Posted a few times last year about my ex leaving me during a planned pregnancy this time last year and the subsequent grief that came from him and his family. We haven't spoken since April last year and he has never met my son, who is now five months old. November last year I received some messages from his sister, who has children, full of lies and digs at me. She wanted me to basically clear up her brother's mess and agree to supporting a relationship between my son and her own children and became angry with me when I asked obvious questions like how the hell she expected that to happen when her brother plays a seemingly active role in her children's lives but doesn't see his own son, playing uncle of the year basically, something which she denied despite all evidence to the contrary with claims that he hardly saw them, she thought he was an asshole etc, it all became very self pitying and accusatory so I just blocked her and haven't heard anything since.
Fast forward to last month. I've had them all blocked on social media and through any contactable means for a long time now but the odd thing will filter through along the grapevine or other people's accounts much to my annoyance; in this instance, I found out through a friend that one of my ex's sisters children had passed away from a short illness. Absolutely horrendous, I can't imagine anything worse and of course I felt beyond sympathy and sorrow for her; I cried for two nights just thinking about it but I've not been in contact because there isn't really a need for me to be, but my issue is this: my ex is once again playing the whole 'oh look what a nice guy I am' card and receiving so much kindness and good wishes and it makes me so angry. I don't mean to say that he wouldn't be hurting due to the circumstances because of course he would, but it's the fact that he has never shown a care or regard for his own child, something which mutual friends who have children don't seem to be bothered by which astounds me, and yet people are calling him wonderful because he shared a picture of the children or wrote something nice which gets shared a hundred times etc, and I'm just sitting there like he's an asshole and a deadbeat dad, how is nobody offended by this?! How can anybody think he's a good person when his sister's child has died and he still isn't bothered about his own? If it was my own brother, I would be beyond offended if he tried to offer me comfort or publicly displayed his grief over my child but had nothing to do with his own through his own choice. The hypocrisy makes my blood boil.
How all of that can happen and not actually move him to do something about it just makes me beyond disgusted; as a parent, I'm affected by the majority of things involving kids because it always resonates, and I just can't get my head around his side of things.
My question is aibu to feel as much anger as I do for him? Most days, it rarely crosses my mind but then I have the odd thought about it every so often and it just fills me with such intense anger. One day I'm going to have to explain to my son why he doesn't have a father and, while I'm actually relieved that we don't have to deal with such an apparently morally bankrupt individual, it still infuriates me that he is actually capable of doing all that he does and that my son is the one who will someday be affected by it. How do you explain to a child that his father wanted nothing to do with him but was perfectly happy to spend time on someone else's kids?
Sorry if this is long and I hope I haven't given the wrong impression to anyone.