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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU that this isn't sitting right with me? (School related)

45 replies

upsidedownfrown · 16/03/2017 16:55

Just need some perspective. Be gentle. Long time lurker, very rarely post but a situation at my daughters school today has made me feel uneasy. Im not sure if it's just me being awkward though!

My daughter is 7, in y3. She has teacher cover her class every Thursday so her main teacher has a day of planning time. This is the same across all years. I also work in the school in a support role.

Dd had a literacy lesson which was to write a certain amount of words, creative writing, with a picture on the board as inspiration. It was star wars, so she had no clue what to write and only wrote about 2 lines. Fair enough, not great. So at lunchtime she found me and said that her teacher said she had to go straight in for lunch (the years take it in turns so it wasn't y3 turn yet) and then report to a y5 classroom to go finish her work. She was a bit upset as generally literacy is her stronger subject but I told her no, I wasn't going to question it. She didn't do her work and she needed to do it as her teacher said. So she ate her packed lunch and off she went. A bit teary eyed but still, she went. She came to find me again to let me know she had finished. This was 15mins before end of lunch. Not much time to play but that's not what im annoyed about.

At end of the day, I popped in to classroom to check... had she been messing about, faffing? To which he just said well she barely wrote anything so yeah, faffing.

Fine. I wanted to check so she couldn't spin me a story about other ppl distracting her etc.

I talked to her about it once home, just to say that if she wasnt sure about work etc she should ask teacher and I'm glad he helped her to finish it.

But oh no mummy, he didnt help! He brought the book to the classroom and left. He didn't check in on her, nobody did. I doubt he told a mta as she knows them all and says she didnt see anyone. If the fire alarm had gone, she wouldn't have known what to do as it was a classroom in a different block. Nobody would have known she was there. Or if she was doing her usual swinging on front legs of chair and slipped and whacked her head. Nobody would know.

I know thats worst case scenario but still. It just doesn't sit right with me that a teacher would leave a child inside at lunchtime with no supervision.

The other thing that has irritated me but not end of the world is that she fell in the morning and her knee was a bit bloody, he said he couldn't do anything about it right then (even though there's a fully stocked 1st aid kit in a shed on that playground) and that she'd have to wait till they were inside to get a plaster from the mini classroom kit. They went in, there wasn't any plasters left there, so he said he couldn't do anything about it cos they had to go to assembly. She finally got her knee cleaned and a plaster put on at breaktime an hour after she fell. So she's all sad and emotional this afternoon.

Am I just being a bit precious? She's not my only child, I have an older and a younger child (if that's relevant at all)

OP posts:

Notsandwiches · 16/03/2017 18:20

Perhaps it was considered a safeguarding issue and teacher shouldn't be alone with a child?

LindyHemming · 16/03/2017 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wigglesrock · 16/03/2017 18:27

He wasn't asking her to write a story synopsis of Star Wars, she could have written about Space, I'm sure that would have sufficed. The plaster/cut knee wouldn't bother me. TBH in my kids primary they go into the toilets, wet some blue roll and clean it up themselves or with a friend. There's no plasters handed out for a scrape.

thatdearoctopus · 16/03/2017 18:41

I think that maybe you should look for a job in another school. She shouldn't be coming to find you "for a quick hello." Other children don't get that privilege, and neither should she.

Trifleorbust · 16/03/2017 18:45

How is Star Wars sexist, FGS?

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 16/03/2017 18:52

Other children don't get that privilege, and neither should she

It's not that, it's just that OP should be concentrating on the DC she is being paid to work with/ play with/ supervise not chatting to her DD.

Trifleorbust · 16/03/2017 18:56

I think the OP means she sees her DD most days at lunchtime for a quick hello, not that she sees her when she is working on a one-to-one or similar

pennypeony · 16/03/2017 19:13

I worked at the same school as my daughter. There wasn't time for a full on chat. Any staff member worth their salt( as l am sure the op is ) would be the same. You tend to chivvy your own child away ( if anything)

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 16/03/2017 19:15

If her DD is one of the pupils she is supposed to be supervising on the playground, or wherever, that is fine. If her DD has left the space she is supposed to be in to find the OP and it is other DC the OP is supposed to be supervising it is not OK.

I once taught somewhere where the DS of a TA frequently cried in assembly. The TA would go and pick him up and sit him on her lap. She said she couldn't not do that when he was upset. She was let go. A more extreme case I know, but there have to be really tight professional boundaries to stop it descending into that sort of thing.

Spideysenses1 · 16/03/2017 19:16

Maybe you could have a private word with the teacher concerned and voice your worries. I'm sure they won't mind . School is somewhere your child should feel safe and somewhere you should feel confident about her safety .
Your teacher should be more than happy to put your mind at ease and you should feel comfortable being able to talk to them about anything regarding your child's time at the school :)

Original poster

upsidedownfrown · 16/03/2017 19:18

Oh gosh yeah, just to clarify.... I have my lunch break at the same time as ks2 lunchtime. Therefore never interfering with the job im there to do! She has to walk past where I have lunch to get to the lunch hall so pops her head round. Many staff have children in the school. Most of these staff see their child in school time. I feel that I keep a good boundary in place whilst im there, hence why I told her I didn't want big explanations about the issue today. She normally comes in, says hi mum, and runs off with her friends. Id never jeopardise any child in my care by stopping to chat with my dd. And I would be feeling the same regarding today whether I worked there or not. If anything, working there makes me less likely to raise concern about anything at school as I know them all!

OP posts:

MrsCobain · 16/03/2017 19:20

How in hell is Stat Wars sexist?!! What a sexist thing to say! Me and all my mates LOVED Star Wars. Didn't know you needed a penis to like it.

Trifleorbust · 16/03/2017 19:30

I can't believe there are even a couple of posts questioning the OP talking to her DD during school time - frankly, not the point. The teacher should have been supervising (and to be fair, may well have been).

Original poster

upsidedownfrown · 16/03/2017 19:33

Thanks trifle and penny..feel like my aibu has gone amiss. I'll have a chat with the teacher tomorrow hopefully if I catch him

OP posts:

RebelRogue · 16/03/2017 19:46

Oh yes OP we should just ignore the actual issues in your post. Just quit your job and everything will be dine. FFS!

thatdearoctopus · 16/03/2017 19:52

There are schools that have real issues with employing parents as staff. My own HT refuses to do it, as there have been issues in the past, ranging from relatively minor instances of inappropriateness (such as TAs hugging and cuddling their own kids) to some quite serious breaches of confidentiality, with staff (usually those who live locally) blurring the boundaries with parents who are also their friends.

Pencilvester · 16/03/2017 19:57

What a terrible day your poor DD had, OP. I can see why you would be upset about it. How is she now?

thatdearoctopus · 16/03/2017 20:23

Terrible day? Really?

Original poster

upsidedownfrown · 16/03/2017 20:40

She'll get over it! Ive explained that its important to get work done as otherwise she's not going to be moving on with learning. She's accepted that and says if she doesn't know what to write next time, she'll ask for help or if help is not forthcoming, she'll just write anything that comes to mind and not worry about it being wrong. I think she was worried it would be wrong as she assumed she needed to be some star wars expert to get the exercise correct. I've spoken to her about discussing school issues with me at school but as this has been the only time she's done it, I'm guessing it was a one off occurrence due to her utter dismay at not getting her literacy done because that's her 'bestest thing at school'.

Will chat with teacher tomorrow! Not impressed if it does turn out she was unsupervised for most of lunchtime but hopefully will find out this wasn't the case

OP posts:

Booshbeesh · 16/03/2017 21:11

This is ridiculous. If my 7 yr old was left alone in a building she didnt no to do work that wasnt even checked i would be fuming.

What if she slipped and fell on the way out?
What if an older child decided to get abit power happy? And bully your child. Alongside all the issues youve mentioned yourself. I would be going to the head. Shes 7 for christs sakes. Send it home with her to do. Not make her eat alone. Work alone. And miss her lunch time with her friends. The school sounds awful and the teacher sounds like a prick.

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