AIBU to be so irritated by my office colleague

[CeciledeVolanges]

I haven't been getting much sleep recently, I'm really under the weather so that may be why I'm irritable. I normally get on well with the person I share an office with personally, but she is constantly muttering to herself, sniffing, clearing her throat, shuffling about, eating crisps, I can't concentrate and as I've been putting up with it for over a month I don't know what to say. I'm honestly on the verge of tears.

I don't know how people who share offices do it. It usually drives both people mad unless they are very good friends. Even then they struggle.

I'm not sure if it helps or not, but something to bear in mind is she probably feels the same about you. You will be doing stuff you don't realise and she probably is entertaining desires to kill you. Things like talking too loundly or for too long on phone, the sound of your key board strikes, your own sighing, drinking sounds, I'm sure you occasionally cough or sniff.

When you're feeling intolerant it's probably worth remember she's very likely sitting there thinking the exact same thing.

These threads always make me paranoid about eating in the office.

I eat in the office. As long as you don't also talk aloud to yourself, sniff all the time etc it's fine. Everyone lunches at their desk where I work.

Start getting on well with her again. You might find that your irritation fades.

(Irritation is usually a symptom of a much bigger problem).

I was once driven to passing a sniffy colleague a tissue. He declined it.

I wou say something about the sniffing and belching. They are bad manners.

YANBU but I think you need a break and would feel better after some annual leave.

Theres a woman in my work who sits at the other end of the office with several people in between us. I can hear her eating chocolate bars at her desk and sucking thr chocolate off her fingers from my desk it makes me sick

It sounds awful and you have my full sympathy. I am very noise sensitive and cannot even stand the sound of my partner chewing or humming sometimes. But you do need to recognise that some people aren't as "sensitive" as you are regarding noises/habits etc. So this is at least some part your problem. Two possible solutions: Firstly could you have a private word with your manager/HR etc explaining you are worried it's affecting your ability to concentrate and asking to move desk. Secondly study some mindfulness techniques (lots of good videos on YouTube) and go into a meditative state when she starts crunching/belching or whatever. I'm half joking but it could help?

Someone working with us had a hacking dry cough that drove their colleagues nuts. I hadn't noticed it until someone mentioned it, then of course I heard it all the time . Just like the nursery next door to my office where the little darlings warble "Let It Go" every day at teatime ( didn't notice that until a colleague mentioned it ).

Another colleague who sat next to dry cough colleague did have a word with her 'out of concern'. Turned out that DCC was asthmatic but kept forgetting her meds, and hadn't realised how often and loudly she was coughing. Got her meds right: everyone happy.

Can you raise it in a way that's more "I notice you're clearing your throat a lot, do you think you might be ill / allergic to something?" or whatever's appropriate rather than "shut the fuck up"?

I do get on well with her personally, that is why I'm so reluctant to say anything, and I know it is my problem. I have been sharing an office with someone for two years now! I think you are right and I do need some annual leave. I never take holidays and have been working since July with only breaks to attend two conferences and to move house.

Wax earplugs are good for a snoring spouse so might help here. You'd still hear a phone ring etc though you'd have to remove one.

I also agree that you've allowed these sounds to grow to karger proportions than they deserve due to your irritation. Do some mindfulness type exercises to reduce their impact on you.

Or have a word with your manager and get moved or use noise cancelling headphones.

And I'm another small person with a mighty sneeze. I promise I cannot help it.

I don't think it's her faults she's clearing her throat / coughing is it? A lot of people do this. What do you think she should do instead?

I'm not irritated by sneezing. I would suggest blow your nose, don't sniff; cough once instead of clearing your throat every ten seconds, don't whistle tunelessly or sigh all the time or mutter. I was taught as a child not to do any of those, and not taught kindly, the lesson definitely stuck with me, I'm wary of making any noise and it gets on my nerves because I am hypervigilant and jump at the slightest thing. I did acknowledge at the top that it is probably me. I know it is unreasonable to get so irritated but the noise is literally incessant.