AIBU to be feeling so trapped?

[sharksscareme]

This morning, I was meant to be at work but rang in sick. I feel really quite panicky at things a lot of the time right now and I feel very, very trapped.

I hate where I live. I have really awful memories, connected with schooldays - I hate moaning about bullying but sometimes I do feel as if I'm having to relive it all through living so close to people who once made my life hell - to problems with my own family and being thrown out, made homeless and so on. I would like to move, but where we live is pretty cheap and I'm just not sure if we could afford somewhere else and find jobs.

I want a baby but am also terrified of being a really awful mum. I have a horrendous 'history' and I'm sure if I shared even half of it people would say I shouldn't have a child. But I want to experience being a parent so much.

I just feel like I'm trapped in my job, my home, my life.

Have you ever considered, or had, counselling? Maybe help to resolve and overcome the issues you have from childhood?
Do you perhaps suffer from anxiety and depression?
I'd suggest seeing your GP who can refer you for counselling and offer help and support.
Have you spoken to your partner about how you are feeling?

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling trapped, it's a horrible way to feel.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I agree with purple83 that you need to address some of these past issues to help you feel better, so GP is probably the best place to start. There are lots of free apps/stuff online to help here and now - mindfulness, meditation, etc. Library have lots of self help books, maybe search online support groups for people who have experienced bullying or other childhood difficulties, who may be able to point you in the direction of more help. 💐