parents who home educate and work FT is the childcare: just having your child around so much more than if he were at school. As you say, if both children were in school from September then you could be getting a decent amount of sleep!

Why not home ed until September in hopes that a place might come up at DS2's school - and if it doesn't, then consider putting DS1 into Decent School? Unless you think it likely that, as a PP suggested, Decent School might soon fill up with other children who are fleeing from Zoo School, in which case perhaps you ought to grab a place there before it's too late.

Just a thought - and not sure if anyone else has asked, but if you had to pull your DS out of zoo school, could you go back to excellent school and ask if they have an emergency place as he is now without a school? I don't have any DC myself, but I was sure schools can have a certain amount of places they can give on emergency cases.

Not exactly. In any case it wouldn't apply here because other local schools have places.

Hi MrsHathaway, I'm going to try this approach. You're right that it is very unlikely - especially as there is a place at another school, but I have to give it a go. I've written a letter to the head explaining what has happened and making a request so I'll take it in tomorrow. I heard rumours that one family may (or may not...!) be moving abroad, so I am quietly, desperately hoping.

I will be keeping my boy off until after the holidays and will review then. I've written a clear letter to zoo headteacher asking him to clarify school position and will take to governors in any case. This cannot continue whether my child is there or not. I'm actually really upset about the whole thing and feel all children there have been let down ☹️