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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Foolish move on my part but who's BU?

77 replies

Mummybear8 · 17/03/2017 16:46

Parked my car in a car park to local shops on way to school run. Nipped in for one thing which took 2 minutes. Left my 18mo in the front seat, half asleep, strapped in, doors locked. Car within my view, due to large glass window at front of shop/till area. Come back to a man and a woman stood outside my car taking pictures of my car, my baby inside it and taking down my reg. He then proceeds to lay in to me about how dangerous it is leaving a child in the car, he's reporting me, I'm disgusting, can't I see what I've done etc.
I know that I probably should not have left my sleepy baby in the car and that it was a stupid thing to do and obviously won't be doing it again after this incident, I am bloody beside myself and petrified I'm going to be in trouble with the SS. I have been furiously googling and, whilst I'm yet to find any info saying it's actually illegal to leave a child in a car unattended (however foolish it was to do it, please go ahead and prove me wrong if I am and it is illegal), it is illegal to take pictures of other peoples children.
On the same note, what do you do when you're getting petrol? Do you leave your kids in your locked car on the forecourt whilst you run in and pay or take your child in every time?
Thank you

OP posts:

Factorysettings · 17/03/2017 17:43

The Replacement? People are hysterical. Are we all meant to dance to the tune of the most cautious person now? Great.

I don't leave my baby where I wouldn't leave my handbag

Yeah, I tried explaining this to the air stewardess when I put my baby in the overhead locker.

SoulAccount · 17/03/2017 17:45

If I saw an unaccompanied child in a car outside a shop, I would keep watch and make sure the parent returned quickly. At 5 mins I would probably go into the shop and ask if the parent was in there.

If an adult sees an unaccompanied baby, they have, IMO, a moral duty of care to check that all is ok.

But once the parent returned within 2 or 3 mins I would just go. I wouldn't be reporting etc.

But you need to be strictly honest with yourself: the man said 5 and he had arrived after you went into the shop. And you didn't see him all the time you were in the shop.

chloesmumtoo · 17/03/2017 17:50

Yes, I agree SoulAccount. I would be concerned about seeing a baby in a car alone and would defo be watching for babies safety. I don't blame the couple for being concerned either. Just the way it was handled.

Dagnabit · 17/03/2017 18:00

Factory settings

I, sometimes, leave my bag in the car, hidden out of view along with my children

AshesandDust · 17/03/2017 18:04

Don't worry about it.
Before cars babies were left outside shops in their prams

AshesandDust · 17/03/2017 18:05

*Before cars were commonplace.

SquatBetty · 17/03/2017 18:10

You did nothing wrong OP. I would have done exactly the same as you as long as I had a clear view of the car (which you said you did have). I always leave my DS in the car when I pay for petrol, mind you I usually use the same petrol station each time where I can clearly see my car as I'm paying.

GoodnightSeattle · 17/03/2017 18:13

You don't say in your OP whether you were getting petrol, you just said shops?

I wouldn't leave a kid in a car if I was going into a shop even for a minute personally, you can't see them.

I would if it was paying for petrol because they have big windows generally so you can see out and as long as there isn't a queue you know you will literally be one or two minutes.

I would have been concerned also if I'd been the couple. I just would have stood by the car to make sure someone came back in a reasonable time, probably wouldn't have said anything unless it was an excessively long time.

And I'm sure it goes without saying but obviously never leave a kid alone in a car on a hot day in any circumstances for any length of time.

dowhatnow · 17/03/2017 18:16

I've done it before when the car has been in sight, so have many people. Don't worry.

Shenanagins · 17/03/2017 18:20

factorysettings that made me laugh!

Op I wouldn't worry about it, I've done it as has many others. Social services will not be remotely interested in this.

Original poster

Mummybear8 · 17/03/2017 18:28

Thank you all for the responses, especially factorysettings, I needed a laugh. Now...I'll just be off to make the kids tea - pot noodle a la monster much obviously because I'm such a neglectful witch 😂

OP posts:

Auspiciouspanda · 17/03/2017 18:34

Sorry for daily mail link but I remembered an article that was similar to this

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2846183/Father-left-sick-toddler-daughter-car-outside-chemist-ran-buy-Calpol-charged-NEGLECT-spend-year-trying-clear-name.html

littlejeopardy · 17/03/2017 18:34

I wouldn't leave my baby in the car and it does make me nervous if my friends do it but I think threatening to call SS is an over reaction.

Klaphat · 17/03/2017 18:39

Before cars babies were left outside shops in their prams

Still are here! Outside shops, restaurants, in back gardens (including communal ones shared between hundreds of flats). Someone who was new here posted in the expat group on Facebook that he could see a baby in a pram in the communal garden, unattended, and was really worried and wondered who to call - it caused lots of amusement and prompted a (kind) crash course in Scandinavian child-raising practices.

thebear1 · 17/03/2017 18:45

I would not leave a baby in the car but only because I have read so many of these types of threads I worry I would come back to the situation op described. I don't think you did anything wrong op and doubt SS would be interested.

Crumbs1 · 17/03/2017 19:48

Hah, neurosis central. What's going to happen? How likely is worst case scenario? Ridiculously overcautious. "A car could crash into it" yes true, but then the roof of your house could collapse. Mine sat happily in pram outside shops for ages being coo'd at by old ladies.
In my opinion it's more negligent to bring children up to be constantly fearful and to see evil and danger at every turn. No wonder we have an increase in mental health problems.

apotheke · 17/03/2017 20:02

Honestly, the part of your post that jumped out at me most was that your 18month old was in the front seat? Unless you drive a 2 seater, a van or have 2+ younger kids in the back seat and no more space, then why on earth are they in the front?

That aside. I do occasionally leave a sleeping toddler in the back seat for under 2 min but only when I can literally park in front of the shop front and see the car at all times. ie at a specific local pharmacy and petrol station. A car park would concern me but it's all down to the lay out. Could you see your car from shop. At the end of the day it is clearly not neglect and those passers by's reaction seems extremely OTT.

witsender · 17/03/2017 20:09

Well, I'd happily leave both my baby and my handbag in that scenario tbh, and do, regularly. They're not babies any more however at 6 and 4!

acquiescence · 17/03/2017 20:31

Poor you, sounds like a stressful and unnecessary experience. Personally I don't think you did anything wrong. I thought 'the replacement' storyline was totally ott and unrealistic.

user1487070016 · 17/03/2017 20:35

Well I feel bad - I always leave my (sleeping) LO alone in the car if I'm just popping in somewhere. I never take him out when paying for petrol (awake or not) and wouldn't consider it. The only thing I do is lock the car and if it was warm I'd leave the window open. As long as you aren't too long then worst that's likely to happen is the situation OP found yourself in - some busybodies being a PITA: treat them accordingly.

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2017 21:41

I don't understand, if you could see your child and you were only two mins, how did you not see these people approaching your car, how did you not see they were waiting there for five mins , how did you come back to just find them there as you state?

I don't need to know the answer. However you probably need to be honest with yourself in terms of how long you were and what you could see as your story doesn't stack up. Sorry op. But it doesn't.

Trainspotting1984 · 17/03/2017 21:50

Great post crumbs

supermoon100 · 17/03/2017 21:55

Leaving a child in a locked car for 2/5 minutes is surely ok? They are safe because the car is locked. No-one can get to them?! I was confused by that scene in the replacement where she got done for leaving her child in the locked car. I thought if the child was in your eyeline then it was ok? Where's the harm?

JaniceBattersby · 17/03/2017 22:00

How many children do you see in petrolstation shops with their parents?

Close to zero. This is because sensible people leave their children in the car while they go into the shop. I had four children. Am I really going to unstrap all the kids, get the buggy out, put the baby in it, hold the hands of the two toddlers and make the eldest (6) hold the side of the pram while I walk five metres into the shop? Then do it all in reverse to get them back in again?

No. That would be stupid.

I leave them safely strapped in while I pay for my bread and milk and I don't think twice about it.

JaniceBattersby · 17/03/2017 22:02

have four children. I've not lost any of them due to neglectful parenting yet

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