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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to change my outlook

17 replies

Workingmummy19 · 17/03/2017 16:57

At first I thought I was just like this with my ex partner because I realised I didn't love him.
However, a year and a half into my new relationship with a guy who I am certain is 'the one', I'm worried as I have gone back to my old ways.

I am awful, just plain nasty. If he does anything wrong or forgets something, e.g. Forgetting to bring the yoghurts to work (we work at the same place but in different departments and on different shifts mainly) I take this stance of, ffs I ask you to do one thing. You may think, ahh he's just a guy, they are useless, but he's not, he's amazing. If he's done the hoovering I feel the need to do it again, or just be mardy because I haven't done it myself and so I don't feel it's been done properly. He txt the other night 20 minutes before I was due to leave work saying, right what do I do with this chicken for tea, and I got mardy with him because he had cut it a bit fine. I'm an awful person and I can't stop myself. The first 6 months of the relationship were so amazing, and he's been amazing ever since, we argue about how I am and he says well, I love you and I will just deal with how you are because you are the one for me, but I don't want him to just deal with how I am, he doesn't deserve my attitude. How do I stop being this heartless, disrespectful, cold bitch! I've been the same for years and I'm so scared that I will lose him. I want to change but days later after trying to keep my negative feelings to myself, nasty condescending me comes back out.

Please be honest, i fear he may get bored of my shit and leave.

OP posts:

han1984 · 17/03/2017 17:04

What do you think makes you be nasty to him? Do you do the same with friends?

I tend to become a bitch when I'm stressed or tired...how you feeling?

user1483981877 · 17/03/2017 17:20

Perhaps you could do with a therapist to vent that bitchy stuff too so you will stop venting at him. He isn't your punch bag, and one day he may chose not to listen to it anymore.

RebelRogue · 17/03/2017 17:22

Are you like this with other people too?

Original poster

Workingmummy19 · 17/03/2017 17:33

Well this is it, I don't think it's due to tiredness, I think it's just how I am and I hate it so much. I don't really have friends, just work colleagues that we occasionally go out with, but I have a huge family and I am never like that with any of them. I used to have a short temper with dd but that was due to PND and that has decreased dramatically now she is 5yrs old. It's like I don't respect him or his opinions, but I do, I love him. Our relationship is great in every way apart from a few days a week when I just turn into this awful person when something happens that doesn't suit me

OP posts:

CatoSoup · 17/03/2017 17:47

I was like with with my OH when I was in uni, really an awful cow to him. I eventually sought counselling and it turned out I was really depressed but didn't realise, and it was being exacerbated by the hormonal birth control I was on. Maybe a few options to look at? I can't speak highly enough of the counsellor who helped me through it (and me and OH are still together!)

Original poster

Workingmummy19 · 17/03/2017 18:02

CatoSoup, that's interesting, I have been on the Ovrenette pill since I was 15. I wonder if that has something to do with it. Obviously I cannot blame it all on that though without having hard facts. Maybe it's something I can look into.

OP posts:

OpalMoon · 17/03/2017 18:04

As said before, tired, stressed, maybe depressed.
It sounds like something is making you unhappy and you're lashing out at the one peron you feel safe with but because you can't figure out the cause you have fell in a rut.

I think the suggestions of counselling are the way forward.

QuiteLikely5 · 17/03/2017 18:08

You're bordering on abusive imo. Mrs nice Mrs nasty???

Of course he will run if you don't sort yourself out!!!

Have a close look at your parents - it's likely you learned this from them

Meekonsandwich · 17/03/2017 18:22

Okay honestly if your dpfeels like he can't doanything right and like he's walking in egg shells around you that is emotional abuse. It's good you've realised there's a pattern, now you need to do something about it. Look for councillors or therapists to get to the root cause of your irrational anger, your gp can recommend them also while you're there ask if you could be depressed. Depression has a wide range of symptoms and anger or emotional instability is one.

EZA15 · 17/03/2017 18:24

Oh do fuck off quitelikely - "its likely you learned this from them"?! My parents are shit but I don't have issues. Similarly, there are instances where two people can be perfectly nice and end up with a prat for a child. You don't know anything about op's parents, so stop being so judgemental

Misssss · 17/03/2017 18:27

Change your contraceptive. Certain types (cerazette) make me crazy. Moody, argumentative, pessimistic and tearful. It's worth a try x

Wando1986 · 17/03/2017 18:30

When people act out like that it normally means they're unhappy in/with themselves. You need to fix that before you can change your outward behaviour for good.

museumum · 17/03/2017 18:30

Are you trying to push him away? Or "test" him? It sounds like you don't want to be happy or don't think you deserve to be loved.
TBH it does sound like you have buried issues you need to get out. I doubt the NHS will help with this - can you afford private? If not maybe try looking for self help books?

Wando1986 · 17/03/2017 18:31

Oh also, following your update OP, we had to have an intervention for my sister and also one of my close friends over a few years because the pill they were on turned them absolutely nuts.

Batgrrrl · 17/03/2017 18:37

I am exactly like this, I get so angry when he doesn't get things right or forgets things I just think OMG YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT ME! To be fair DP is usually quite selfish though. I do over react though and I feel like every time he does something like just shove the washing on the radiator all screwed up he is just saying 'I don't really give a fuck about you' I feel like I'm always nagging or holding myself back from nagging but I just really feel like he doesn't care about me.

Original poster

Workingmummy19 · 17/03/2017 19:23

Definitely not a problem caused by my parents, they aren't together but have been great parents and we have no common anger issues or anything like that. I don't feel at all like I am depressed, I am generally a happy person, I've been depressed before and there is absolutely nothing in my life to be depressed about. I am slightly overweight 12.7 stone and 5ft5, I could lose some if I could be bothered, just love food! I think maybe self help books is a good idea and I will certainly go to the doctor to discuss my combined pill that I am on. I could afford going private for therapy, I'm just not sure that is the route I would like to take, but if push comes to shove then I think I will have to bite the bullet.

OP posts:

Confused59 · 17/03/2017 19:42

It could well be linked to the PND as a hormonal imbalance . Look up Dr John Studd has done tremendous work with hormone imbalances

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