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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the suburbs

38 replies

Goldfishshoals · 16/03/2017 15:54

Disclaimer: I know everyone's tastes are different, I'm not trying to convince lovers of suburbia that they are wrong, I'm just wondering if I'm wrong and am missing something fantastic/necessary for family life about the suburbs.

I am literally 9 months pregnant with our first child, and we have just accepted an offer on our too-small suburban house that has been languishing on the market for over a year. So we are now looking for a 'family home'.

My husband and parents (who are helping with the search due to me being mostly preoccupied with having a baby any day now) all seem to think a larger suburban family house is ideal for us.

I hate the suburbs. I have enjoyed living in the middle of a large town/city with easy walking to shops/pubs/social clubs etc and putting up with noisy terraced houses/smaller rooms/little garden etc. I have also enjoyed living in a beautiful rural house with lots of garden with space for projects and countryside to walk into and putting up with not being able to easily get to town things if you miss the one bus…

The suburbs to me though, are the worst of both worlds. None of the beauty or space of rural living, and none of the convenience of being in a city. You need to get in the car for both shopping and a countryside walk, and in fact everything because there's nothing in these suburbs but other peoples houses (which even all look the same). The houses may not be terraced but they are still crowded in close together with small gardens.

I want to do what's best for my growing family, and it certainly does seem to be a 'thing' to move to the suburbs once you have kids. So aibu to hate the suburbs and not want to live there even with a family?

OP posts:

heateallthebuns · 16/03/2017 18:21

There's lots of things that you don't realise are good for when you have a baby. I'd say:
Being able to walk to shops and playgrounds
Space to park car outside your house always and easily
Garden that is enclosed and safe and that you can see from inside
Ideally no steps to get into house
Space in hall or somewhere downstairs to leave buggy with sleeping baby in after walk
Storage space for baby crap

You're probably not going to get that in a Victorian city centre house

We lived in a two up two down v central city house until kids were 4. Very pretty, hipster area.
We've just moved to big ugly semi with school within walking distance, perfect garden, one nice restaurant within walking distance that is child friendly. I love it!!!

I don't go to trendy bars or restaurants anymore very much, I do most shopping online. Baby / child facilities are the most important ones!!!!

Original poster

Goldfishshoals · 16/03/2017 18:51

Thanks heateallthebuns, other than shops the rest of your list is certainly true of the suburb houses (and probably not of the closer to town ones that we could afford), so that's good stuff to think about.

I wish we could afford the compromise house that most posters seem to be advocating (ie a suburban house but still walking distance to shops/schools) but sadly to afford the suburban house we'd have to be hours away from town in walking distance, and a terrace/town house is all we could afford anywhere near a town centre with facilities. (We're in the South East).

museumum I'm intending on returning to work after taking full maternity leave (although obviously I don't know how I'll feel once the baby is here). It's very hard to know what life will be like in even a few weeks, so appreciate the insight!

OP posts:

pandarific · 16/03/2017 18:57

Would the outskirts of a village work OP? Bear in mind you could always extend a little place if possible. Which part of the south east are you in?

GurneyGob · 16/03/2017 19:04

I think the idea of renting first is a good one to see if you can grow to like it. Also if you are planning on staying for awhile in the house you buy make sure there are good schools nearby - that school application date comes around incredibly quickly! Also, make sure you check out toddler groups. parks etc in the area.

Notonthestairs · 16/03/2017 19:07

Rent somewhere you think you'd like to live and find out whether it works for you and possibly suss out nice properties. Don't rush buying somewhere - it's hard to move again if you don't like it (trust me on this!)

Booksandmags79 · 16/03/2017 19:10

You need to be happy with where you're living. If you really can't see yourself in the kind of area you've been looking at, then speak up. There must be a compromise, you just need to work out what you and other half can live without and meet in the middle. It's not unreasonable to admit you're worried you'll be unhappy somewhere.
After having my son, home suddenly became much more important because a) I was there so much more and b) I was getting involved locally with other mums and activities that I didn't even know existed before. I think it would have been really hard if I didn't like where we live.
Good luck with it all, let us know what you decide!

Tabymoomoo · 16/03/2017 19:15

I completely with you OP I hate the suburbs definitely my idea of hell! We live on the edge of a village, 15 mins from a market town which is perfect for me. Surrounded by countryside but close enough for restaurants/shopping etc. There's a great bus service as well so kids are sorted.

Bluntness100 · 16/03/2017 19:21

I understand what you are saying op. Our first hone was typical suburbia, then rural, then city and now this one and the last one rural.

I think there is benefits to suburban living, it's just not for everyone, however sometims it's a compromise in terms of what's best.

LostInMess · 16/03/2017 19:33

Also agree that better to wait until your baby is here and you know what you're doing work-wise - that will definitely impact on your choices as you may need to take childcare into account - or work out what you need if you don't return to work.

We had intended to move before DC1 was born but kept getting outbid so stopped then started again when she was - 4 months old and moved just before she turned one. We would have definitely bought the wrong house had we been successful before.

Bonadrag1988 · 16/03/2017 22:26

I've lived in cities my entire life. The idea of suburbia fills me with dread.

felinewonderful · 17/03/2017 00:18

Yanbu. I feel exactly the same. I also had this issue with my husband who wanted the suburbs in a generic house with a garage.
I would have felt isolated and trapped. We moved to a place just outside the city centre with schools, shops, bars, restaurants and excellent transport links. It has been great so far for the dcs, amenities, groups and other families here too. Some family members think we are mad though and should have gone for a bigger house further out in suburbia.

BakiniAtoll · 17/03/2017 00:51

We lived in a small town in Somerset. It was what I would call semi rural, (11 miles to sainsburys) it still had street lights and neighbors. It was too urban for us.

We moved to the USA we now live on 120 acres, the nearest shop is now 2 hours away, nearest neighbor is 14miles we love the solitude.

HumpMeBogart · 17/03/2017 00:57

Skerrywind: 'Same here. I can be in Princes Street ( Edinburgh) in 20 minutes. I live surrounded by ancient woodland, my 5 bedroomed house with garden cost me £210K two years ago. I have shops, restaurants, all within easy reach.'

I'm really curious about where you live - thinking of moving to Edinburgh and rather spoiled for choice in terms of areas.

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