To honestly feel that I'm never going to enjoy life because of my mental health condition?

[HelloDeer]

I have had depression and anxiety for over 25 years since my early teens and have been on and off antidepressants for 22 years. I have tried counselling, CBT, hypnotherapy, tapping therapy. The antidepressants that I am on are very addictive and if I come off them I feel even worse for months.

I had a terrible childhood and am now non contact with my parents. They don't believe in mental health issues anyway. DH isn't sympathetic and just ignores me if I ever talk about my condition or how I feel, he won't ever pick up the slack if I'm feeling down, I am expected to do it all and hold down a job too.

There are two GPs at my surgery; one feels that depression is something from which you can pull yourself together, and the other says that my low dose of antidepressant should be enough and I need to 'make it work' and won't increase my dose or refer me to a consultant or psychiatrist.

I just feel so shit all the time, occasionally I will feel ok for a few days but most of the time I've got a horrible dark cloud over me and I just don't enjoy life. Everything is a struggle, an effort and a chore.

How the hell can I ever recover from this? Or actually I would be happy with just being able to enjoy life most of the time. I feel as though I've wasted my life, as my depression has held me back from doing anything I want to do.

Honestly I would start with a new GP who has an interest in MH.

I'm pretty sure you can feel much better than this. Maybe we cannot change who we fundamentally are and some people certainly have more depressive tendencies than others but is do not believe that means we can't all expect a good quality of life.

Your dh doesn't sound very helpful in all of this.

As someone who had depression, anxiety and schizophrenia (which was drug resistant) I can confirm there is light at the end of the tunnel. I felt suicidal for years thinking it wasn't going to get any better. I moved house and therefore changed doctors and straight away was taken seriously, I work with my psychiatrist now as GPS often do not have a clue about psychiatric medication, they can dispense generic antidepressants and antianxieties but as soon as they don't work or have side effecrs they're stuck. you should be under the care of a mental health professional, not just a gp. So I suggest registering at a different doctors surgery and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist.

I'm sad your dh is not supportive as I wouldn't have survived without my dh. Every day he fed me, reminded me to take my tablets, reminded me to bathe, talked to me and (as is common with anxiety) soothed my fears and accompanied me in stressful situations. I think it's better to be alone than be with someone unsupportive because they just wear you down and you end up resenting them and getting more depressed. But that's your choice.

There were times I could not work and working made everything worse, but when I was feeling relatively stable I regret giving up my job, so I would encourage part time, and then staying part time for quite a while even if you feel better because you can quickly become unwell again.

Best of luck to you and I hope you find medical professionals who take you seriously.

Thank you Matilda and Meek.

I would love to change GPs surgeries but I live in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere and there are only two surgeries; my one and a larger one in the main town that isn't taking on any further patients at present. I might contact the other one, explain my situation and see if there is any chance of them letting me join that surgery.

My DH being unsupportive is one of the main factors that gets me down I think. If I'm feeling down then he won't do anything and just expects me to look after the DCs, do everything in the house, and carry on going to work as normal without a complaint. He won't do a food shop or get the kids school clothes ready for the next day or anything like that. I often feel so overwhelmed I'd love someone to just look after me for a couple of days so I can rest and get my head together but there is no chance of that ever.

Has anyone else got any experiences/advice?

Have a look if you have iapt in your NHS trust . If you do you may be able to refer yourself to someone who'll listen.

HelloDeer your post made me sad so I wanted to reply. It is definitely possible to feel better than this, and you most certainly deserve it! I'm not sure what to suggest regarding the GP, could you maybe make a very factual list of what your symptoms are and how they limit you? Then say that you are not coping/ pills aren't doing the trick and you need more tailored help?

Re DH: I'm not sure. From what you say he sounds very unhelpful. Could it be that he finds it upsetting to hear what you've been through and how you're struggling at the moment? Not saying that makes it OK though! Would it be at all possible to talk to him about how he is not helping?

Thanks for the replies. I will look and see if there is one in my area.

I think DH is unsupportive as he actually doesn't really care how I feel, only how things affect him.

I've looked; there is no iapt in my area but there is something that I can self refer to for stress and feeling low so maybe they will be able to help?

Hey - yes that's likely to be the equivalent of IAPT in your area.

Plus if you feel able I'd go to your GP with a copy of the NICE guidance for depression - am pretty certain that if it hasn't resolved within a year they are supposed to refer you to secondary care at least for an assessment. You might find a psychiatrist will be willing to try other medications and you say you've tried counselling and CBT but have you looked into psychotherapy?

As others say above there is light at the end of the tunnel - I was very unwell from 19 to about 33 and now am 37 married with a daughter and I never ever thought I'd be OK enough for all of this - it's just you need the right support. You could also try looking for a depression or anxiety support group in your area - your husband sounds really unhelpful and like he's making things worse and it's amazing how talking to people who understand can help.

Take care
doricgirl

Is there a good reason you a married to someone who doesn't care how you feel and doesn't support you when you are ill?

Would he support you and the DC if you were in hospital with cancer? IS it just MH privilege, or is he just so unsupportive it wouldn't matter what happened to you, he wouldn't be there for you?

I wonder whether you can ever feel well if you're living with someone who doesn't care about you. That may sound unhelpful but objectively I hope it helps that this isn't all in your head. He sounds like an arsehole.

Deer. I have a similar kinda history. DH v unhelpful. I didn't realise how much he contributed to my depression until he started an OD habit, which I found out about. He had been a rubbish husband from the start, and was starting to be a rubbish father. Long story, and a few MN threads later, I encouraged him to leave. Things havent been easy, but when he was gone, my depression became a whole lot better, as if by magic :) It might be worth exploring through Marriage Guidance or similar (which you can attend on your own) if you feel that there is a future in your marriage, and you want it to continue in this way x

I think you'd cheer up a lot if you got rid of your husband tbh!

I second what PPs have said. See if the other GP surgery has a waiting list you can get onto and see a different GP. Try the self referal process for your area, you may find if what they are able to offer isn't enough/right for you that they can refer to a more specialised service too. Ultimately push for referal to a psychiatrist.

It does sound like your relationship with DH could be contributing to your depression too. As PP said living with someone you don't think cares about you would affect anyones mood, even without an underlying MH condition.

It sounds like you have tried lots of different things without success. Something that I found life changing was learning about NLP ( neurolinguistic programming ) through doing a foundation diploma in it. I've also found an nlp therapist has been able to help me where councelling and psychology have failed. Just another idea to throw in the pot.