Aibu or is this a racist comment?

[BellarinatheCAG]

Hello!

I'm being accused of falsely calling someone out over what I believe to be a racist comment. I'd like to know what other people would make of it.

I would like to point out my opinion isn't only based on this one incident but a few others...only the previous incidents don't have any "witnesses" as such.

I'm mixed race (African and 2 different types of Asian) holding a different African countries passport i.e. not the same African country as my heritage.

Person making the imo racist comment (T), is Caucasian/European (basically a white person). T also is a soroptimist.

I have very poor metabolism and so tend to get very cold. So on this particular occasion after being made to sit for 3 hours in an open air theatre followed by a walk in the gardens, I was wearing a borrowed jacket in addition to my sweater and wrap. Another person made a sympathetic "you poor thing" type of comment to me which was perfectly fine with me...my teeth may have been chattering at this point.

Upon hearing that comment T decides to take a photograph of me and then laughs and says to me "I'll show your photo to my soroptimist group and tell them here's another one of those poor African women (names a particular place which happens to be a neighbouring country to where I was born) we (referring to her and her husband) are supporting". She continues to laugh, I'm not sure about what.

So, what best describes T in this instance:
A) Racist
B) Just doesn't like me personally
C) both A and B
D) innocent and meant nothing bad.

I hope people do weigh in and reply.
Many thanks.

EduCated...because everyone knows Herbal Essence shampoo can't be used by people with Afro/Kinky hair!

Notmyrealname...Her family are the ones defending her and saying I'm wrong about her. She is the nicest most generous person and I must have misunderstood her.

I think my senses and brain are working just fine.

Bloody hell! She actually asked if the black ones were the slaves??? . What a racist bitch!

My DTDs had their Y4 performance today about the Victorians. Around 1/3 of their class is black. The girl who played the Victorian nanny was a black girl. Although historically correct, it did make me , as from two combined classes of around 45 kids, they chose a black girl to be the nanny. They probably didn't mean anything by it, but I just found it stereotyping.

Definitely racist and somewhat deficient in decency and common sense.

DH has some friends/older relatives like that...

I think it's great you're standing up to her. Good job!

Yes, your senses and your brain is just fine. It's hers that's... "not so fine".

Can you avoid her or is that impossible?

She is the nicest most generous person and I must have misunderstood her.

Bellarina - she sounds like she just enjoys the status of being one of a group of 'ladies that lunch' and are seen to support worthy causes, but doesn't actually care. Well, she cares about her status, but not about the actual causes.

I seriously admire your courage to say something.

After the slave comment I would have completely blanked her from then on. Why would someone even think that?

Why are you spending any time with her at all?

OP how did others react to the "slave" comment?

ExitPursued...bse she was the MIL. Very soon to be exMIL and ruining her birthday celebration and falsely accusing her of being racist is being cited as part of my unreasonable behaviour in the divorce.

I found it hilarious but was told apparently it is a valid factor.

Racist and fucking rude..not a nice woman.

a and e - a wanker.
Good for calling her on it.
I find it's generally the people making racist remarks who think there is an overreaction, not the person on the receiving end of the comment.

racist - absolutely

Without a shadow of a doubt - racist.

When someone who does "goodwill" is actually an ignorant bigot... my SMIL too. And there is no telling them.

C - What a bitch.

Other comments include: you don't need sunscreen

I get this a lot as well. There's an assumption that black people don't require sunscreen.

What a bitch. Good for you calling her out on it.

How can calling her racist be a valid factor in a divorce ? I'm glad you won't have to put up with any more of her rubbish.

Regarding the slaves comment, I told her to keep quiet as she was a guest at someone's wedding and her comments were offensive.
She of course got defensive and said she was only asking to learn more about the culture as it was her first time etc and that Arabs were known to have enslaved Africans and all she wanted to know was if these were the decendants of those slaves.
Because of course I'm the foremost authority on all African people...even those I have never met.

I didn't personally know any of the other guests at our table but was hoping someone would have slapped her because it was wrong on so many levels.

In a way I feel the justifications after the comments are worse than the actual comments. I didn't have anything to do with her for 2 years after that incident but then was convinced to move past it and give her the benefit of doubt etc etc and attend the week long pre-birthday celebrations.

I'm not too bothered if someone is racist as long as they own it and everyone knows that about them and you deal with them accordingly.

Its the sneaky I'm not racist racists spreading their hate and targetting innocent unsuspecting people that I despise.

Thank you all for replying.

Yes, racist. YAdefinitelyNBU.

And clearly using her involvement with charity/ empowerment as 'proof' that her character's beyond criticism. Couldn't possibly be bigotry, because she does (or, vitally, is seen by others to do) X, Y and Z good works. Sinister.

Zebra (page 1) summed it up beautifully.

Out of interest, did your soon-to-be-Ex share any of his mother's delightful views? Is her DH similarly ignorant?

A and b
What a bitch.

Another one who had to google soroptimist - thank you for the new word!

Either A) or C). Not enough context here to know if she's just a racist twat or if she's a racist twat AND has a problem with you personally.