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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend snubbing me - my DP keeps liking all her facebook posts - AIBU to not want that?

39 replies

economydrivegirl · 17/03/2017 21:36

I'm a little embarrassed. We had no falling out, obviously she wants to distance herself and that's okay. I've tried quite a few times now to get together and got a mix of silence and chilly responses. Hey ho, people grow apart.

My DP met this friend once and we all appeared to get on. Friend added DP on facebook.

AIBU to ask my DP to not like her posts so much? I'm hesitant about making a request like that in one way, but in another I think it makes me look like I'm trying to chase after her/ stay chummy via my partner?

I just want a dignified retreat now. I'm quite hurt, have no idea what happened.

AIBU though? I'm pre menstrual so prepared to accept I may be Blush

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/03/2017 21:38

What difference does it make to you if he likes something on FB?! Confused

Algebraic · 17/03/2017 21:38

Wouldn't say unreasonable... more sensitive?

hiphopthehip · 17/03/2017 21:39

Really? Hmm

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 17/03/2017 21:41

Are you 12 ?

Original poster
economydrivegirl · 17/03/2017 21:41

Well, it doesn't exactly make a difference to me, no. But I think if I was backing away from somebody and their partner was obviously reading my posts...I dunno I'd find that a bit odd. As if they weren't getting the message and letting go?

My partner met this mate once, they don't have any independent friendship, and knows I'm hurt by this.

OP posts:
finagler · 17/03/2017 21:42

I would hate it!

Knifegrinder · 17/03/2017 21:42

Yanbu. That's playground 'If you want to be my friend, you can't talk to Smelly Susan any more' stuff.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/03/2017 21:43

Oh no, don't do that.

If she is snubbing you, you need to make it clear that you have no interest in her whatsoever and really couldn't care what response your DH is giving her.

Original poster
economydrivegirl · 17/03/2017 21:44

So you'd all be fine with your partner being pally with a friend of yours who suddenly started being cool towards you?

Ok, just me, like I say I'm prepared to face my own unreasonable-ness here!

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 17/03/2017 21:45

I think simply knowing that it hurts you means he shouldn't. I would want to know what's up with the ex friend though, do you have any mutual friends you could ask? How long were you friends?

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 17/03/2017 21:47

FB politics!

Original poster
economydrivegirl · 17/03/2017 21:49

We were friends for 12 years. Really was not expecting this, ever. And as I've said, we had no argument or row or big clash of opinions. I'm baffled, and have asked if things were ok. Always told yes fine, she's just busy, or isn't celebrating a birthday etc. However has plenty of time for other friends and I don't get asked along anymore, in addition to having my invitations turned down.

I get that we sometimes outgrow friends and I think she must feel she has outgrown me. Which is totally fine. Just hurtful for me at the moment until I move on!

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 17/03/2017 21:50

You should ask him not to do it and explain that you find it upsetting and a bit weird. I am friendly with a few people irl that my husband doesn't like so i just don't mention them to him. I don't lie to him i just don't rub his nose in it.

Knifegrinder · 17/03/2017 21:52

DH gets to make his own call about who he spends time with, but I can't honestly get excited either way about someone clicking a button on FB, possibly without taking the slightest notice of what it is. It's hardly a conscious declaration of solidarity, or a friendship.

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 17/03/2017 21:54

I'm 100% with you on this op. Tell him to stop ffs

Allthebestnamesareused · 17/03/2017 21:54

Maybe she's avoiding you because she finds it weird that your husband is liking all her posts and it makes her feel uncomfortable.

tobermory29 · 17/03/2017 21:59

Or maybe they are having an affair! Yanbu!

RandomMess · 17/03/2017 22:10

See I think your DP fancies her, perhaps he has flirted with her and she is creating distance...

rollonthesummer · 17/03/2017 22:12

My first thought was that she has been having an affair with your husband and is too embarrassed to speak to you.

I expect I've read too many shite books recently though Grin

TheRealPooTroll · 17/03/2017 22:16

If your dp knows she's binned you off and has upset you I'd be a bit perplexed by the Facebook arse kissing as well.
I wouldn't ask him to stop but I'd think he was being a dick. Unless he just likes everything everyone posts which would actually still make me think he was a dick

GallivantingWildebeest · 17/03/2017 22:22

Hm, sounds like your dh fancies her. My dh isn't on FB and would have no interest in the random stuff my friends post...

If he knows that she's snubbing you
He's only met her once
Yet he's liking all her FB posts?

Doesn't sit well with me.

I'd ask him straight to defriend her. He's met her once! They're not friends...

GoodEnough1 · 17/03/2017 22:24

Don't follow either of them on FB then you won't know who is liking what. Stops being your problem then. But no you are NOT BU especially if DP knows you are hurt. Horrible when a friend does this but it happens and you mustn't let it knock your self esterm' it almost always says more about them than you.

GoodEnough1 · 17/03/2017 22:27

Oh and also have a therapeutic FB purge, only have friends as friends. Ditch the rest. Bit of a challenge I know!

mumofthemonsters808 · 17/03/2017 22:28

Umh, I don't like men, who constantly like other females posts, so this would wreck my head. Ive been told many times I'm unreasonable, but I'm not backing down on this one, I find it inappropriate. I'm going to say in your case, your friend is withdrawing from you because your DP has a vested interest in her. I hope I'm wrong.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 17/03/2017 22:29

What is it on here that feelings are forbidden. Hence are 12. You can certainly be too old for a lot of things, but being peeved is not one of them.
I'm going to honest. I wouldn't like it.