To have gone to the school about this

[notmywords]

I've shopped my own son.

I periodically check his messages and there were some horrible ones in group chat, some from others. It was. It language I would expect him to know, let alone use.

I spoke to him at length about it. He says the worst of the messages weren't him, but a friend who was round to play.

He also said the the others were because I felt like he had to join in.

I am mortified. I took all of the messages to the school, told them the action we have taken and asked them to speak to the whole group about appropriate online behaviour. He has had his iPad confiscated.

I still feel terrible. On the one hand I feel awful that my son would do such a thing, and what that says about me as a parent.

On the other I worry that I've voluntarily raised issues about him which might stay on his record.

Can you hold my hand please?

In the nicest possible way, that is probably true. Notwithstanding any nasty or bullying comments, teenagers swear and insult each other as a matter of course.

But he wasn't the only one and some of them were using language that was much worse. There seemed to be an escalation to it.

Also they're 11 not 15!

Blinkyblink I think the point is that it involved other children from the school which is why OP went to the school. If it was just my DC talking in a chat room unconnected to school I would deal with it at home and not do anything else but the other parents might want to be involved.

Well it's your call, OP. But I think you asked whether this is normal. As a teacher I can tell you it is.

Ah yes, good point

Thanks trifle

I feel like a terrible parent. He's far from the perfect child but I've always prided myself on him being kind.

Don't beat yourself up! Was there unkindness in the comments?

Had I received them I would have thought they were unkind but he says he didn't mean them unkindly.

Hopefully we will chalk it all up as a learning opportunity!

My son had this at school as well. But it was the school that brought it to my attention. I was absolutely horrified by some of the things he had said. They were really disgusting and I've never heard him say anything like that. He's also always had good friendships etc. I think the pp who suggested that the spoken word is always less shocking than when things are written down. I think he'd heard people say stuff in the playground and had started copying it but by writing it down, it made it so much worse. Also, I don't think he realised how offensive the things he was saying were. It's probably not a bad thing for your ds to have this conversation with you when he's still young and learn this lesson now than to get into trouble when he's older and expected to know better. I was also a bit comforted by the fact that the school were relatively relaxed about it, as if it was something they were used to coming across.

Schools are taking this kind of thing very seriously as part of safeguarding. It doesn't take much for a private domestic matter to escalate into a situation where the school has to take action, such as bullying or sexual content.

DS's school has had assemblies run by PCSOs about online communication. He's in year 1 and at that age it was very much, this might seem funny, but is it funny if it's being shared. Year 1 aren't using media in this way, but they are getting the message in early given that it is proving to be a problem from Year 3 onwards. We were shown the videos seen by the children and they were sufficiently innocent while delivering an underlying message.

Children are criminally responsible from the age of 10, and if they share illegal content the police and courts can become involved. They are reluctant to do this because of the long term consequences, but it can and has happened for the most serious end of it.

What OPs son has been caught up in isn't serious in that regard, but the school will be interested in challenging a culture of using social media in this way to fend off the potential for further problems developing.

Actually now you have elaborated I think it isn't very bad, but escalating it with this smaller issue will show them how public their private messages can be. A good lesson before it goes too far.

for you sweet poster - many children swear from very young, it's very normal.

Good for you Op....you absolutely did the right thing..other than a sharp talking too l doubt there will be anything lasting from the school

The whole year got a good talking to at school. Some of the other messages that were being sent were apparently a lot worse.

Hopefully that will be the end of it.

I don't understand why you would have gone to the school over this. You say your son said go fuck yourself... hardly a such a big deal I'd have thought. Surely a having a word with your son would have been better than passing it to the school to deal with.

The head 'had a word' with the whole school year. Was that the only action taken?