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Original poster

to not know how to forgive myself?(Trigger Warning!)

42 replies

BCGRMDP · 16/03/2017 23:08

My son is the product of my ex partner raping me, day in day out. Icdont know how I will ever get past the guilt, I need some help. I have an older dc who has been through hell too

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 18/03/2017 11:24

Rape Crisis

They offer specialist support for rape survivors, no matter how long ago the actual attack happened.

If you are in Scotland there is a separate site.

Original poster
BCGRMDP · 18/03/2017 16:32

i dont mind going to the gp to show im addressing the problems but i want all the other support workers to back off a bit but im worried im playing with fire in terms of social services. i dont want to get reliant on the help as i know it is only short term and then what...

OP posts:
ToFillingOrNotToFilling · 18/03/2017 18:18

Op, the whole point in getting help is that you won't need it by the time you've finished! It's a sort of re-training of the brain. Whenever you think "I can't" you'll start to slowly replace it with "maybe I can" and eventually "of course I can!". It's probably hard to believe now, but that's because you're not there yet. It's like we furrow ourselves a ditch that we are so used to walking in that we forget (or just don't realise) that there are different roads to travel instead. It's only when you slowly change direction - one step at a time - that you soon realise you've furrowed a different path instead, and that one has become automatic, much better, thinking/feeling for you.

Every time you feel hopeless or overwhelmed tell yourself it won't always be like this. Because that's the truth of the matter. If we entertain negative thoughts about the future we can soon believe them as truth when they're not. The past you can't change but the future you can.

TheElephantofSurprise · 18/03/2017 18:21

Get counselling for yourself now and ongoing and for the children as soon as you can. It will help.

CheshireChat · 18/03/2017 19:36

OP, I can understand why you're not keen on relying completely on your support workers, but look at it differently- you rely on them now because you need their help, but if you accept it now you might not need it in the future.

Hope you feel better soon.

strugglingstepdad · 18/03/2017 19:43

Definitely get the counselling!!

I'm in your DC's place as my mother was abused by her stepfather creating me.

I've known since I was about 12-13 what had happened.

My mum is still not right. Will be on AD's for the rest of her life. But talking with someone really really helped her.

Original poster
BCGRMDP · 20/03/2017 23:18

im struggling so badly :( i have my baby boy in my arms and every timr i look at him i replay what happened

OP posts:
Fatbird71 · 21/03/2017 00:43

Have you got a friend you can call to talk to, or just some extra company? Or can you call one of the support lines others have suggested?

I know it is a struggle now but I'm sure it will get better in time. Don't worry about becoming over reliant on the support that you have. If you need it, use it.
Sorry I can't offer anything more sensible but I hate the idea of you trying to cope with this on your own.....

embo1 · 21/03/2017 00:53

He is NOTHING like his dad and never will be because you will teach him right from wrong.
So so glad he's your ex.
Not sure what you need to forgive yourself for... You have done nothing wrong

Original poster
BCGRMDP · 21/03/2017 00:54

the problem with the support lines is tjat i have been forced a few times to go through my story to people that have to know like police and SS that i think telling it again may break me.

as for a friend or some company no i havent.

i have a gp appointment thursday, i think i need to bring it forward and tried last week to get it brought forward but dont know how to get one as an urgent case or if it would be considered nevessary when thursday is only a few days away.

OP posts:
Fatbird71 · 21/03/2017 09:07

Ring the dr and say that it is an emergency for today. It has to be worth a try. As a backstop you do have the appt tomorrow if they can't fit you in today.

Fatbird71 · 21/03/2017 09:07

Sorry, Thursday .

Original poster
BCGRMDP · 23/03/2017 20:35

been referred to a perinatal MH team, my depression is ckassed as severe and go suspects ptsd as well

OP posts:
Etymology23 · 23/03/2017 20:41

All my love Op, I hope you can get the help you need and deserve. You sound like you are very strong to be dealing with this as you are.

amysmummy12345 · 23/03/2017 20:45

Its good that you've been to GP and can start to address what's happened to you and your dc, take baby steps Flowers

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 23/03/2017 20:47

Those children are 50% your nature and 100% your nurture, they are not carbon copies of their fathers.

On top of that, they are individuals with their own experiences yet to come, and in time they will be great sources of love and strength for you Flowers

harderandharder2breathe · 23/03/2017 20:59

I'm glad you went to your GP Flowers you've done nothing that needs forgiveness.

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