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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think basically no one really cares and you're on your own?

18 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 22/03/2017 22:15

Recently I've felt this more and more.
I'm married but dh isn't particularly bothered about me. I have parents but my mum told me at the weekend that having children is thankless and the happiest people she knows are single without a family. She said I should advise my own children not to have children but to get careers that paid well and just look after themselves as she has wasted her life.
I have no siblings (just me that's thankless then!) and no friends. That isn't strictly true I guess, I have what other people would probably call friends but if push came to shove I'm pretty sure I could disappear and it would make no difference and vice versa with most of them if I'm honest.

Pretty much when it comes down to the wire you're on your own aren't you?

OP posts:
glueandstick · 22/03/2017 22:16

Yup. Not much else you can say really. But then again I'm not really a people person and could feel alone in a room of a thousand.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/03/2017 22:17

Well if you choose to surround yourself with people who don't care then yes you are on your own.

You sound very deeply depressed.

Luggage16 · 22/03/2017 22:18

sadly I do think this is likely the case

ImFuckingSpartacus · 22/03/2017 22:19

Nope, thats not at all true. You sound like you're in a bad marriage and are depressed, but that isn;t the norm at all. Time to make changes.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/03/2017 22:22

Well....,,I guess you are in a way. It's much better to have contentness and security from within. If you rely on other people you are vulnerable.

At the end of the day you are the only one responsible for yourself. I try to give my children utmost security and knowledge that I am the rock for them always, should they need me, and they will always have me rooting for them and loving them, Not everyone has even a parent do that. And even with the strength of the feeling that I want them to feel secure and loved, I can only offer that whilst I'm still alive then it's gone.

Lapinlapin · 22/03/2017 22:23

It's sad you feel like that. It does sound that in your situation, the people who should care about you the most don't.

But actually, I don't think it's normal. My mum and dh definitely care about me, like I do them. And I'm not saying that to sound smug, but rather to show that it's normal to have people who care about you.

Sadly you can't change your family, but you can choose your dh and your friends. Are you happy with your dh? What make you think he's not particularly bothered about you?

Lessthanaballpark · 22/03/2017 22:25

Well if you choose to surround yourself with people who don't care then yes you are on your own.

Way to be supportive Hmm

OP I'm sorry you've had such a hard time of things. But in a way it is liberating to realise that the only person who you can truly rely is yourself.

Stitchfusion · 22/03/2017 22:28

I think that both you and your mom sound depressed. Your mom more so. I would recommend some sort of counselling for you both individually.

Capricorn76 · 22/03/2017 22:28

I've felt like I'm on my own, like there's nobody really in my corner fighting for me but deep down I know it's not true. Maybe you're a bit down.

The long winter and sometimes drudgery of life can sometimes make you feel a bit down and bitter. I'm sure deep down you know your DH would go into bat for you and that your parents and kids would be devestated if anything were to happen to you.

Maybe they're currently too focused on their own stuff or taking you for granted which isn't nice but that's not the same as you being on your own.

missymayhemsmum · 22/03/2017 22:29

You're certainly responsible for your own life and happiness, I'm not sure that's the same thing. Sounds like your mother is being bloody harsh. Even if that's how she's currently feeling it must be hard to hear. Or is she asking for reassurance from you that she still matters and hasn't wasted her life? Is that how you feel about your children?

SleepFreeZone · 22/03/2017 22:33

I sort of know what you mean. When I was going through the pain of multiple miscarriages I realised that none really cared. People were good at making sympathetic noises but then went back to their own lives where everything was good. When I would awake at 2am most nights with my mind screaming with pain I realised I was totally alone. I ended up getting up and watching trash TV just to think of something else.

So yes, when push comes to shove I think we are pretty much on our own but maybe we just have to accept that and forgive other people for better be busy with their own lives

Stitchfusion · 22/03/2017 22:37

There was a point in my life, about ten years or so ago, in which I felt very similar to you and your mom. I have tried to find the thread to show you the support I received, but sadly, I cant find it, too many namechanges and my terrible stalking abilities, even when stalking myself :)
People do care, even if it seems as if they dont. The trick is to be as self sufficient as possible, but still have people you can rely on around you and to be the person others can rely on.

Pottedplants · 22/03/2017 22:37

I could have written your post No family around and if they were around they couldn't care less. When I had a baby, my sister sent a text message and has never met my now three year old. My other family member gave me a packet of toffees when I had my first child! Friends have left the city I live in and I find it very hard to make more than acquaint myself with others. My DH perhaps does love me but if we hadn't children together, I wouldn't have stayed with him. However, I adore my kids and live for them and they would miss me if I wasn't here. I always tended to keep friends at arms length as in the past, I either had friends who met once every two months or friends who smothered me, ringing every day. I'd love friends I could meet once a week or fortnight but I am pretty certain this isn't the norm for most people.

knackeredinyorkshire · 22/03/2017 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningconstitutional2017 · 22/03/2017 22:58

You sound as though you're down in the dumps at the moment and at times of unhappiness I've felt similar. I'm a twin but have sometimes felt alone. When the chips are really down I know that people do generally care for me.

It's being with the right people that makes all the difference.

AllllGooone · 22/03/2017 23:00

Oh op, you sound so low Sad
If that's the kind of attitude your mother has to you, it's no wonder you feel that way tbh

JaneJeffer · 22/03/2017 23:05

It sounds to me as if your mother is having a go at you. I don't know why parents expect to be praised by their children. You didn't ask her to have you!

What I'm trying to say in a not very eloquent way is that you should enjoy each day with your own children now and not worry about them growing up to be ungrateful for all that you've done for them!

You should try to speak to your DH about this. I'm sure he is bothered about you but your present frame of mind is making you think he isn't.

enjoyingscience · 22/03/2017 23:08

I think I agree with you OP, though it's not a very nice place to be :(

The kids are utterly amazing, but they aren't there to provide support (nor should they be). It's a scary feeling knowing there isn't really anyone you can lean on if it comes to it.

That said, it's also pretty liberating not to have anyone to prove anything to. You are absolutely free to live your best life because it's just for you.

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