To ask what your husband does?

[Idontneedanotherhero]

When I was pregnant with my DD (she's nearly 5) we agreed that I would do the housework (once I'd started maternity) and be a SAHP. He would work and bring in the money. Fast forward 5 years, we now have two children and a bigger house, I also work 12 hours a week. Anyway, DH does nothing. Literally nothing. Yes he works hard but from the moment he comes in from work, nothing. Lies on settee and falls asleep. Arghhh. He is not depressed. He just can't be arsed. Is this normal behavior?

Weekdays: rocks baby to sleep, some nappies, little things like making me tea or taking out the bin. That's about it. I do most of it, but I don't mind.
Weekends: we halve everything, he mostly cooks. He usually makes me breakfast etc. He doesn't tend to do intense cleaning but would if I asked.

If the deal was that DH brings in the money, why don't you keep yours to yourself?

That way you'll have a tidy cushion when you eventually LTB.

DH works full time and I work part time. I do around 1/3 of the hours he does.

I do most stuff around the house - cooking, washing up, clothes washing, cleaning.
He mows the lawn, does all the fixing jobs, does most of running DD around, picks up the dog poo, feeds the dogs and does most of the walking of them, puts the bins out, sorts the cars. He will happily hoover, clean the bathroom, unload the dishwasher, hang out washing on his days off if asked.
I guess he has more of the traditional man jobs and my jobs are a bit more repetitive and time consuming, generally. But he's certainly not lazy and the set up works for us.

That's the most important thing, I think. You both have to be happy that the division of labour is fair.

Yes, it's normal for entitled dickheads, of which there are a significant number.

It's not normal for decent people, who actually quite like their partners (never mind love them).

No need to tolerate it.

Thanks all! Time for a serous chat methinks!!

Our roles are reversed in that I work full time (60+ h a week) and DH works flexitime from home (managing a business we run - basically the admin, tax, communication side).

During the week I do virtually nothing house related, he does it all. School runs, laundry, dogs, play dates, ferrying DC to and from after school activities - he does all and more, and we have a cleaning lady who comes in for 3h a week. Some week nights I cook but often he will sort something for dinner too. And have my glass of wine poured when I text to say I'm on my way 😄

Weekends (unless I'm working) we split 50/50.

We both work full time and we both split the housework equally. However if one of us was only working 12 hours a week it would definitely not be an equal split - we discussed this. Partner with fewer working hours would do all housework/cooking and shopping & partner working full time would only help with child related things.

DH is a SAHD and does or manages everything.

I work FT and do very little other than spend time with DC. I don't wash/iron/Hoover/clean/make pack lunches or anything else.

TBH when one of you stays at home or works PT then I think it's reasonable they do most of the house related work.

I work PT on weekends and DP works full time, usually 10am-6pm but works away a few nights every other week.

We've got a 9m old so I'm struggling to keep up with the housework, laundry, cooking, meal planning, so stressful! I'm trying to wean him but I'm struggling at the moment.
I don't mind so much doing the cooking as I enjoy it but what gets to me is that not only does he not help with cleaning, but he actually creates the mess! Socks on floor, clean towels on the bathroom floor (makes me cringe and have to wash them!), cups left, doesn't sterilise the bottles when I'm working weekends, doesn't tidy up on weekends, only puts laundry on if he needs something washing and will only put a single item in I can feel my blood rising when I walk into the house after work! It's bizarre how he can go two full days without lifting a finger or putting stuff in the right place for my own sanity I try just get on with it and not get too angry or I just get a 'you're crazy' type response.

We both work full time, my commute is considerably longer. We share the care of DS, pick ups and drop offs, DH does most of the cooking and I do everything else except the bins. He would do more but it'd take him a few days to see that it needs doing.

Basically we just muddle though the working week. I'd love a cleaner and need to get around to finding one.

We both work ft, we share most chores although I tend to do most of the shopping and ironing. He does more cleaning. We share the childcare and dog walking etc.

Everything varies over time in our lives. At various points we have both worked, one worked while one was in uni, both were in uni, each of us was the sahp for a while when the other worked or was in school, and right now I'm off on sick leave while dh works. He is in the Navy and is gone for long stretches too.
All the way through , we both did our own best to do stuff around the house as well. Sometimes I couldn't do anything as I have been on before rest and very ill. Sometimes I do it all when he is at sea for months at at time. Sometimes the kids have to help at lot. There is no hard and fast solution

I'm on maternity leave and he works at least 50 hours a week. He does babies bath and a bottle on the first night wake. He starts tea while I feed baby and put to bed. He resettles baby numerous times in the night.

Chores wise he doesn't do lots, because he doesn't have much time. But he does the bins and loads the dishwasher after dinner. At the weekend he spends time with DS while I do the jobs I didn't get done in the week.