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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give her a plus one

36 replies

RoundKite · 19/03/2017 08:47

Even though her brother will get a plus one? I'm talking about wedding invites here. Is it rude to not give somebody in question a plus one but give her brother a plus one?

OP posts:
ChocolateSherberts2017 · 19/03/2017 08:49

Yes it is rude and will cause unnecessary drama between your guests. What is your reasoning behind your decision?

soundsystem · 19/03/2017 08:55

It depends. If the brother is married/in a long term relationship it would be rude not to invite his DW/DH/DP, so he'd get a plus one. Single people don't automatically get a plus one.

But if they're both in the same situation then YWBU to give one and not the other.

Original poster
RoundKite · 19/03/2017 08:56

Nobody likes the boyfriend of the girl, inviting this guy could cause a fight

OP posts:
Catsize · 19/03/2017 08:57

Who is 'her'?

tigermoll · 19/03/2017 08:57

We need more context. Is the brother someone you're much, much closer to than the sister?

Cheby · 19/03/2017 08:58

I think it's fine. You don't have to invite someone you dislike to a wedding. Just be prepared that you will probably fall out with the girl if you don't invite her partner, and she may not come either.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 19/03/2017 08:59

Could you speak to the brother and explain about his sister's partner and ask if he'd mind coming solo?

Original poster
RoundKite · 19/03/2017 09:03

I'm not close to brother or sister, it's my partners friends. He is very close to the sister and very close to the partner of the brother so can't not invite her. The sisters boyfriend is disliked by him and many people attending the wedding, a look in the wrong way from this guy would cause a fight for example.
My partner did say that the sister may not come without a plus one so that kind of makes it easier if she didn't on her own accord

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 19/03/2017 09:04

Best not to call it a plus one, but issue invitations to the named people you would like to attend. So Jane gets an invite for herself, Sam gets an invite addressed to him and Liz, who you are inviting because she is a friend of yours. If she isn't a mate of yours, and is a girlfriend rather than fiancée or long term live- in partner, then maybe in this scenario it would be better not to invite her anyway.
But don't feel pushed into inviting someone you don't like and think might cause a fight.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 19/03/2017 09:09

While i think it is rude to invite adults to weddings without a plus one, you can absolutely refuse to invite someone who is known to start fights! Have you seen this behaviour yourself?

So your husband is very friendly with both the women, but neither partner?

PollyBanana · 19/03/2017 09:14

I wouldn't invite the fight causing partner.
If your fiancé is that close to the sister, surely he can tell her that he really wants her at his wedding but he doesn't want a scene caused by her arsehole boyfriend.
It won't be news to her that her bf is a belligerent arse

WatchHowISoar · 19/03/2017 09:17

Don't invite him but if he's so close then he should be able to say 'I'd love you at my wedding but x isn't invited. I'm sorry but you know what he is like, I won't have him ruining the day with his behaviour.'

FetchezLaVache · 19/03/2017 09:24

Yes, what the above said. Don't invite him - the last thing you need is to be on edge, worrying about when (rather than whether) this pillock is going to kick off - and don't make up an excuse. Just be absolutely upfront and say he's not coming because of the extreme likelihood he will ruin your day.

MaeveTheRave · 19/03/2017 09:28

Delphinium has the answer.
Separate invitations to named people to their own addresses. If the couple you do want to invite (both) live in the same place, separate envelopes, one invitation each. Both invited in their own right.

Lynnm63 · 19/03/2017 09:29

We invited someone who was known to be prone to fights to our wedding, however we sat him on a table with several guys who wouldn't stand for his shit. He was at a table near the exit and the other guys said if he started he'd be out the door before he could blink. In the end the guy was on his best behaviour. He liked my mum so before the invite was issued I had a chat with him about his temper. I worded it that she'd be upset if he embarrassed her rather than saying I'd be upset.

sadsquid · 19/03/2017 09:31

Hang on, a 'look in the wrong way' from this guy will start a fight - who's actually going to kick off, him or other guests? Why's he so disliked?

Annesmyth123 · 19/03/2017 09:38

If a "look" from him will cause a fight that's nit really his fault is it?

Having said that, I'd do individual invites.

PollyBanana · 19/03/2017 09:43

If you really don't want him there, you have to proactively tell the sister that her boyfriend is NOT invited.
Just inviting her leaves space for them to assume that it's an oversight and reply "we'd love to come".
Rescinding an invite is much harder than explicitly not issuing one

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 19/03/2017 09:44

Why could it cause a fight? With who? Your partner?

PollyBanana · 19/03/2017 09:45

Yes, all the above is contrary to standard wedding etiquette, but kicking off at someone's wedding is a far worse breach of etiquette

pluck · 19/03/2017 10:15

What sort of fights?

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2017 10:19

Well I wouldn't be concerned about being rude about not giving a plus one, when you don't invite him the battle lines are clearly drawn it sends a clear and very loud message. You shouldn't invite someone you genuinely think will cause trouble so clearly you can't invite him, and it is what it is...

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 20/03/2017 06:45

What has the guy done for everyone to hate Him? And you ohrased it like people would start on him, not fhe otherbway round. Has your husband to be ever dated these women?

Astoria7974 · 20/03/2017 12:09

So you're saying your partner and his/her friends are bullies who can't handle being looked at this supposed friend's partner without causing a fight? I would personally not invite any of them

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 20/03/2017 12:11

Hire a doorman. .