to be narked at family who only contact you when they want something?

[TheTurnOfTheScrew]

NOT financial BTW - my sister is considerably richer than me.

However, she only contacts me when she wants a favour.
This week's example. Missed my DC's birthday - no card, no text.
Texts me this morning. "think I missed DC's birthday. Anyway would like to talk to your DH about XYZ (a matter in which DH has professional experience). Can your DH ring us tomorrow?"

We have never met my sister's husband, and were not invited to the wedding, although our other sibling was. Sister has never been to the house we've lived in for almost a decade. Admittedly we are 200miles away, but have visited her probably every other year.

DH has no intention of talking to this bloke, and I don't blame him. But equally I have no appetite for a row. I don't really know where the AIBU is in this one, but my sister has pissed me off before 9 o'clock, which IMO is a hanging offence in its own right.

I cannot believe the nerve of your sister. But it hurts. My brother hasn't seen my new house twenty minutes away and we are here s year and a half.

Tell BIL to call DH in the office, "like everyone else"?

Seriously OP, if you called her out on her shit what's the worst she could do, not invite you to her wedding? Oh no, she already did that. People with brass necks need others to polish them.

Why is lying and making excuses preferable to telling her that you will invest just as much in your relationship as she does?

Look you are too nice to her, treat them how they treat you. They sound awful.

I wouldn't have replied at all, and I certainly wouldn't have given her the option to speak to DH at an alternative time either.

OP, you don't owe your sister anything. It doesn't sound as though she's ever given you anything (except grief). She didn't even give you an invitation to her wedding! Her DH has a gall ringing a complete stranger (your DH) for a favour. I'm sure your DH isn't the only person in the entire country capable of performing whatever service it is that they're after. If they're too cheap to actually pay for the service, then tough luck, they can go without.

I think you might be hoping that if you come running when she throws you a few crumbs that eventually you'll end up with a normal sibling relationship. Unfortunately that's not going to happen. It's not going to cause a row if you drop the rope and let her fade out of your life. All it will mean is that you won't be called whenever she wants something.

Plus if your DH doesn't want to speak to them that's fair enough. They don't deserve your help. You can't change how other people behave only the way you respond to them. You don't need to be overly aggressive or anything to her just keep saying no, that doesn't work for you and you are busy. You are worth way more than being treated like this.

So you weren't important enough to her to be invited to her wedding.

Your child wasn't important enough to be remembered

Not important enough even for "I'm sorry, it's late but present is on its way"

But she wants you to drop everything and ring her h.

So she is commanding you to call?

Fuck that!

Why did you even text her back? If she wants something, make her ask, let her grovel and then say no, not convenient.

I don't know why you were so apologetic in your response ?!?! Just tell her to contact DH at work, make it clear there'll be no mates rates favours.

I know this feeling, I wish my DH would just brush them off politely rather than help tbh. I live in hope!

I wouldn't have texted back to be honest, for all she knew you could have been on a round the world vacation or even moved house, changed phone provider etc

Sadly I have a friend like this, I too now only give what I receive, so that isn't much anymore

"I'm sorry sis, we're far too busy with people who place us higher up their priority list than you and your h do, have you tried googling for someone?"

I'd have just replied saying here's DH's work number-feel free to ring him.