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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Gift card for super-nice mom? yay or nay?

14 replies

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 14:15

Another March break issue:

So the mom of DS's best friend (aged 11) and I exchanged childcare over March break. I had them the first two days (full day 9-5), and she had them Wed and part of today.

My activities were taking them to a local park where they hit each other with sticks and threw stones in the lake.

her activities were: taking them to a 3d movie, a day trip skiing, and virtual reality gaming.

I offered to pay DS's portion for all these activities but she waved it off saying oh we have a membership to the movies/ I have a groupon for the vr gaming/ it's a family day pass etc. She is super sweet. And she makes it sound like I am doing them favour by "letting" DS go with them.

I cannot afford those types of activities atm- I am working part-time, casual- she has a good, stable, full-time professional job (actually the kind of job I am training for!!- I am younger by about 10 yrs or so).

we're both single moms btw.

Anyway, I love it that she is taking DS on these activities that he would not otherwise do, and its not like my pride is hurt or I think it is "charity". But I am wondering whether I should get her gift card since she won't let me pay- or not? how much? Like should I figure out how much she has spent on DS and get a gift card roughly in the same amount? Or would that be rude? And should the gift card be something like iTunes? Am I overthinking?

Gah I wish March break would be over already and kids back in school.

OP posts:

nursebickypegs · 16/03/2017 14:19

You're such a sweet person to consider this! Any gesture I think would be lovely. I'm sure she hasn't done it to gain anything in return, but a gift will show you care.

FlaviaAlbia · 16/03/2017 14:21

Personally, I'd go for a bunch of flowers and a thank you card from you and DS for the lovely time he had with them. I think a gift card would be too much if she didn't want payment...

Mrsglitterfairy · 16/03/2017 14:22

I wouldn't to be honest, as you say, you wouldn't usually be able to afford to take DS to those activities so don't skint yourself saying thanks. It would be lovely to get her a bunch of flowers and some chocolates or similar though

Areyoufree · 16/03/2017 14:22

Nothing says 'thank you' like lots of cake!

MoreThanUs · 16/03/2017 14:23

What a great friend you both are!
I don't think something with a monetary value - might be seen as you feeling uncomfortable with the arrangement. I would send a card and something small and thoughtful. And maybe a thank you card from your DS too.

FetchezLaVache · 16/03/2017 14:25

I'd take her a bottle of fizz to say thank you. A gift card seems too clinical, too much like actual payment, IYSWIM, and she might be embarrassed.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/03/2017 14:26

Ahh that's lovely, sounds like a really good friend of mine, some are just wonderful. I would, mabey some flowers and wine, or a gift card to a shop she likes, give what you can afford, not what you really want to.

PinkFluffiUnicorn · 16/03/2017 14:28

Another vote for flowers, voucher is the same money really and she refused that already. How about offering your time, a much more valuable commodity? Offering to Babysitting For her to go out?

PotteringAlong · 16/03/2017 14:29

Yes to flowers and a card! How lovely you both are

Original poster

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 14:30

Thanks so much for the suggestions!

I like the wine suggestion! I agree there was something a bit too monetary about the gift card idea, but I do want to show her I appreciate it, without making it look as if I am uncomfortable with the income difference (well, I am a bit, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be on here angsting about it!)

I just remembered on another holiday where I had her child full day, she gifted me some fancy handmade chocolate.

Wine, I think that is the answer.

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 16/03/2017 14:31

Actually I wouldn't give her anything. You both babysat and did each other a favour - the fact that she spent more money doesn't really come into it.

Tbh it's easier looking after kids when you can afford to throw some money at it, so she was probably making life easier for herself. It's not a criticism just an observation!

Original poster

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 14:32

@PinkFluff- yes- she knows her child has a standing invitation to spend time with us whenever she needs it, and she has done that before!

But in general, it seems the flow of goods is unequal, more from her part to mine, IYSWIM.

OP posts:

sm40 · 16/03/2017 14:34

Wine is always the answer!!!!!

Original poster

user1489670695 · 16/03/2017 14:36

"Tbh it's easier looking after kids when you can afford to throw some money at it, so she was probably making life easier for herself. It's not a criticism just an observation!"- that is both true and not true- because there is also the time involved. I mean it's not so much easier to take boys skiing rather than the local park!!

OP posts:

Flip