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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu??

27 replies

Chickendipper12 · 21/03/2017 08:31

So a week ago I had a surgical abortion and had the coil fitted at the same time. I have felt awful ever since. Like physically in pain, feel like im going to vommit, sore all over and falling asleep really early alot of the time as well as emotionally.
Dh took a couple of weeks off work to help me out while I recovered from everything. Which was amazing of him but since day 2 hes just treated his time off as an excuse to game and is coming to bed at 5 in the morning!.
This has ment while feeling horrific for countless reasons and being in agony when passing clots through the night im up at 5:30 with our youngest (6 month) and joined by our oldest (2 years) at 8:00.
Iv tend to wake him up at one in the afternoon after the kids have had lunch or whatever but otherdays iv took the kids out and not come home til 5:00 im the evening and hes still in bed!
Last night I explained to him how bad I feel because although iv told him I feel crap I never explained how bad so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I told him im exhausted and just need to catch up on my sleep and hes says hell come bed with me early, watch films and hell get up with the kids today.
Well im chuffed we watch some films I fall asleep at around ten and at midnight im woke up. Dh is bringing the xbox upstairs!
I wake up on and off through the night a mixture or pain and the tv. When I last checked my phone its 4:30!
Our youngest woke up this morning and dh is dead to the world. I get up feed and change little man and wait for dd to get up.
After her breakfast I gave dh a nugde and asked if he could get up as I feel hideous and want to book a doctors appointment and could just do with the help.
He then shoots off at me! Like really shouts at me about how hes not slept and how inconsiderate I am! That hes off work and wants to enjoy his time off and sleep in.

All of this wouldnt normally bother me but the fact iv been feeling crap for a week and have left him to do his own shit for a week! Sleep in for a week! Iv Been running round despite feeling like in dying for a week! Doing the shopping alone, nursery run alone so on so on....

I literally asked him to throw me a bone today and he can be bothered because he was up gaming all night!
Im now crying downstairs feeling like crap and feeling like iv been unreasonable for asking for help.
Ill have to take the two kids the doctors with me which is a nightmare because the double pram in so heavy and im so fucking sore.

Was ibu to ask him to get up? Have ibu through the week?

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 21/03/2017 08:34

He's an arsehole. That is truly pathetic.

Flowers
Bluntness100 · 21/03/2017 08:38

What an absolute selfish twat. Sorry op, I guess you're not going to leave him, so I'm unsure what you can do.

Other than don't take the kids to the docs, just go and tell him he better get up as you're leaving the kids.

fruitbats · 21/03/2017 08:39

YANBU. He has behaved like a twat. I'd take the kids in to him and go to the doctor alone. Hope you feel better soon Thanks

newyorkgirl · 21/03/2017 08:44

Games console would be going in the bin...
I wouldn't put up with that at all yanbu.

Original poster
Chickendipper12 · 21/03/2017 08:45

I never go the doctors. I normally just see whatever it is out so he knows somthing must really be wrong if im going the doctors!
Iv spoken to him about the choice we made and hes agreed it was for the best. I left him to it this week as I thought he would be suffering aswell if that makes sense?
But now I feel like he thinks he can just take the piss because iv let him do it for a week.
He never does anything like this on his time off usually so I just dont understand why hes being like this?

OP posts:
RB68 · 21/03/2017 08:45

Personally he is acting like a child would treat him like one and I would take x box and drop it off at a friends and tell him that its you or the x box and at the moment until he is back in control of his life you don't want the x box in the house.

IamFriedSpam · 21/03/2017 08:49

Of course YANBU he's a total dick! There shouldn't even be any question he should be doing pretty much everything if you're feeling awful. I'd be massively pissed off and probably take the xbox cables to bed with me in my bra.

Original poster
Chickendipper12 · 21/03/2017 08:56

Hes just acting like an idiot.
Im pretty chilled out when he games but insist no through the day, not past one and not in the bedroom.
All three rules have been disregarded this week.

I know the choice we made has opened ild wounds for him. He had a ex borrow money off him for "a girls holiday". Turns out she borrowed the money for a private abortion even tho they had agreed to keep the baby. So I know the whole situation has been hard for him also.
But I feel like im the only one being supportive and hes just taking the piss

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickendipper12 · 21/03/2017 10:20

He got up ... I started getting dressed. He fell asleep. The baby has just rolled off the sofa.

Im going my mums before I kill him.

OP posts:
Starlighter · 21/03/2017 10:55

That's horrific! Why are you putting up with it?! You're making it too easy for him. Do not get up with the kids, don't do the nursery runs and don't take the kids to the docs! He needs to step up. Literally in shock at his lack of concern for you... has he always been like this?

Bellerophon · 21/03/2017 10:57

YANBU and he is being selfish

but YABU for creating a post headline called "Aibu??" and providing no context in the headline, making it impossible to distinguish this post in the AIBU homepage list.

xStefx · 21/03/2017 11:00

Tell him that he may aswell go back to work as he isn't doing what he was supposed to be having the time off for

Sekfish prick

CookieLady · 21/03/2017 11:01

Fucking man child. I bet the people at his work place think he's wonderful for taking time off to support you, whilst the reality is so different.

ImperialBlether · 21/03/2017 11:04

Please don't for one minute think that his past history with his ex is what's making him act like this now.

I would rather be on my own than with someone like this. You're having to carry him as well as your own worries AND you're expected to be grateful to him for being there!

TheMerryWidow1 · 21/03/2017 11:05

what an idiot he is, what is it with grown men playing on the xbox its pathetic! You poor thing you made this awful decision together but he's more or less let you get on with it. Stay at your Mum's for some tlc and see how long it takes the idiot to come and find you. Big hugs xx

hellsbellsmelons · 21/03/2017 11:05

You know you are NBU!!!
He is a selfish prick.
Can you leave the kids with him for a couple of days and go to your mums for some love and support and rest?
Let him deal with it all and see how he copes.
Honestly I'd not be putting up with this shit.

highinthesky · 21/03/2017 11:09

Perhaps you would like to remind him that he took the time off work to help you out.

Gaming all night is not helping you out. Being a selfish useless article is not helping you out. In fact him breathing right now is not helping you out.

VimFuego101 · 21/03/2017 11:12

YANBU. I don't say 'LTB' lightly, but in this case you really should.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 21/03/2017 11:14

He's a prick and now that I have seen your update about your baby rolling off the couch I would tell him I was going to the doctor and to pack his bags. You all deserve better, at the very minimum give him a reality check and let him sleep on someone's couch for a few nights

Valentine2 · 21/03/2017 11:18

I am angry just reading your post. Angry
If DH tried to pull that off, he would sleep in the shed or car with all his thins so he could have a proper day off from the family he took the equal responsibility of.
Kick him up his backside. He is walking all over you. Don't make food for him, don't press his clothes or whatever. He can do all his i king things himself from now on (even after you are better) and so not talk to him till he has apologised and made a resolution to never let this happen again. Then stick to your guns like there is no tomorrow.

MissJSays · 21/03/2017 11:22

I don't know how women put up with this shit!????
It honestly baffles me. I think you know you anbu, OP.

I would, like others suggest not getting up, not doing nursery run, and just telling him you're going to the doctors. But then he lets the baby roll off the sofa. He sounds utterly useless, selfish and uncaring. I personally, couldn't live like that. Hope you're feeling better soon, OP.

Miserylovescompany2 · 21/03/2017 11:39

He needs to man up! He took the time off to help you out, so, that's what he SHOULD be doing. If it had been the other way round and he'd had a surgical procedure I bet he'd expect you to be pulling your weight...

The passing of clots doesn't sound good OP, you've probably lost a fair amount of blood. I hope the GP takes bloods to make sure you aren't anaemic?

I hope you get to take it easy at your mothers. Otherwise you'll burn out :(

Justanothernameonthepage · 21/03/2017 11:41

Things like this is when you've discovered what kind of man you have. You've ended up with an insensitive, uncaring and selfish one. I do hope you've got other support or the ability to hire help for the next couple of weeks.

Topseyt · 21/03/2017 13:04

I am not sure that this man did take the time off to support and look after you and your child. I think he took it as a holiday so that he could play on his xbox.

He is a total arsewipe. Consider kicking him into touch.

I hope you feel better soon. It won't be any thanks to him though.

Original poster
Chickendipper12 · 21/03/2017 17:04

Hello lovely ladies.

Thank you for all your support. I rang mil who came and watches the kids for me while I went to the doctors got myself a water and chest infection =(.
He doesnt seem overly concerned about the clots and is happy nothing seems to be of any major concerns. But has booked me. In for a follow up at the local womens hospital next week to make sure everything js how it is.

Came back home to a very apologetic dh who had be royally told by his mother haha. Iv told him if he ever falls asleep while watching the children or even thinks about picking up an xbox pad for the next (apart for netflix) hell find his shit outside and the locks changed.
Hes tidied the house and even changed all the bedding! (I did it yesterday he clearly didnt notice but its the thought right?)

Like I said hes never like this I dont know what the hell has been wrong with him!
All I can think is maybe this whole situation is getting to him more then he wants to share?
Either that or he doesnt realise what a sahp does? ....

... im still so annoyed with him tho =/ more then anything for letting the baby roll off the sofa!

OP posts: