to wonder how much you can put yourself before cracking? Partner depressed.

[welcometowonderland]

DH is depressed and has been for the last 6 months.
So as not to drip feed:
He's a survivor of physical and emotional abuse from an alcoholic parent. He's had counselling before and been on anti depressants. (neither right now ).

For the last few years he's struggled to get on top of his anger issues and to control his temper. Not easy when his useless father treated him terribly (hitting him, throwing bottles at him from the age of 8) and still insults him in a passive aggressive way although hasn't hit him since DH grew bigger then him.

These last 6 months have been hell.
DH calls me names. Belittles me. Criticizes almost everything I do.
Called me a stupid fucking bitch last night for forgetting to call the bank about a debt.
Repeatedly says he's not happy with me and threatens to leave me. Then changes his mind the next morning after I've cried myself to sleep.
Gets angry over tiny minor things. Calls me useless because I haven't made dinner.

Went to see Beauty and the Beast last night at the cinema. I was REALLY looking forward to it.
He moaned all the way there (it was raining, he didn't want to watch it, he didn't want to waste £7 on a cinema ticket, his back was hurting. ..blah blah. )
I snapped and said "Shut up!Seriously! "
He replied "Fuck off" threw some money at me and stormed off.
5 minutes later came back and walked with me to the cinema. I was crying.
Met our friends and watched the film.
Afterwards we walked home.
I asked him if he'd enjoyed it. "No not at all. It was a load of shit."
I started getting upset again and he yelled "just fuck off I'm leaving you tomorrow anyway. "

Cried all night, and this morning he's as nice as pie and acting like nothings happened.

He said today he's not leaving me.

I can't take this anymore. I suffer with depression and anxiety myself and this is making me ill.

I love him and I understand he's had a tough childhood with unresolved anger issues. I've supported him for years.
But I can't keep putting myself through this.

WWYD.

I highly doubt it. You may well feel guilty because he's ill but the fact is, he is choosing to do nothing about it. He has the first step to getting better right there in his hand (his prescription) yet he refuses to get the meds, despite knowing what he is putting you through. Have you ever given him any ultimatums about his behaviour in the past?

I think you'd feel really relieved if you left

I work in mental health. The behaviour you describe is not solely attributable to a mental illness, he is making a choice when he is abusive. He may find relationships difficult but this does not justify his attitude to you, can he interact with others ? I presume he has a diagnosis of a personality disorder.

He sounds awful.

Poor MH is not an excuse to be abusive. I have been horribly depressed for the last few years and I have never spoken harshly to my kids or DH because of it.

Adults who respect each other do not scream and shout and namecall. It really depresses me how many people think this is normal.

Dd told me earlier that her best friend (they are 13) told her that if your parents don't row all the time they don't love each other. She was worried that meant me and her dad are in trouble. It's fucked up.