Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What body language is this?

51 replies

user1489943514 · 21/03/2017 17:04

I have a manager at work and every time I speak to her she leans back and places her A4 notepad over her face so only her eyes are showing. It's a bit disconcerting!

She doesn't do this with anyone else.

AIBU to think she's very distrustful of me and doesn't like me?

I'm never ever paranoid but it's quite an obvious action and is every time she sees me. When I first met her she was very warm and friendly, but after the first day she has been doing this.

She doesn't realise it herself that she's doing it. But it's very noticeable.

OP posts:
doublesnap · 21/03/2017 17:32

Talk to me about it at work 😀

Flashinthepan · 21/03/2017 17:35

Perhaps you put your face too close to hers if you say she moves back and covers her face? Maybe she doesn't do it to others because they don't get so close?

ScarlettFreestone · 21/03/2017 17:36

That does sound... odd.

Honestly, if it's bothering you, just ask her, very politely in a quiet, gentle voice:

"I don't want to be rude, but do you realise you cover your face every time to talk to me? It's a bit disconcerting..."

See what she says!

Serialweightwatcher · 21/03/2017 17:38

I've just found this link - it is saying that if they cover their mouth when they speak to you, they think you're lying - odd
www.indiabix.com/body-language/hand-to-face-gestures/

TheOnlyColditz · 21/03/2017 17:39

I know you are insistant that you cannot possibly smell, and you probably don't, but just in case, use some mouthwash and make sure you're freshly showered with perfectly clean clothes every day. Also, if you smoke, it's probably that.

I am honestly not meaning to doubt you, justthat her behaviour is SCREAMING "you smell!"

Miserylovescompany2 · 21/03/2017 17:39

I would do the same back - mirror her.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/03/2017 17:42

You've said twice now you think she doesn't trust you. Any reasons for this?

What's your working relationship like generally?

I'd be tempted next time to ask her straight out why she's doing this, a bit PA but it might be a subconscious move she does only when she sees you and this has got into a habit with her.

SapphireStrange · 21/03/2017 17:46

double, what does your post mean? Sorry if I'm being dim.

Those still saying maybe the OP smells, but she's covering her mouth, not her nose.

Original poster
user1489943514 · 21/03/2017 17:46

I'm very confident in the work I do. I think she thinks I exaggerate the work I've done.

But I know I haven't so I'm not going to let that get to me.

Of course it might not be that but to me it seems she is not trusting of me.

Others seem to like me and I have many friends at work. So I suppose I shouldn't really care too much but as it's such a noticeable mannerism it's hard not to want to know the meaning behind it.

I have good personal hygiene so definitely not that.

She doesn't even cover her nose anyway. Just her mouth.

OP posts:
Bloopbleep · 21/03/2017 17:46

Maybe the boss has bad breath or is embarrassed by wonky or yellow teeth?

BipBippadotta · 21/03/2017 17:49

I do this if someone catches me off guard when I've just drunk a coffee and can't get to a mint in time. It's never anything to do with trust or liking or disliking anyone, just not wanting them to wither in my fumes.

Do you often approach her just after lunch or a coffee break?

Original poster
user1489943514 · 21/03/2017 17:52

She's only like this with me. It's hard to explain but I genuinely don't think it's anything to do with teeth, breath or similar.

She's confident and warm/friendly with everyone else.

It's all times of the day.

OP posts:
Lowdoorinthewal1 · 21/03/2017 17:53

Got this from a micro expressions website:

The mouth cover action is actually a sign of discomfort and can be related to stress. When we are uncomfortable, we often tend to close ourselves (we cross our arms, grab our opposing shoulders or wrists). It’s a way to protect ourselves from imminent attacks. And when we are experiencing a higher level of stress, we will resort to some kind of auto-massage, like rubbing the chin or our lips with our fingers. So when you see someone suddenly cover his mouth and start rubbing his chin, it’s probably a sign he’s uncomfortable.

Ohyesiam · 21/03/2017 17:55

I wonder if she feels she can't be straight with you, or similar.
If any of my clients do this sort of thing I mention that they are "silencing" Themselves. So your instinct that she is sceptical of you could be right. You could remind her of someone she has not been able to trust.
Mirroring bodg language can put communication on a better footing. Not that I mean you to cover your mouth, but you could touch your chin, or tap your lip.

Also give her more space than you would most people, so if there is usually 45cm between you and someone you are talking to, take half a step back with her.
I doubt drawing her attention to it would help, as suggested by pp.

whatssheonaboutnow · 21/03/2017 17:57

Even if she doesn't fully trust you, you can't be the only one she's not totally comfortable around, so why would she not do it more often?

Do you ever have group meetings? Does she use the clipboard over the mouth then?

She may have an unusual phobia and something about you provokes it.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 21/03/2017 18:01

I do this Blush Not on purpose but I notice myself doing it when I'm feeling awkward or shy, it's not personal against the person and it's entirely subconscious, but I can't seem to stop it.

Original poster
user1489943514 · 21/03/2017 18:06

I'm hoping it's not personal! 😳

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 21/03/2017 19:23

Maybe just ignore it.

I think Lowdoor assessment is quite accurate and generally in situations like this you can't really change someone's mentality and mindset long term or short term so I'd just ignore.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/03/2017 19:25

I also agree with TheWeeBabySeamus it's probably entirely a subconscious action on her behalf as I mentioned before.

Meekonsandwich · 21/03/2017 20:16

Usually people cover their mouths when they lie, they put their hands briefly over their lips almost as if to stop the lie from coming out. Could be she's trying to conceal something from you?

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 08:01

Well if she only does it to you, there must be something personal in it. Have you asked anyone else whether they have noticed the same thing? Obviously you're not there for all interactions.

Do you speak to her at a particular time of day as a rule? She might just have eaten lunch and be self-conscious about food in her teeth or something!

MrsTwix · 22/03/2017 08:17

Maybe she is a bit insecure and you being so confident and yet her being the boss is subconsciously stressing her out a bit?

icelollycraving · 22/03/2017 08:54

I think when you say you are very confident etc,perhaps feels a bit intimidated.
If she doesn't do it to anyone else,then it is personal!
I immediately thought of bad breath though.

Trifleorbust · 22/03/2017 09:06

'I'm very confident in the work I do' does, sadly, come across as a little arrogant. Is it possible that she doesn't like you? I don't mean to sound goady, but you've answered all posts about hygiene etc., but not really those related to how you come across to her.

OreoDream · 22/03/2017 09:32

Do you stand very close to people OP? I think I do this with space invaders when I can't move away.

Swipe left for the next trending thread