to not know what I'm supposed to do about a low sex drive?

[iloveuihateu]

This isn't a TAAT but more a thread inspired by a current thread which I've posted on already but don't want to derail.

I'm 34...I have a lovely DH whom I adore. We have a very affectionate relationship...holding hands, hugs, kisses, playfights,etc and tell each other how much we love each other all of the time --I know

We are newly married and have been together in total about 3 years. All is rosy except that I have no sex drive. Nothing. Zero.

Not just re: sex with DH but I don't feel the need at all and don't masturbate or think about other men. Nothing.

I used to (before DH) but think it's my medication...I can't stop taking it as I have bipolar. I've taken several different meds before which did not work and my psychiatrist has strongly advised me against changing as I am considered as being a high risk of relapse during the transition . I'm the main breadwinner and self employed so a breakdown would have serious consequences (homelessness!).

I've spoken to DH before and since we got married. He would like sex every day but understands my situation and says the rest of our relationship makes up for it.

However I get fairly terrified when I read all the other threads about this from the other perspective which say 'everyone deserves sex', 'you should walk away and find someone as life's too short not to have sex' etc etc.

AIBU to not try other things to find my sex drive? And if so what are these 'other things'?

I would be heartbroken if my DH decided one day he'd had enough and left...

pipsqueak25

It's not about having sex to "keep someone happy".

There is nothing wrong with sex or wanting sex. There is nothing wrong with NOT wanting sex in a relationship either. BUT relationships are voluntary and if people are unhappy, they may leave. So if you have a relationship that makes one person happy, and the other unhappy, you run the risk of a relationship breakdown.

The OP doesn't want her marriage to end so she is concerned about this mismatch.

no one has to live in a sexless marriage /relationship but you can live without penetration.

Maybe you can, I can't (and I'm a woman) and I won't. I personally believe that you only live once and I'm not interested in martyrdom. That's part of the reason so many people have mid life crises and marriages end, they get to 50, realize their life is half over and think, fuck 50 more years of this.

Is there nothing herbal to help with libido? I'm sure I remember reading an article on horny goat weed (lovely name )

Can't say I'm particularly into herbal stuff but it might be worth ago.

@Dowser (hope you don't mind the tag) knows a fair bit on supplements.

Pipsqueak...when I say 'no sex' I mean no sexual contact at all.

I have no interest in any kind of sexual contact at all. My zero libido doesn't stop at penetration...

How long have you been on the medication ilove?

Isetan...in answer to your questions...

We're your sex drives more equally matched before you were on the medication?
Yes, but that was only the first six months of our relationship. So he's moved in with me, proposed, planned a wedding while things have been how they are now (and we have spoken about it so he knows why)

I think it's wrong of you to to expect him to initiate, how's he supposed to know when you're in the mood?
That's quite easy. I am never, ever in the mood. I have zero libido and never want sexual contact.

I never reject him when he does initiate though (even though I'd rather be reading a book or sleeping).

If youre really worried schedule sex more frequently.

The issue isn't scheduling....I don't want to have sex due to my medication.

I've been on Venlafaxine now for just over 2 years or something like that.

Other than my libido issues it's been the best thing that's ever happened to me; it's given me the closest thing to a 'normal' life I've ever had...

For once I'd like them to make an anti-depressant that makes you slim and sexy instead of fat and asexual!

iwasjustabout

It is quite sad really but his money helps keep me safe in the private therapy he has paid for and carers and cleaners.

Plus what's the alternative, as a young woman I fell in to the hands of a shocking abuser. It's a real danger for me.

He has never ever laid a finger on me plus he puts up with my shenanigans when I'm manic. Imagine dealing with a person who tells you they hate you and then delights in describing really weird stuff that's in their head . I am utterly vile when I'm ill like a cat with a mouse I delight in mischief.

I was reading the thread also, and it made me feel awful too. I am in the same situation as you OP, however I'm not bipolar. I have two different hormonal imbalances, and they are both treated. However side effect of the conditions, and medication, both cause low libido. So for me I have absolutely no interest in sex, of any kind. I have spoke to the doctors several times who cannot help, and stoping medication wouldn't help, and would have severe consequences too. My DH also has a high sex drive, but understands and sadly accepts that it is me. Just want you to know that you are not alone, and as much as people say it's not normal or healthy - it's part of our life and we cannot change that. Also we are not alone, there are plenty of other women who feel like this