To not want to go?

[Lovetolaugh123]

I'm pregnant with 1st baby. It's DSis birthday & she's having a little party/family gathering at her house at the weekend.
Her DH smokes in their house (they don't have DC) so I don't really want to go!
I know DSis will have had a word with him about going outside to smoke while they have guests round for her party, but I know that the house will smell of cigarette smoke anyway & I don't want to breathe it in!
They've also just got a dog & I'm allergic to dog hair, so was hoping to avoid that too!
I'd feel awful not going to her birthday party, and I don't really know how to broach the subject with her. AIBU if I don't go?
I could just make an excuse for not going & then take her out somewhere the week after to make it up to her, but I don't really want to lie.
And I feel like this will be an ongoing issue now, as I'm definitely not going to want to take my baby there once he/she is born. How will I explain that I never want to go round? Should I just be honest - I can't make excuses for the rest of our lives! But feel uncomfortable preaching to them what they should/shouldn't do in their own home, & I don't want to cause problems between DSis and her DH!

Ahh maybe IABU then - just spoke to my mum (who is going) & she said it's completely up to me & she understands either way, but she's hinted that I should go, i.e. "You'll be fine, only for a few hours" etc etc.
It's this afternoon.
DH says no - but I'll get final say.
If me & baby are out & about, like outside, & passed a group of smokers, we could just quickly walk on by - doesn't feel the same as being stuck within 4 (smokey) walls for 4+ hours?
I'm really hung up on this aren't I?

I was talking about the pollution in the air from cars not walking past smokers. Unlessyou live in the sticks pushing your baby in their pram has them at exhaust level. So baring that in mind I cant see how a few hours in a room that has been smoked in will cause any more damage.

I have been more fussy about avoiding animal houses while pregnant because I can't take anti histamines. It won't hurt the baby, but it will make me uncomfortable/miserable for a couple of hours, even if they've cleaned.

I think as you've upset her, I wouldn't now do a u turn as she'll probably still be upset.

I think there's a difference between being in a situation you have no control over, such as walking past smokers in the street, and choosing to be in a situation such as going to a smokers house.

Personally, I feel I must make as many choices as I can to protect my child's health. There will of course be many times when it's beyond my control.

If you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do. I think any reasonable family member would understand.

I think you are overreacting.

"Smoky walls."

YABU. And unkind to your DSIS.
You and your baby will come to no harm in the few hours you spend in your Dsis's home but you will cause a lot of harm to the family as a whole if you let this get in the way of your relationship. I know its not possible to avoid all risk and you as a mother will do all they can to make sure your baby is safe . But its a case of balance.
Weigh the little bit of discomfort (smell) against the possibility of your baby not having contact with their Aunt. It happens and this is the sort of silly non event that often precipitates full scale fallouts.

Get yourself together and go to the party . Spend hours before and after in the fresh air and put vicks up your nose if you must but make amends with your sister.

Ohhh I see your point.
DSis has just text to say I wasn't so terrified of harming the baby when I had a McFlurry a few weeks ago (apparently they are questionable whilst pregnant as the machines that make them can hold bacteria - but I ignored that & had 1 anyway!)

I'm taking that as a cheeky 'just come to my bloody party you precious cow' kind of olive-branch (I'm pretty sure she means it as a bit of a joke & isn't trying to take the argument further!)
I'll go to the party & see how I feel - maybe I've built the smoking up in my head as being a lot worse than it actually is, & it sounds like DSis has gone to a lot of effort to accommodate me.
But I really don't think I'll be taking the baby round once born - although that's a conversation to have with her on a different day!

Good move.

Did you go?

Yes I went, but it was a bit awkward! I'd thought we had broken the ice & we'd be fine with each other when I told her I'd go round after all, but seems the damage had already been done.
Bad start because me & DH were a bit late getting there, which she took as us dragging our heels & a sign we didn't want to go (we weren't late on purpose!).
The dog was there when we got there - I didn't even say anything, but she snapped that she'd not had time to sort it out because I'd given her such short notice that we were going.
And then there were just snide little comments all afternoon, like her DH very obviously huffing & puffing that he was going outside every time he wanted a fag etc etc.
I get that I've brought this on myself & in hindsight I wish I'd just never said anything at all. But I do feel annoyed with them for making me feel so bad just for having my opinion & for being a bit protective about my baby. I wish I hadn't bothered going round now.
And this may be just because I'm feeling catty & annoyed with DSis, but the house DID reek of smoke.