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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they'd have changed their plans for us?

37 replies

MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 13:03

Okay, I'm expecting to be told I am being massively unreasonable as I would never be one to change plans with someone, for something/someone else.

Okay.
Pil are visiting for a few days. They're staying locally but not with us. We've not seen them since Christmas. We have 2 dc who are 7&3 who they dote on. We saw them day before yesterday and they go tomorrow.

Sil (Pil dd), also happens to be in the area on holiday, they come to this area alot, since way before we moved here a couple yrs ago. So although their intention wasn't to visit us specifically we have met up with them a couple of times as we also haven't seen them since christmas and they have a ds who is 2 so was nice to get the cousins together. They're here until sunday and we don't plan on seeing them again.
Pil & Sil live 10mins away from each other, pil look after their ds twice a week.
I text mil this morning to ask if they wanted to come round this afternoon when dd has finished school (she's part time). But she text back saying that she would have loved to but sil had texted her earlier to arrange meeting them for lunch! We can't go as dd hasn't finished school yet and then we need to be back for ds at 3, then ds has a swimming event this evening.

I'm a bit put out that they haven't arranged to meet us, and wondering why they've decided to meet up with sil who they see every day!

OP posts:
Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 15:42

minnie both dh & I were working yesterday and pil didn't want to bother us in the evening or change the kid's childcare plans... we offered to cook dinner & would have been happy for them to look after dc after school.
I think they have a problem with feeling like they're imposing, when they're not.

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mouldycheesefan · 17/03/2017 15:45

But if they are Meeting sil for lunch they are still free to meet you in afternoon. I'm not seeing problem.

diddl · 17/03/2017 15:48

Well if the purpose of the visit was childcare then perhaps they thought that also seeing you at all was a bonus?

Lunch doesn't always mean that you can't also see someone else in the afternoon though?

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2017 15:51

I think you're being a tad unreasonable too. For the simple reason even as they live close and see each other often I'd guess that is seldom going out for lunch together. Even if it is, they can't just drop the plan once it's agreed because they want to spend time with you instead. That would be quite rude to your sister in law. You were invited to join, you can't, end of.

Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 15:55

I guess I just figured that as they had planned to visit us, and they see sil and her ds all the time, that they'd have kept free their day to see us.
If sil wasn't here they would have come round this morning. But Inguess they felt that once sil had asked the to lunch they couldn't say no.

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Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 15:57

Yes it would be blunt which is why I completely understand that I am being U.

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NataliaOsipova · 17/03/2017 15:59

My MIL wouldn't come and be in our wedding photos (which we were having done before the ceremony) because she'd arranged to meet SIL in the hotel they were both staying in. People still ask why only my family are in them....I just shrug. Leave them to it and do what you want to go with the day.

BertrandRussell · 17/03/2017 16:01

Why didn't you ask them to the swimming event?

Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 16:43

mouldy we have a swimming event, which starts in a bit. They knew about it, and I'd offered for them to come but they didn't want to impose in our routine. I didn't want to cancel it as it's not just a lesson it's something ds has been excited about.
bluntness mil & sil have linch together with ds every friday. So she looks after him one day a week, one evening a week and spends most of friday with them at lunch & playgroup.
We have neither gp near us so have no idea what it must be like having that much help on hand.
It was our choice not to be in the areas our dp are in, but that's not the issue. I just don't understand why they've chosen to see sil at all.

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Justanothergame · 17/03/2017 16:45

Going against the grain here. I think sil was being v unreasonable inviting them out for lunch when she knew pIl can't see you that often. Especially as they can't stay for the weekend because they are looking after her dc. It annoys me when people who already get the most attention/support etc hijack it when it's the other person's turn. YANBU.

Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 16:53

Yeah natalia dh isn't that close to his parents. He moved away when he was 16 and has had very little to do with them until dc came along. Now we see them about 4 times a year. So naturally they are closer to sil. Maybe they just feels more comfortable with them. But they absolutely dote & love our dc.

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Original poster
MeNeedSleep · 17/03/2017 16:55

That's the thing just it made me feel less unreasonable to ask pil to change their plans as surely sil would understand, but then I didn't want to ask as it is unreasonable in mo sother situation

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