Mutton dressed as lamb

[DerFlabberghast]

I absolutely hate the fact that I'm in tears right now.

I posted recently about some unkind comments about my weight from a 'friend' of my mother's, for background and not to drip feed I was in rehab for two months at the end of last year and so have significantly increased my weight to something healthy on the ol BMI. I am also in recovery from EDNOS.

Today I was charity shopping with someone and picked out a pretty top for summer, nothing spectacular just something light and a bit 'floaty' iykwim with strawberries on, she pursued her lips and said 'oooh, you're a bit old and...you know...big for that now.'

I was a bit shocked so just said 'oh, really?' And said 'it would be a bit mutton dressed as lamb.'

Now I feel old and fat and like all my work's been for bugger all. I also think that phrase is fucking sexist women can wear what they bloody want at whatever age imho. Anyway, I accused her of both bitchyness disguised as concern and internalised misogyny, feel shit but aware I might be overreacting because it's a very sensitive topic for me.

oh I remember your other post

I'm really sorry she said this

tbh I learned from MN that the world is full of people who come out with this kind of shite. I guess I mix with a very specific group of people.

this is just crazy talk. I know you're feeling fragile right now but please don't take any more notice of her than you did of the other woman.

the "mutton dressed as lamb" thing pisses me right off. Alongside "letting yourself go".

and please don't lose sight of your achievement. What you did - and continue to do every day - is amazing

Well done on going through rehab (I did opiate rotation for physical health reasons a while ago & that was grim - to deal with mental as well as physical substance addiction must be truly horrendous; & of course there's no judgement attached to me taking my medication as prescribed!) and congratulations on your work recovering from EDNOS.

I'm so SO sorry the friend of your mother's said something so thoughtless, hurtful, rude - and cruel, really. Bet they'd not want comments like that on their clothing.

It's up to you what you wear & important that you find things you feel comfortable in. Adjusting to weight gain is HARD, especially when it's gain outside your control, as it were - so due to medication or tube-feeding, or in ED recovery or rehab. The weight can go on unevenly &/or very quickly &/or doesn't seem to "sit right" &/or "just" takes a long time to adapt to. With the last three, though, that gain is vital for your health & it does all settle down in time as your body adjusts.

Please try not to let what was said to you trigger any ED behaviours - hopefully posting here will help, but do you have any positive coping techniques that work for you?

It was a cruel thing to say to you - full stop, but particularly if they're aware of your ED history I feel.

You are free to wear whatever you want OP. And if you're at a healthy BMI having previously been seriously underweight, this summer embrace the floaty tops! Enjoy not needing to layer up because you've no body fat & are freezing despite it being almost 30 degrees...

She's a hateful shithead.

Well done for overcoming your difficulties.Dress for you and nobody else but you. If you feel fabulous, you will look fabulous, confidence is very attractive. She is jealous, bin her.

Der I believe I posted after your mother's friend and her horrible rudeness. I shall pretty much reiterate what I said then: Rude Person. Cruel and Rude. Not a friend. Nope, no way.

Congratulations. You should be dancing with joy (wearing whatever the hell floats your fabulous boat!) at this point, not crying.

Pretty obvious that there is some weight to be lost - when you eliminate these rude people you will feel so much lighter! Dump your NON-friends.

Buy it, and make a special effort to wear it whenever you see her. Ask her if she means to look so... frumpy?

(I accused her of both bitchyness disguised as concern and internalised misogyny,*

Did you tell her that?

She sounds like arsehole dressed as friend.

^^ This.

It's bad enough to make comments like that about strangers, as you never know what they've been through in their lives, and the reasons they look like they do. Absolutely unforgiveable to say that to someone if you know what they've been through. Comments like that could send someone with an eating disorder straight back to where they were .

I hope you bought the blouse, and to hell with what she thinks.

Have nothing to do with this nasty person. They are probably jealous of you and want to put you down due to their own insecurities. Wear what you like and stuff her!

I am sure you will look lovely in it. It sounds fun! Who cares what she says about it. Is her opinion important to you? No? She can fuck off then!!!

Wear your strawberry top with pride (assuming we get some good wether that is!).

I'd be tempted to text to her 'if it's a choice of going out in a top that makes me feel happy or with someone who makes me feel bad I'll take the top - goodbye'. She's no friend - I had someone do similar to me once and luckily felt strong enough to call her on it there and then......she was mortified when she realised how much she'd hurt me and we're still good friends.

You have done so well - you deserve that top!!!

Congrats on your rehab OP

A wanky comment like that would make me buy the sluttiest outfit I could find and parade about in it in front of them.

Fuck that phrase, wear what you want.

How old is this "friend" of your mother's?

I ask because I have found a lot of the older generation have ridiculous rules about length of hair, type of clothing, etc for certain ages.

You don't have to be defined by any of that nonsense if you don't want to be.

Ignore. Don't go shopping with such a wet blanket again.

Congratulations on how well you have done. Don't let anyone bring you down

Shes a fucking bitch. I'd banish her from my life.